The week that was....

I miss blogging...

And reading your blogs...

So, I am going to take a break from life and tell you what I have been doing this past week and what I will be up to this next week...just in case you want to know...

First, the week that was...

Monday:

I worked from home and actually got a lot done - worked till about 6:00 pm.
Than I went for a walk with Ame's Mom at Squire's Castle.
We started up the first little hill and I had to set some ground rules...flat ground rules...I am no shape to do the hills - let's stick to the paved path around the castle.
After a few rounds, I was ready for a few rounds, but we decided DQ would have to do because it was getting late.
And Ames and Mom had some girl time planned...hey wait, I'm a girl, so I tagged along. What a treat...hot wax treat that is...I now have two eyebrows...lol.

Tuesday:

As G-Man is leaving for morning workouts he asks if I am coming to the 7-on7 in Bedford.
Me: Say what???
G-Man: We just found out yesterday.
Me: Us moms have a meeting tonight, planned around your schedule to plan for your meals next week.
G-Man: You don't have to come if ya don't want to....

Later....

Me: Okay, coach....they found out yesterday????
Coach: I swear I told them last week...
Me: Told them??? How about telling ME next time so I can post and let parents plan around these things.
Coach: The players knew...
Me: But WE didn't and if you want me to keep passing info to the parents that YOU want them to know...then start passing me info that WE want to know, too, ok? One simple phone call (or an email) to me and I will post info and we would all be much happier....ok??? Are you listening????
Coach: By the way, can you let the parents know there is a mandatory meeting next Sunday rigth smack during the dinner hour - unless you eat dinner incredibly early or late at your house...

All day Tuesday I was torn...do I go to the game or go to the meeting??
Hmmm, I have the agenda, there is no other good night for me or anyone else this week, we have lots to do. In the end, I caved and acted responsible and went to the meeting as did all the other 6 Moms. What a team we are.
I have to tell you, I dreaded taking on the job of coordinating the football meals this year, but what a joy it has been. The moms who offered to help really helped. In fact they did most of the work - I really just coordinated and posted info and kept our spreadsheets up to date.
And the best part, unlike previous years, I had moms helping from all four classes, so they will know what they are doing next year and it can only get better...

Wednesday:

...is a blur. I know I worked at home until pretty late, very late in fact....so late that I do not remember stopping....until I knew if I did not get to Bally's they would close and I really needed to swim off some tension.
(Note: As soon as I get through this upcoming week and have a little more free time, I will have some further adventures of Phat Phil and Peyton PHlaCe to share...)

Thursday:

After a hectic day at Peyton PHlaCe, I headed straight to Chick-Fil-A in Willoughby to help with a fundraiser. G-Man was bummed because he had to work (at KFC) and could not participate. (Uh, boss, I am calling off because I am going to Chick-Fil-A. What??? You're ok with that??? Oh...I am out of a job...damn.)
Sorry you missed the fun, G-Man.

But you'll get your shot at fame a lil later this month when you are featured in the News Herald football preview...

After the fundraiser, I stopped by a cheer leader mom's house to drop off a prize she had won. This lady is a dear friend who was born with the gift of gab. I had a plan, cuz I had not been home yet and I was tired....I figured I would not get out of the car, phone her as I am pulling down her street and ask her to come out and get her prize...
My plan failed. I spent a good 45 minutes sitting in my car in the street with her leaning in my window as I tried to explain to her why I do not call all the parents with the info I post on the web...

Her: Why didn't you tell me about the fundraiser earlier...
Me: I did... RYFE
Her: You know I do not read my email...
Me: Not my problem...
Her: But you could call me...I am your friend...
Me: So are the 20 other parents that asked me to call them...RYFE
Her: Not everyone is computer savy like you...
Me: Not my problem....have your kids read your email...
Her: They are busy...
Me: So am I...

So today, I got a bright idea. I called her (not the bright idea...) and offered her the job of calling all the other freshman parents who apparently do not read their email either (because they have not responded to my email pleas for help serving/donating for meals)....that'll teach 'em...cuz believe me, there is no such thing as a short phone conversation with Dear Gabby.

Friday:

Worked til 5:45 and then headed to another meeting of the Moms (okay just one Mom this time) to design a page for the fall sports program thanking all our sponsors. A veggie pizza and a few beers and hours later and we were happy with our creation...and i learned a few things about a few people I use to know way back in grade school who she knew in high school and college and after....verrry interesting stuff I learned....for another time...

Yesterday:

I did laundry, swam a lil (exercise and Sunny Vitamin D all in one shot), worked a lot on meal stuff, and then met some neighbor girls for a drink and gossip session that lasted into this morning....

Today:

Much like yesterday....more laundry, a lil swimming, a little time with G-Man and friends, a lot of meal planning/web stuff, dinner and drinks with a friend....

And that brings me to now....

Sitting here getting tired just thinking of the upcoming week....serving doubles in the mornings, then right to work for 6-8 hours. Friday night Pampered Chef party, Saturday afternoon lunch with high school friends I have not seen for 30 years, Sunday football meeting..

I'll be back...promise...

In the News...

Oxycontin Found in Skittles

My first thought after reading this article was to call G-man and tell him not to eat those two bags of Skittles I just bought him because there may be Oxycontin in them....

Then I thought better of it and figured it was best to keep my mouth shut and go to plan B.

He does not watch the news....I will confiscate the bags before he gets to them...hopefully...

Unless his friends watch the news...

And then I was thinking - will this make Skittles sale go down or up?

Or will it just level out?

My week ahead...

Virgo Weekly Horoscope beginning July 25, 2009 (via Facebook)

Residential moves will be hectic and may be unsatisfactory. Who's moving?

