I should have married a tiger....

I would be doing pretty good about now....

Report: Tiger-Elin divorce final; she gets $750 million

God knows he could not have kept it in his pants for me...

A lot of wind....

2010 Hurricanes...


They have the names all picked out...

I was wondering who they might be named after and what they may have to say for themsleves....

Alex Trebek: I'll take big winds for 150....


Bonnie Parker: You know what, when we started out, I thought we was really goin' somewhere. This is it. We're just goin', huh?

Colin Farrell: I'm in no hurry to get anywhere. I don't have any plans. I don't have a map.

Danielle Steel: I did it at night because I loved it.

James Earl Jones: I got enough C4 in my ass to level a city block!

Princess Fiona: I don't understand - I'm supposed to be beautiful.

Gaston: I'm roughly the size of a barge!

Hermine: I'm French - and that's all you need to know...

Igor Stravinsky: My music is best understood by children and animals...

Julia Roberts: I'm an utterly average, total geek.

Karl Wolf: I gotta need to freak you out..

Lisa Simpson: I know a way to get out of this.

Matthew Perry: I used to be a real prince charming...

Nicole Kidman: What's the point of doing something good if nobody's watching?

Otto Von Bismarck: The main thing is to make history...

Paula Abdul: When people expect me to go right, I`ll go left. I`m unpredictable.

Richard Nixon: Well, I screwed it up real good, didn't I?

Shary Bobbins: Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious

Thomas Edison: Let there be light!

Virginie Ledoyen: I have a pleasant level of life...

Walter Cronkite: And that’s the way it is...

If you do not recognize some of these names...

Neither do I....

Google search is awesome...

Strategy...

So....

I had to attend - by phone - a mandatory strategy meeting today...

It was fun...

Especially since it was given by someone outside of the product team I am in...

And who presented as if she were talking only to her team...

Let me share some highlights from the meeting....

Most of us agrees that our job is more important than selling rubber tires...

I am not so sure I agree...If the tires on my car blow out everytime the spring breaks on my Ford POS I think someone who can sell me decent tires without needing the manual translated has a pretty important job....

But maybe that is just me...

Some thought provoking questions were posed....

Why do you do what you do every day?

To make money to pay the bills...duh

Okay, maybe that one was not so though provoking...

What is it about you work that makes you passionate?

I get passionate about people trying to find something wrong with everything everyone else does....bitchingly passionate...

What is it about you work that inspires you???

When I see the back-stabbing butt kissers getting promotions and pay increases, I am inspired to....contact my HH guy...

How's Alex...

Wet and windy...
The ocean is getting closer to our front door every minute....

Reason #1 not to move to Belize....

Even tho the days are mostly sunny...

And the barrier reef is beautiful...

And I could work from the swim-up bar...

And everyone is so much more laid back....

Alex and friends tend to visit too often to suit me...

Yeah, Alex is the first tropical storm since LDBoy moved to Belize...

But worrying he and AC survive this one will hold me over for a good long time....

And I do not think I would want to live through it personally...

I am a baby about wind and water together...

Stay safe boys...

Talk to you in a couple of days....

If not sooner...

A mission from God...

Yes!!!!

Vatican Recognizes 'Blues Brothers' as Catholic Film

I realized this the first time I saw it...

OPHiCe Politics...

I think I have it figured out....

The nastier you are to those who work with and for you...

And the more you point out what they do wrong and how you could do it better if only you were given the chance....

The better you look in the eyes of upper management..

And the more kudos you get in the form of reward points and pay increases...

Lucky I do not care how I look to upper management....

Unfortunately, the pay increase would be a blessing...

So I am practicing...

Shitting on people...

I am not very good at it...

Any advice?

Happy Father's Day!

To all the Dads out there....

Especially mine...

I love you Dad...

Even when I do not like everything you do...

or did...

or will do...

But maybe I can use you to make a few bucks, like Justin...

Shit My Dad Says

I think I will start visiting more and writing down shit you say...

I have to write it down because I am older than Justin and cannot remember what you said at breakfast this morning...

But I know it was funny, because I do remember laughing...