Don't make a move; your confusion has caused this dilemma and you are best to back away and reassess the situation. I am confused....

Your partner may push buttons that infuriate you. What partner????

Overindulgence may be a problem. Oh, really???

Your lucky day this week will be Saturday. Again? Well, I am not falling for it this time - $300 worth of "lucky lotto" tickets later and I am not feeling lucky....

I may be remiss..

I just wanted to let you know upfront that I may be a little less bloggy for the next couple of weeks.

In case you care why....

Peyton PHlace (no, not the Milk of Magnesia place, Bingo Betty) got extremely busy all of a sudden - at least for me. I need to release close to 300 documents by the end of August....which is not as easy as it sounds...

There are ECRs and DMRs and DCFs and ECOs and print files and source files for each...

And...if that is not enough...in my personal life as a Mom....well...are you ready for some football?

Because I am not. Meals to plans, checks to write, rosters and profiles and schedules to update and post; a messed up web to fix (yeah - I messed it up).

All before the first game on August 28th...

If you miss me - you can see what I am up to at http://southrebelfootball.com/

And Congrats to G-Man and three other well-deserving teammates on being elected Team Captains this past week! And NO - as some of the (non-elected) players thought - it is not just a title - there is actually work involved...

Go Rebs!!!

I am woman...

It's time....

...for a Peyton PHlaCe rant....you know you want one.

We have a new instant messenger program that works pretty well. I was chatting with a guy in another part of the building yesterday....

Me: Hey Jim, what is the part number of the doc you want me to release?

Him: Hold on.....

Me: I need it to pull a DCF to attach to a DMR for the ECO.

Him: Bare with me while I look it up...

Me: Hell, no. Just because I fell for it with the tick inspector from the health department....

On a positive note, I have been accomplishing a lot more of what I should be at work. At least I think I have.

But then again, I (and a few others) have been getting an onslaught of emails from various companies with tips for interviewing and good interviewing techniques. Think they know something about Peyton PHlaCe that we do not know?

I have learned that when I find myself start getting so frustrated that I feel the steam coming out my ears, it is time for a smoke break. What a great way to let off pent up frustration while making new friends, kissing up to the members of upper management who smoke, and gathering blog fodder.

Smoker1: Need to let off a little steam, Phillipia?

Me: You would not believe the day I am having. Some guy from the building A actually wanted me to get naked with him. Just because I asked him to look up a part number.

Smoker2: Is he blind?

Me: Hahaha.

Smoker1: Wonder if its the same guy that forgot to close the doors on the truck the other day. And then never saw the CT gantry roll off the back end.

Me: You're kidding, right????

Smoker2: Yeah, you know how they take the systems from this dock and move them to the building across the street and then put them on another truck over there to ship them to the hospitals?

Me: Yeah.....

Smoker1: Well this guy did not bother to shut the doors on the truck since he was just going across the street.

Smoker2: I guess he forgot the gantry was on rollers....

Smoker1: Half way down the road the thing rolls off the back...that gantry didn't get too far.

Smoker2: And he did not even see it roll off. When he got to the unloading dock across the street they asked where it was.

Smoker1: Damn thing was sitting in the road, blocking traffic.

Me: Did the covers stay on???

Smoker1: Haha funny...(inside joke)

SmokingManager: So when did you take up smoking Phillipia? (i.e., this is a smoking club and who invited you?)

Me: Umm...Uh...I'm just trying the second hand experience for awhile...

Let the anger out....

Saturday night I headed down to the Outpost in Kent to watch the battle of the bands featuring Dinosaurus Rex.

I do like Dinosaures Rex...a lot.

Especially the song K wrote for CareBear: "Leave me Alone." It's not what you think...really.

Dinosaurus Rex performed a great set.

I was totally unprepared for the next act tho'. They were good, too. Really good.

If you like death metal...and head banging...and screaming into the mic.

I do not mind it for a little bit...a short little bit.

I mean....what a great way to let loose of some pent up anger.

Reminded me of the first time I watched a high school lacrosse game. It was after a bad day at work and I was wishing I was out there on the field and the opponents were some of the Peyton PHlaCe phantoms.

But I digress...

What really bothered me Saturday was the violent headbanging of two of the death metal rockers. It literally hurt my neck just watching them. In fact I tried not to watch. I kept turning away. But then I was afraid that I would not be prepared when one of their heads flew off their neck and landed at my feet...

A few more shots and I will not even notice....

My Week Ahead...

Virgo Weekly Horoscope beginning July 18, 2009

You will be in an overly generous mood this week. With whose money...cuz I sure do not have any to give away.

Try to ease any disappointment by making amends. Amends for what???

Don't be too quick to respond to a plea for help. Like I said...no money to give; and I am already way overextended with my time.

Be prepared to meet new lovers through colleagues. Please NO....I CANNOT deal with another relationship right now...shit, I have not finished dealing with the last one:( I still have some of his shit around here.....

Your lucky day this week will be Saturday. Hmmm, maybe I should play Saturday's lotto instead of Friday's this week...

Better a few extra pounds...

So I took G-Man in for his sports physical last night.

As we are leaving the house together...

G-Man: Let's take separate cars, ok?

Me: Why??? You embarrassed to be seen with me?

G-Man: It's not that...I...uh...have plans afterward.

As I am driving there by myself I am thinking that I should have called and found out if I even needed to be there...I mean I paid up front and I signed all the forms....

But now I am there and look, so is half of the football team and their parents. Guess it is a good thing I showed so I would not once again be the bad mommy of the group. He's only 17 you know...

So as we leave and go our separate ways, I decide to hook up with a former neighbor to get some dinner.

As I am sitting there enjoying my terriyaki chicken sandwich with pineapple and onion rings and a tall Killian's Red, she is telling me about her latest predicament.

Her: I have been really eating healthy, Phillipia. I have been having toast or oatmeal for breakfast, tuna or grilled chicken for lunch and tomatos for dinner...

Me: Just tomatos?

Her: Well, with a lil olive oil and onion and basil.

Me: Just tuna?

Her: On a few crackers.

Me: I could not survive.

Her: Sure ya could. I have cut out beer and alcohol, too.

Me: Well that's gonna cut this evening short....

Her: I have lost 16 pounds since I last saw you.

Me: I can tell. You are looking good.

Her: Oh hell no I am not. Do not lie to me. Look at this skin hanging off my arms and under my chin. No one warned me about this...

Me: Okay, then...

Her: I'm telling you, this diet should come with a flab shrinker or something. Don't go on a diet, Phillippia, you look better with a few extra pounds than a lot of flabby skin.

No problem here...

A day late...

I hate it when people forward me bogus warnings without checking them out on snopes.com. I am sure I have probably done it a time or two myself - just to be on the safe side...but lately I have gotten a lot of them.

But this one I got today is real - I know - firsthand....

And it's important.

So please forward it to everyone you care about....

If someone comes to your door saying they are with the health department and are checking for ticks due to the warm weather, and insist that you take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up in the air so they can check your body for ticks, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. And so does he...that'll teach him!

You're doing what????

I texted G-Man from my desk yesterday during a break in meetings....

Me: Hey, G-Man, what's happening?
G-Man: nm u
Me: Working. What time do you have to be at Mentor for football?
G-Man: 5:45
Me: You going by bus?
G-Man: Car.
Me: Want me to drive?
G-Man: No gtg ltr.

Well that did not satisfy the Mom in me , so I decided to use the phone for its god-given purpose and call him....

G-Man: Didn't we just have a text conversation?
Me: Hello to you too.
G-Man: Seriously, Mom. I'm busy. Can we talk later?
Me: Busy doing what?
G-Man: I gotta get a shower.
Me: Before football?
G-Man: I am going to the pool first...
Me: Okaaayyy...even less of a reason....
G-Man: I just got to, okay. I feel cruddy....
Me: .....
G-Man: There's a girl up there.
Me: So???
G-Man: I gotta go...see ya tonight...(Click)
Me: Thanks - I 'm having a good day, too.....

Anything to ease the pain....

In a recent study, it was shown that Swearing Makes pain More Tolerable...

I actually first heard about this study from my manager at fucking Peyton PHlaCE when she announced our department's new Leading to Win strategy.

This makes my fucking life so much easier to fucking handle...

I can now look forward to ...

... long-ass project meetings with bastard project managers and not having to keep all that anger pent up - hurting me inside. I can feel my ulcer healing already.

...to the next swearing match between G-Man and myself knowing that it is best to let the anger and hurt out....fuck all the damned cop-calling neighbors...and the ass-hole social services creeps. I have a word or two for them.

...to football games and dealing with blind M-F-ing refs and cheating big-ass opponents trying to hurt my baby. If they even try to throw my ass out, I'll just whip out the aforementioned study. That'll show 'em.

Swearing my way to a healthier lifestyle.

Think my Peyton PHlaCe activity monitor will pick up on that?

You're off the charts Phillipia - you should set your goal higher....

No fucking problem....

Mom, I need your $30 today....

Oh yeah...

Not sure why I promised to buy that lotion from G-man last week, except maybe I was feeling a lil sorry for him.

Not sure which coach thought this fundraiser was a good idea, but he had the entire football team selling Victoria Secret bath products. He insisted they make a list of 30 people who would want to support the football program and then sat them down in a room to make the calls.

Hi, this is G-man and ...
Hey, G-man, how's it going? Getting ready for football?
Yeah, about that....how would you like to help the team?
You guys having another car wash?
Uh, no. Someone called the police last year ....
You're kidding.... Some people ....
We're selling Victoria Secret this year.
Alright...what's ya got?
Shower Gel and Lotion...
What????
Five Scents to Choose From....
Hey - I gotta go...my kids wanna use the phone...the line is breaking up...the dog just ran out in the street...I have food on the stove...the house is on fire....

Rest in Peace, Momma Cat

I am feeling a little guilty...but just a little.

After all, it is not my fault that Michael Jackson met his maker before his time and helped me out in Pa Rock's dead pool.

And it really is not my fault that my Bay Buddy's cat decided to pick this week to use up her ninth life...

Even if just last weekend we were discussing the chances of that happening in the near future ...

And tho my Bay Buddy was thinking she should start looking for a mouser cat to help Momma cat in her domestic duties, she was not quite sure Momma was ready to share her space - even as I insisted that I had the perfect addition to her household.

Now mind you I did not rush Not Sweetie (aka, my unwanted cat who I offered to watch for 2 weeks - that was in February and it is still here) over to Bay Buddy's home immediately upon Momma's death.

I did offer condolences while gently reminded her that I had the perfect solution to her problem.

And I gave her the usual three days to mourn. I waited patiently until last night - after three full days had past.

Then I visited with a couple of presents - one in a carrier and one in a bottle. As we drank White Zin on her deck, I let Not Sweetie be her sweet entertaining self until Bay Buddy fell in love.

I was almost out of there when Not Sweetie showed her true not so sweet side and started hissing and teasing the resident house cat. Seem she does not play quite as well with others as I had Bay Buddy believing.