Only you did not think it was funny...you were serious...

Which means I could probably make some money off of it...

If  only I can remember what it was...

Getting old sucks, Dad.

Yeah, I know you know that better than me...

And I know you never say "shit" or "fuck"...

At least not when you think I can hear you...

Phat Phil....where are you?

I think Phat Phil may return to this blog in the very near future...

Stay tuned.

Flight Tracking....

So the kids were on on their way back from Cozumel...


I was not sure what flight they were on or what airlines...

I just knew they would get into Cleveland about 10:00 PM...

I am not much of a flyer, so I rarely check the status of  flight arrivals/departures...


But, for kicks and giggles, I thought I would see if I could figure out what flight they were on and when exactly G-Man would be home....


So I could get all the guys out before he got there...


Clean up after my week of partying....


But I digress...


Anyway, it was easy enough to figure out what flight they were probably on...


And what I thought was even cooler was that I could track the flight in real time...


As it is flying over the Gulf of Mexico...


Heading for Dallas Fort Worth....

To DFW: 992 miles
From CZM: 165 miles

To DFW: 857 miles
From CZM: 200 miles 

To DFW: 797 miles
From CZM: 260 miles

To DFW: 797 miles
From CZM: 260 miles

To DFW: 797 miles
From CZM: 260 miles

To DFW: 797 miles
From CZM: 260 miles

WTF???????


Is it stuck????


Did it go down????

To DFW: 483 miles
From CZM: 574miles

Whew...that's better.


Note to Airlines...


If you are going to update real time...


Update consistently....


I wonder how many phone calls they get from first time users like myself?

Did the plane go down?????

Are my kids OK???

Why did it stop in the middle of the ocean for 20 minutes???? 

There's an oil spill down there ya know...

I didn't call....


Really, I didn't...


Well, I did, but while I was dialing, the real time update updated....


 

Peyton PHlaCe survey says....

So management recently sent out a survey about helath benefits for the next year...

One of the questions asked:

Would you be willing to follow a program to reduce the cost of your health insurance premiums?

You mean a Peyton PHlaCe Activity Monitor program????

Sure, no problem...

We all know how that works...

Throw it in the dryer for 18-20 mins on low and you have reached your goal for the day.

Dryer on the fritz? 

No problem.... 

Let you cat wear it around its neck while you chase it with a laser pen....

No cat????

No problem....

Twirl it like a set of car keys as you watch your favorite show....

Or as you sit in that long-ass meeting about the state of the company....

Life is good...

Open Letter to my kids....

I love you guys....

I like your friends, too...

Most of them, anyway.

And I like some of them because I like them - not just because they are your friends...

So....


Having said that.....


Forgive me if I do not understand when you feel the need - as all of you have in the not too distant past - to message me something to this effect....

Mom, quit posting on so and so's wall - I am not talking to them anymore...

A simple:

Wow, so and so is such a bastard/bitch/ashole....you would not believe what he/she did...I am not talking to her/him

...would suffice....

Then I can make up my own mind about whether or not I post on his/her wall....

I may have something to say to the bastard/bitch/asshole...

....

...

....

Just saying...

Being short is bad for your health....

Who would have thunk?

Short People at Risk for Heart Problems: Risk is 50 Percent Greater
Ya gotta love some of the possible explanations in this article...

Being short might be a result of being poor, meaning people of small stature could be undernourished and vulnerable to health problems in general.

There could be a biological explanation, such as a hormone imbalance that hurts the heart.

Because short people have smaller arteries, those could theoretically get clogged quicker with cholesterol and be more easily damaged by any changes in blood pressure

And, as the study's lead author says:

"Height is only one factor (among many) that may contribute to heart disease risk...focus on other things like not smoking, eating a balanced diet and exercise. Those are easier to change than your height."

And to that I say:

"Duhhh!"

I have been trying to grow up for years - it is just not happening...

Truthfully, I think the risk for heart problems is higher for short people like myself because we have a bigger, more giving heart...

And after all that giving...well there is only so much heart ...


But for once I am glad my kids took after their dad's family - at least in the height department.




And no matter what ....
 
Short people rock!

I want an iPad...

But not as bad as this guy....

Man Tries to Trade Pot for iPad

And I surely not willing to trade my pot for it...

Not that I have any pot to trade....

Or that I would post a picture of on Craig's List ...

It was Puppy Love...

I got to spend time with CareBear's puppies this weekend.

I was a little concerned because the newest addition to the family is still pretty shy around anyone except CareBear.

But my concern was unfounded.

Brownie decided she liked me pretty quickly...

Enough to take treats right out of my hand....

Enough to sleep in the bed with me...

Which did not please Taz too much as he seemed to think he should have me all to himself...

Talk about sibling rivalry...

Taz pretty much moped around when I paid the least little bit of attention to Brownie...

But a trip to the ice cream stand for a foot long hot dog got me back on his good side...

At least until bedtime...when he growled at Brownie any time she inched a lil closer to me on the bed...

I have found a solution to my financial woes....

The answer to all my financial problems was in my inbox today...how exciting...

Some poor guy got killed in a plane crash in Nigeria on Christmas Day 2003...

Apparently he has no next of kin to claim the $7 M USD he had on his person while traveling....

I got a an email from "The Desk Of .Dr.Malik Ali. Bill And Exchange Manager.BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)"..

Somehow Dr. Ali has gotten his hands on these funds and they have to be distributed within 5 years of the crash date....

I just need to figure a way to go back in time a couple years....

And Dr. Ali believes he can trust me because in his own words:

"When i was searching for a foreign partner i assured of your capability and reliability to champion this businees opportunity when i prayed to God or Allah about you."

You got to love a man who prays to God or Allah....

You think it is coincidence that his bank has the same initials as the bank that holds my mortgage?  I am thinking a transfer of funds should be simple...

Next time B.O.A. calls and asks when I think I will pay my mortgage - I can let them know that it is being taken care of by Dr.Malik Ali.

Dr Ali assured me in his email:

"...that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. "

And after I give him all of my account information so he can transfer my share of the money he plans to visit me...

"We agree that 40% of this money will be for you as foreign partner... 10 % will be set aside for expenses incured during the business and 50 % would be for me, Therefore after I and my family will visit you in your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated."

How special.   
He even gave me his private number and email address...

"Contact Me On My Private Number:+226 79016648 And Email Address: dr.malik_ali101@voila.fr "

I have a feeling he has more funds available for dispersion, which is why I have shared his contact info with you....

Vacation is around the corner....

Not for me, but for the kids and their Dad....

Which is really like a vacation for me, too:)

Not having to wonder where G-Man is for a whole week...

Not having to wonder if G-Man is going to be home for dinner for a whole week....

Not having to do the courteous thing and let G-Man know where I am for a whole week...

I have not had one of these vacations for a long time....

Bring it on....

A graduation tale...

G-Man has graduated...yay!

It was touch and go there for a bit...not because his grades are bad - they aren't...

And not because he got in trouble - he didn't...get caught, anyway....

He tends to leave things to the last minute...

He pulled a couple of all-nighters last week just finishing up things that he had several weeks to do...

But I digress...

On to the tale...

On Prom Night when the announced the class superlatives, G-Man was crowned most-likely to be married several times....

Hmmm...not sure who was voting or what they were thinking...

G-Man is pretty committed to anything he decides to  do and he has been with Ames (on and off) three plus years now....

He was a lil shocked...

But one of his favorite teachers decided to help him out of the situation.

There must be a mistake....G-Man told me just the other day that he is entering the seminary.  So he is going to be married to the church...

Okay...that helped...

And at graduation practice, Mr. Favorite Teacher announced G-man as Reverend G-Man.

And yesterday, when G-Man is about to walk across the stage, Mr. Favorite Teacher says:

Gregory J Harmon...oh, excuse me, I mean G-man....

Which is bittersweet, because G-Man's Grandpa Art, his 2nd biggest football fan, who past away just last October from complications of Alzheimer's, was mistakenly calling G-Man "Greg" the last few months of his life...

Thank you Art for being there with G-Man and all of us yesterday.

About that....