But I am sure it will all work out.

And if it doesn't, I am confident that Bay Buddy's better (or at least other) half has plenty of ways to handle the situation....

As for me, let me share what I have learned from this whole cat sitting experience...

I will never, ever again, offer to sit anyone's pet unless I am totally convinced that I would want to keep and care for said pet until the end of time in the off chance that the owner did not return for said pet...

It could happen....
....only to me...

Bay Memories

Last weekend a friend and I spent a couple of days relaxing at Put-in-Bay. As always, it is a good time.

On our last trip I learned that I do not want to buy drinks while waiting for the Jet Express to take us across the Lake. So this year...well, let's just say we left a trail of lemon slices from the ferry parking lot to the dock. Those lil bottles of Jose and white zin can sure kick start a vacation...

I have a couple of favorite bay stories...

Last year, I actually had the opportunity to make it up on stage with The Menus at the Beer Barrel Saloon. I did manage to bring home a tambourine from that night...not really sure if it was meant to be a souvenir from the band, but hey...they let me off the stage with it ...

Quite a few years back, I was camping at the bay during the annual Wasted on Wine Weekend. The itinerary for the weekend included (but not limited to) being Blitzed at the Barrel, Loaded at Lonz, Hammered at Heidemans and Crashed at the CampSite. After getting blitzed a few of us headed over to a house where some other friends were staying. One friend in particular was not back from blitzing yet. So we decided - since he was not there to host - we would find his bottle of Jose and help ourselves to a couple of shots (each). We put the bottle back where we found it and then rearranged his room a little. The next day, on the ferry to Lonz, we met up with the missing host. He was looking dazed and confused. Apparently he drank much more than he remembered the night before (he couldn't believe he only had a half bottle of Jose left) and woke up on the floor that morning since his bed was not where he left it and he could not find the light switch to look for it...

And while I was sharing these stories with a friend at work, she told me her own story. Apparently she met her husband at the bay.

Her: So how long are you here for?
Him: Just the weekend.
Her: Where are you staying?
Him: On a boat.
Her: Oh, awesome. A sailboat?
Him: No, a canoe. In my friend's grandma's garage. There were no rooms left on the island.

Peyton PHlaCe...My Office Inbox is full....

Geez, could it be because I am so popular? NOT!!!

Yesterday morning I received an email from someone in our lighting division. It was an empty email with just his business card attached.

And that is when the fun started....

Email...after email...after email...all day long...and into this morning....

Congratulations....you have sent this email to everyone in the world who works for Peyton...Now what do you want? (just to say hi...let everyone know I am here)

Why did you send this to me???? (why not???)

Please STOP replying to ALL - you are flooding my inbox.... (what - you don't like email???)

Will everyone QUIT replying to all.... (that goes for you, too, buddy)

If you must answer, quit replying to ALL!!! (I couldn't find the reply to SOME option)

Please take me out of this email list!!! (what - you don't want to work here no more???)

When you reply to all, you are flooding everyone in Peyton's inbox...(slowing down the system, am I?)

And of course, each of the senders above replied to all:)

But the best....

Dear originalsender@PeytonLighting.com, you forgot forgotten.someomeone@PeytonIS.com Please forward... (to ALL!!!)

I'm Back...

In case you noticed that I was gone...

I did not intend to be MIA for the last few days - I just got busy.

• Busy enjoying the Willoughby fireworks display Sunday evening.
• Busy having fun and relaxing with a friend at Put-in-Bay Sunday and Monday.
• Busy catching up on laundry and bills and my day job yesterday.
• Busy baking for an AHA bake sale and then meeting with Moms last night to plan football meals.

Lest you think I am related to SuperMom, let me tell you that my idea of baking is purchasing tubs of Philadelphia Brand Cheesecake Filling, mixing in some Nestle brand mini chocolate morsels, and spreading the mixture into Keebler Graham Cracker Pie crusts...easy and yummy:)


And the busy-ness is not going to stop any time soon....

• This morning I am up early to package the homemade desserts and do a load of laundry.
• Tonight I hope to swim for an hour after work and then head to Akron to see Dinosaur Rex play at the Getaway Pub. Hope to see CareBear and LDBoy there:)
• Tomorrow after work I am headed to Baldwin-Wallace College to watch G-Man play in a 7 on 7 football thingy...
• This weekend I need to catch up on the Rebel football web...the season is nearly upon us with camp days and planning and all the pre-season hype ...

Happy Independence Day!!!!

Of course if I was independent of all this debt I am in, I could have a much happier day...but I digress.

At least the overcast skies have been replaced with clear blue and sunshine today:) I am about to take advantage of that and head up to the pool in a bit. Exercise and vitamin D all in one - what could be better. And just maybe there will be some eye candy up there for me...

I am a goddess...

Really....

Actually, I may finally be getting to do something I like to do at work...something I am actually half-way decent at and that I can do knowing that someone else is not doing it at the same time and thus making my efforts a waste of time...

Since right after I started at Peyton PHlaCe, seven years now, I have been coordinating the translation of user documents and, more recently, the total product localization, including User Interface. This whole product localization concept is relatively new in the Peyton PHlaCe world.
And it costs a lot of money. And management does not want to spend lots of money for anything. Management wants more, faster, cheaper, and of the utmost quality - like the rest of the product....yeah....uh-huh...that's right.

Well, I do not do such a good job at that...apparently. And to tell you the truth, I am pretty tired of trying. I have found myself having a harder and harder time going into the office each day. You probably could never tell that by reading this blog, but it is true.

Anyway, that may change. I think I have actually, finally convinced my bosses (yeah, I have two) that I could do something else much better. Something else that no one else in the group likes to do, but that I actually enjoy. I am weird like that.