I have been an active Rebel Mom since G-Man started high school.

I would have been an active Rebel Mom when CareBear was in high school but I had no idea the group existed.

I learned about it through the football team...

If you have followed my blog, you may be aware that I have not always agreed with a lot of things the Rebel moms do.

Like every other part of my life,  do not keep my feelings to myself.

So when it was time for G-Man to apply for the Rebel Mom's scholarship, I asked the board if they intended to give out the same # of scholarships they have in the past - which is 5 or 6.

Why do you want to know?

Because if you are, I am not going to push G-Man to apply  - because there are six members of the board with senior students - and he is pretty busy and I like to pick my battles with him...

You see, the scholarship candidates are selected to receive awards based on Mom's involvement and student extracurricular activities,  leadership skills, academic achievements, and  community service....and, in the words of the scholarship committee and the board:

All applications are reviewed anonymously!

There is where the credibility stops.  As much as you want to believe that all applicants are reviewed anonymously, how can you claim that?

• The applicants name is on every page of the application....
• There applicants must list any student government offices held including dates.
• The students must list clubs and extracurricular activities including offices or leadership positions.
• Transcripts from the office must be attached to the application.
• Student must list Mom's Rebel Mom activities which will be checked against sign-in sheets for such activities... 
• The same few Moms on the scholarship committee make the rules, collect and review the applications, and make the awards.

Granted, you can white out the applicants name before you start your review and shuffle the applications so you are not quite sure whose you are looking at...

But, if you are checking the activities listed against the Mom's activity log....
 

And how many captains of the football team are there whose Mom maintains the Rebel Mom's website????

And how many Class Treasurers are there whose Mom is VP of the Rebel Mom's board....

Sorry, but there is no f-ing way the review is anonymous...

And I understand that it would be impossible to make it anonymous....

Just quit claiming vehemently that it is, ok?

Try to maintain some semblance of credibility.

Especially to those Moms who worked their butts off and yet their kids did not get even a small piece of that scholarship.

I understand that it is totally up to you how the awards are dealt.

And I do appreciate that you awarded G-Man one of the mid-range scholarships. 

It is greatly appreciated...

But the decision was NOT  based on reviews of anonymous applications....

If it weren't for bad luck....

Last weekend during the early summer Ohio heat wave the air conditioner in the condo stopped working...

I was thinking of getting it looked at, fearing the damages would be too much for me to be able to handle...

But that is not  a problem now...

Glad  I waited...

Now  I have more pressing problems

As I was trying to leave work a few minutes ago, my car just fell a part.

I barely got out of the parking space.

The front end just fell - I figure either a spring - again - or a tie rod - again.

Oh and it tore my brand new tire to shreds....again...

Yes - this has happened before.

Deja Vu....

Have you driven a Ford lately?

I am sitting here at work waiting for a tow truck.

Apparently it is a busy night for tow trucks...

I have another hour and a half to get some more work done....

Lucky me....

If life gives you melons....

...you may be dyslexic :)

I got a call today from a friend who I had not heard from in awhile.

What a breath of fresh air...

What a fun conversation.

Hopefully we will continue it soon...

And then I had another conversation via instant message with an online chat buddy that I hope NOT to continue...

I swear, everytime I hear from this guy, it is the same conversation...

Hi, this is Dicktard. 
    Hello..
Remember me?
    Yeah....we chatted a few weeks ago.
I know it has been awhile...your name is Phillipia, right?
     Last I checked, yes.
Where do you live?
     Same place I lived last time we chatted.
I do not have my chats archived so I do not remember where that is...
     I do not have my chats archived but I remember where you live....
So where do you live?
     MotherHouse
Hmmm.  Are you married?
     I am a nun.
No, really.  You are divorced, right?
     Right now I am at work and really busy.
Are you curvy?

      You like curvy?
Curvy is nice.
     I am NOT curvey - sorry...
I bet you are...
   Hey my curvy boss just walked in - gtg.

Ok, hun.  TTYL, sweetie.

Yeah....sure...TTYL....

Note to self: Make Phillipia invisible to this guy on yahoo chat...