It seems there was a meeting today with everyone in our group except me (because I was not invited - not because I just decided not to show). After the meeting, throughout the day, several co-workers approached me and asked for help releasing their documents since I was now the department ECO goddess per our boss.

Hmmm, that's news to me, but I like it.

I will be printing business cards this weekend. As soon as I finish designing my goddess logo.

Roast this...

I get out of writing a post today...

My good friend and blogging buddy Winky Twinky has honored me with a roast on her blog.

So I am going to send you there, right now....

'Cuz it's good....I'm just Sayin'

So I'm done (pun intended) for the day:)

Thanks, Winky Twinky.

I owe ya:)

Peyton PHlaCe...Gotta love the open office

I think some guys at the office actually believe that we all want to hear all their conversations....

No matter what they are shouting about....

It makes ya wonder - do these guys even know how to whisper???

It is hard to imagine them having a bedroom conversation...

Their kids are surely scarred for life...

A lap is a lap is a lap...

Last evening was fairly productive compared to most of my evenings...

I meant to stop at the grocery store on the way home, but realized when I was in my drive that I missed the store...

So I needed to rethink my evening....

Since I was already home, I grabbed my swimsuit and headed to Bally's because it was too cool to swim in the complex pool.

I should have hit the grocery store first - for a couple of reasons.

I was getting hungry. And I tend to get testy when I am hungry - doesn't everyone???

Anyway, as I headed into the pool area I notice that 2 of the 3 lap lanes are open and there is a gentleman in the loafer's lane doing some arm work. So I instinctively head to an open lap lane. And I lap, not the speed laps or breast stroke laps, but a walk/jog/walk lap. Still a lap. And as usual, someone sporting a 6-pack and compression shorts (really compressed to show his package) suggests that I share the loafer lane so he can do his speed laps. OK, so what - your speed laps are more important than my laps. Or is your time more important than my time that you cannot wait your turn...Thanks to you, effer, I had to add a few more laps to work out my frustration at not having the guts to say that out loud...but someday....

After Bally's I ran a couple other errands before I headed to the grocery store. I went to the bank and deposited checks so my bill payments would not bounce, then I filled my car up with gas, and then I went grocery shopping.

By that time I was reallly hungry. Uh-oh. They had three tubs of cheesecake batter left - better get them all and graham cracker crusts to put that mix in - oh and mini chocolate chips to swirl in there just for added feel goodness. This is an awesome AHA bake sale idea - just as long as I do not crave it too bad before next week. otherwise, i will have to work from home that day because I will have nothing to bring to the bake sale...

I did get some bananas and celery and carrots at the store too. I was craving my fruits and veggies after grabbing that cheesecake batter.

I headed home to whip up some cheesecake and other goodies I had been hoarding. I figured if I made the cheesecake for me, I better make something G-man likes - like chocolate pudding pie:) I figured I had a good two hours before he got home from work expecting the shrimp and pierogi dinner I had promised him - WRONG!!! His car was in the drive and he was anxiously waiting at the table for a rare home-cooked meal.

But I did not let that deter me...I told him it would be awhile because I was not expecting him so early. I had him invite Amy over and go pick her up. That gave me time (cuz Amy is pretty damn slow at getting ready to go anywhere - God love her) to make cheesecake, 7-layer bars, and chocolate pudding pie, shell and cook the shrimp, saute the pierogis and get dinner on the table. Yay me!

That is pretty much my home-cooking for the month. Everything else in Mother Phillipia's cupboards are self-serve:)

After dinner I took a few hours to blog, chat on facebook, send some emails, and update the football web...

An open letter to Hefty® SteelSak® Trash Bags...

Dear Hefty® SteelSak® Trash Bags,

I cannot thank you enough.

You are my bag of choice for taking out the trash.

You do not leak; you do not rip.

You have saved my sanity...more than once.

Phillipia

An Open Letter to Tide...

Dear Tide:

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!

You are a truly awesome product.

I have used you all my life...my mom swore by you, and now I do, too.

In fact, I like you more as I age. Believe it ot not, I am in my fifties (note to self - write to Dove soon).

About a month ago, one of my ass-hole exes dropped by to pick up some of his stuff. While he was here, I happened to spill some of the red wine I was drinking on my new white blouse. He started to insinuate that I may have a drinking problem and suggested I get some help.

Well, one thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse, too! I grabbed a bottle of you (with your bleach alternative) and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well that the nice (hot) detective who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. A few minutes after the detective left, I got a call from my attorney. He informed me that I was no longer a suspect in the disappearance of my ex.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without having to deal with that shit. My exes are always disappearing. I think this one may be gone for good.

Thank you, once again, for being so awesome at what you do.

Phillipia

Secret affairs?

It is Sunday and time to read my weekly horoscope and see what the stars have in store for me this week...

Virgo Weekly Horoscope beginning June 27, 2009

Secret affairs may be tempting. Hell, any affair would be tempting right now...

You will be ready to jump on anyone who gets in the way of your progress this week. I am ready to jump on anyone...

Plan to get out and do a bit of travel. Key word there is "plan" - but otherwise, right on target...PIB, here I come.

Property investments, insurance, tax rebates, or inheritance should bring you financial gains. Well, unless my condo is going to go up in value drastically or someone or something destroys it or my car this may be off base...because anyone who I know has absolutely nothing to leave me in the wake of their untimely demise...

Your lucky day this week will be Monday. Wow, a reason to look forward to a Monday:)

May we have your attention please....

I had just settled into my workday - finally got my computer booted up and was enjoying my second cup of coffee....

Atten !!!! Atten...sion!!

Yesssss????

May we have your ....
This is a safety announcement.....

Yeeeeessss???? So are we suppose to leave the building or what? Is it safer inside or out? C'mon man - we obviously should be doing something besides sitting here waiting for you to spit it out...

...water main break...boil alert...do not drink the water...do not use the tap water for coffee...

It was a SSCOON* moment througout the office.
And then from a someone who obviously had not had enough coffee yet...

What about the water in the toilets?

What about it? You don't usually drink that do you?

*simultaneously shooting coffee out our noses

A sad week in Hollywood...

...unless you are participating in Pa Rock's Dead Pool!!!

Earlier this week it was Ed McMahon of Tonight Show and Reader's Digest Sweepstakes Fame. Damn, I guess I will never get my money now.

Then there was Farrah Fawcett. I am sorry I wished you dead when my ex could not take his eyes off of you long enough to ...oh nevermind...it all seems so trivial now....

But Michael Jackson, thank you, for getting me into the 6-way tie in Pa Rock's Dead Pool.

Seriously, I did not wish the demise of any of these celebrities. My sympathies to their families and friends. To MJ's alleged victims, I hope this brings you some peace.

R.I.P.

Now who else is on my list???? ....just kidding....

Eye of the Tiger...

I like to check out Julia's blog over at Homemade Hilarity every once in awhile.

Not only does it give me a good laugh, it reminds me of some of my forays into domestication...

When G-Man was in grade school, he had to select a craft kit that involved stuffing and sewing a stuffed animal. I never did understand the point of such assignments because you just know it is going to fall on the Moms (or Dads in the case of the 'build a bridge' assignment).

And G-man, being the kid he is, could not select a simple kit. He comes home with an 11-inch Bengal tiger kit.

Me: OMG, G-Man, are you trying to embarrass me???? You know I do not sew.

G-Man: I'll do it; it is my homework.

Me: Like that ever stopped me .

So we compromised and worked together on this thing. I say thing, because it did not look like a tiger when we were done - or not like a healthy tiger, anyway.

It's nose was pretty close to its right eye which was a lot farther from its left eye than it should have been.

One of the ears was twisted inside of itself...permanently.

We sent it to school as the Facially Challenged Lost Bengal of the Jungle. Teach was not impressed; but I did get a C+ for effort.

And being the supportive mom that I am, that tiger rode in the back window of my car until G-Man was a Sophomore in High School.

One of the little neighbor girls who loves G-Man always let me know how much she loved my tiger and came out and blatantly asked for it on several occasion.

Nooooo - G-Man made me that.....

I finally threw it in the trunk one day when I pulled into the school parking lot and realized the visiting football team was the Bengals. A Bengal Rebel would not have gone over too well:(

Heading to C-bus...

I get to do another road trip Friday to C-bus...

Probably will not be as much fun as the last trip in that direction - for me anyway.

But this trip is for G-man; he is participating in a football camp at "The OSU " Horseshoe.

I get to watch and learn and bring a couple good books:)

Not sure if his Dad is planning to go - that will make it a lil more stressful for me but prolly better for G-man.

And it is his day, so I will just stay low - which is pretty easy being as short as I am...

Please slow down...

My life seems in overdrive lately.

Last week I did not get home until 11:00 PM or lately almost every night.

Monday I worked bingo for the football team - got home about 11:15

Tuesday I hosted football Moms at my house till 11:00 - same difference as not getting home til 11:00, right?

Wednesday I was walking the streets of downtown til pretty late.

Thursday I had another business dinner at Bahama Breeze that lasted until a little after 9:30 and then I headed back to work to pick up my car and chatted with the vendor a bit in the parking lot....

Friday was Ame's dance recital. It was long, but it was awesome. There were dancers from age3 - 13. And Ames is awesome, I must admit. She does ballet and tap and modern. And you can tell when watching her that she loves it and puts her whole self into it. Her Swan Lake and Music Box Ballets were my favorite. After the dance recital we went to I-Hop because it was too late for most anywhere else and it is tradition (probably every where in the world) to go to DQ or somewhere comparable after a school concert or recital...

Saturday is sort of a blur...except for the PMS portion of the day (per a previous post) and the mall trip after wards. I needed to get G-man something decent to wear for his senior pictures - whether he wanted it or not. Oh yeah - and I had to get him a haircut because I did not want pictures with the skid marks he had cut into his head a couple weeks ago...

Sunday was lunch with my Dad and then 3 hours of senior picture taking. Kudos to Jessica Vidmar Photograpy. I cannot wait to see the pictures. I just followed around with changes of clothes and did my part to keep Willoughby's finest at bay and asure them that G-man was not going to jump from the train tracks into the raging rapids of the Cuyahoga River....and yes we are keeping ourselves on public property...and no he is not getting indecent in public - well sorta not, anyway.

And Photo Jess snapped a couple of pics of make-up-less moi with G-man (I was not prepared to be in any pics). But who knows, maybe one of the will show a more attractive side of me that my trolling pic....

Last Night I went with G-Man to his Dad's. I knew CareBear and LDBoy would be their because it was their Granpa's 80th Birthday. What I did not realize was that there would be so many other people there. It was nice to see my ex sister-in-law and step-sister-in-law and the ex's aunts and cousins who I have not seen for a good many years. They are a pretty nice down to earth group of people. And they are all really nice to me. So nice that they wondered (out loud, no less) if the ex and I were going to get back together.

Me: Say what????

Ex-someone: Yeah, well it's a shame. He's not dating anyone and do ya think you would get back together?

Me: Say what???? Sorry for him he has not found someone else to shit on...but (don't even ask me if I am dating anyone) hurt me once...that's it. Ok, not always, but that was a hell of a lot of hurt I went through cuz of that asshole. And the kids....

Ex-someone: Oooh, sorry I brought that up - nice weather we're having today...

Me: Oooh, look at the deer out yonder. Is that my phone ringing...let me go get that...

This week has got to get better....

Show the Love!

I got an email from my great-aunt the other day that I thought I should share with you.

Note that Aunt Georgine is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car...

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thunderous prayer meeting. I had your sister's boy Mikey with me. I think he actually liked the prayer meeting - he sure was smiling a lot. These teens nowadays need more Jesus in their life.

Anyway, I bought the sticker and put it on my car. Boy, am I glad I did.

As I was driving home I stopped for a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed that the light was green. I found that he loves Jesus a lot. He honked once rather sheepishly like he was not sure how much he loved Jesus. And then he started honking like crazy. And then he leaned out of his window and started screaming: 'For the love of God!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

And then everyone started honking! It was wonderful. All those people honking for Jesus. I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

And there was another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked Mikey what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. And Mikey started praising the Lord, too and giving everyone the good luck sign.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I just smiled and waved at everyone and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again. That made me kind of sad - that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

I am going to go back to that store and get a whloe lotta those bumper stickers. I will put a few in the mail to you. Once you have one on your car, I know all your friends will want one too.

It is a great way to make new friends - better than that on-line dating thing you are trying.... And you know they all love Jesus!!

Will write again soon.

Thank you, Aunt Georgine....

Thank You, Tricky Dick

I came across an interesting article about the Origins of Fathers Day. I did not realize that it was not a legal holiday until then President Nixon declared it so in 1972.

I can understand how some Fathers (as opposed to Dads) would rather have a National Fishing Day than have to be bothered with the traditions of a National Get Another Damn Tie Day.

I for one am thankful for the National Day to honor Dads.

It reminds me that my Dad is a pretty good guy in his own twisted way and so I take him to lunch and spend a little quality time with him.

It reminds my kids that they do have a Dad who is pretty damn good to them in his own twisted way and so they spend the day with him = day to myself:)

And I see it as a chance to let the Fathers (as opposed to the Dads who enjoy it) see what it is like to be a "Dad" for a day...so take the day off Moms (who are married to Fathers) and head to the spa or the mall or the beach...


Happy Dad's Day to all of the Dads out there!

Looking for a job....

...for G-Man...

The kid has no clue...

I tried to help him get one yesterday, but that did not go too well.

It started yesterday morning as I am trying to get into work - literally. I have my overloaded computer bag in one hand, purse and umbrella in the other, trying to swipe my employee access card and turn the door handle before the access goes red and I get totally drenched, when my purse starts ringing.

Me (thinking it is my boss wondering where the hell I am): Hello.
G-Man: Hey, where are you.
Me: Take 3 guesses.
G-Man: You at work?
Me: Trying to get there.
G-Man: Well the bank screwed me over again. I put that money in you gave me yesterday to cover late fees and it says I am negative again!!!
Me: Go to the bank and get it figured out.
G-Man: But I was positive yesterday when I put in that money...
Me: Just go to the bank and get it straightened out ...
G-Man: Can I ....
Me: Do not even ask me for more money ...
G-Man: Geez Mom, you act like this is my fault...
Me: Just go take care of it...

Lucky for him I was in the office ... or maybe lucky for me, because if I said what was on my mind I would be looking for a job now, too.


When I got home, he smugly told me that he went to the bank and took care of it...talked the guy into dropping some of the fees...must be nice.

He then started rambling about something and quite honestly, I am not sure what happened after that...I just let loose (as I do at times).

I guess he was just having too much fun after having borrowed $200 from me to pay late fees because he did not have any money in his account to begin with...and I am still waiting for car insurance and phone money from him this month...hoping and praying that I have not taken anything out of my account that I forgot to mark down...otherwise I will be seeing some late fees, too.

And then his report card showed up on the table and we have two totally different opinions about what he can and cannot do in the classroom...

Lucky for both of us it is Father's Day Weekend...because we are definitely in need of a little time apart...

Working Dinners....

This has been a work week....

Our localization vendor's team is in town trying to help us do things better...

Actually we get to tell them what we like and do not like about how they are doing things and they explain to us that you only get what ya pay for....one for the vendor:)

So anyway, a coworker and one of my favorite vendor contacts decided to go to dinner Wednesday evening. Unfortunately, they made the mistake of thinking that I could show them a good time. They wanted to eat somewhere outside, overlooking the water....

So we headed downtown...

And walked the streets a little....

And made some new friends who were also from out of town and hoping I knew a good place to get some spirits....

Me (pointing across the alley): That looks like a fun place.
Them: Sure, honey, let's go check it out....
Vendor: Uh, Phillipia, huunnneeee, what are you doing????
Me: What, they wanted spirits???
Them: You girls like to party???
Me: OMG!!! Not the Adult Mart - the lil Irish pub next door. It's there - see it???

The pot at the end of the rainbow...

Another dream shattered...

WTF?

So I have been faithfully wearing my activity monitor for the 2-1/2 weeks.

I actually make th eeffort to reach 100% of my goal each day...

And I do pretty good.

In fact, I usually go over by about 75% (3 round trips to the fridge about covers that).

But today, I was at my desk or in meetings allllll morning...did not get a bit of exercize except to mozy from meeting to meeting and out to my car for a curb-side lunch pick-up.

I usually try to synchronize the monitor with my online data a couple times a day to make sure I keep on track. So, when I got back to my desk after lunch, I plugged the monitor into the USB adapter on my computer. I was expecting to be at about 25% of my goal for the day, if that.

But what should my wondering eyes see...a whopping 500%...with the most activity during my morning meetings....WTF????

I checked and double-checked and changed the battery, and even read the manual, but nothing changed...I was actively burning calories sitting in meetings. Gotta love that:)

I was having an awesome day(per my Peyton PHlaCe activity monitor, anyway) and feeling pretty good about it too.

Off to an afternoon of more meetings....

I am sitting there minding my own business basking in the glory of knowing that I am burning calories just being me....

Voice1: Are you alright?
Me: Yeah, I'm fine, why?
Voice1: You're twirling that activity monitor around like its alive...
Voice2: Isn't that cheating?

Ahhhh...that would explain a few things...

And how can I make this work for me????

I may be funny, but I am not pretty....

I was browsing for content for G-man's calendar Friday. Saturday was ACT day, so I was looking for test material. When I googled "fun tests" the first few returns were for OKCupid.com....hmmm.

A friend had tried to get me to try OK Cupid, so of course I saw this as a sign...

And, against my instincts that kept screaming...NOOOOO, do not do this to yourself again...I did. I posted a profile.

I had not even finished filling out the profile when I got an instant message. I swear, I am a magnet...

IM: Hi, my name is Sam. I want to get to know you. Are you married.
ME: No....
IM: Do you want to be married?
ME: Not right now....
IM: Oh...Do you have children?
ME: Yes.
IM: Oh...well we can work around that.
ME: Really?
IM: Oh yes. Do you date other men?
ME: Not right now.
IM: Good. Can you come to New Mexico?
ME: Why?
IM: I want to marry you.
ME: Uhhh....I gotta go.

Ok, should I just delete my profile now? Oh no, not me...Let's take this a little farther.

There is a forum on the site - ok a few of them - but one that caught my attention. A member was offering advice on profiles. Since mine never seems to get me too far, no matter where I post, I thought it could not hurt to ask for some advice.

Apparently, my picture sucks. I guess I should have gotten the message when someone on another site I posted on commented that he already had a dog.

Mr. Letmecritiqueyourprofile on OK Cupid asked why anyone would post such an awful picture....

ummmm...cuz it's me. I thought they'd get mad if I posted someone else...

So I took down my picture. That little grey profile of a female face is much more attractive.

I really was just looking for comments on the content of my profile...but I am guessing it was just too tough to get past that picture...

Think anyone would get past a picture of Phillipia?

Maybe then I could dazzle them with my personailty before they saw the real me:)

Peyton PHlaCe has my well-being at heart....

So Peyton PHlaCe has a new product that I - as a lucky employee - can obtain free of charge. This product monitors my activity level and thus my my calorie expenditure.

This nifty little monitoring device dangles close to my heart on a fashionable leather necklace...

And it comes with software and a USB interface for easy data synchronization...(they are watching).

I decided when the offer to be a guinea pig for this device came knocking on my cubicle, I had best take advantage. You see, on my last performance review, my boss (who I really love - but who lives on the other side of the country and has no f-ing clue how I spend my off hours) wanted to include as one of my goals for this year that I start an exercise program...

Hmmmm...okay....how about I start going to Bally's three more f-ing days a week...maybe, say, twice a day, 3 hours at a time...am I too fat for you? Ohhhh, I see...you think I'd feel better. I'll tell ya what would make me feel better...but I might get fired...

Deep breaths....

Yeah....so anyway...I ordered the monitor and installed the software and read the user manual....

The first eight days are a baseline period...sort of an evaluation.

So, how do I want to play this? Well I "forgot" to wear my monitor most of the first week...I would forget to put it on in the morning and remember to put it on when I was sitting down to watch TV or read a book or blog.

And who knew the damn thing was waterproof? Not me...so I took it off when I went swimming - the only actual exercise I do....

Since the monitor measures total body movement...well you get the picture...

You are like David. David works long hours and drives everywhere. Your goal is to increase your calorie expenditure to 399 calories per day.

Hmmm...David was looking pretty hot in his picture. I am ok being like David.

But I do have a mid-year performance appraisal coming up, so I had better try to pull this off....

Now that I am almost done with the first week of real monitoring, I am a model student - heck yeah...I am #1 (out of a zillion - cuz every PHC employee around the world has one of these toys).

I get up to pee...I have done 200% of what I did during the eval time and I have burned 20% of my calories. OK, now for a run up the steps.......ding...ding...ding...100% of my goal...I can take the rest of the day off....

And blog:)

I wonder if they need someone to try out the newest version of the defibrillator...

John Kevin, you play dead and I'll try to restart your heart....ooops, I missed.

Good friends jump in the lake for you....

Its 5:30 AM and I hear voices outside - loud voices....and then the doorbell and the phone and banging on the door - uh-oh...

My first thought is that G-man is being escorted home by a few of Willoughby's finest...

But a quick look in his room tells me that he (and a few friends) are already home from their late night debauchery.

And then the doorbell and the phone and banging on the door resumes...

Ahhh - it is my favorite first-born and his friend AC...

Me: Why are you banging on the door? - come on in...

LDboy: Unlock it...let us in...

Me: Oh its locked - that's strange...yeah, I know it should be, but you know me...

LDBoy: Got any warm-up food???

Me: Why are you two all wet? Where have you been?

AC: Uhhh...swimming in the lake...

LDBoy: And dry clothes?

Me: Say what???

So I scrounge through G-mans drawers (actually baskets - because he claims it is my job to put his clothes away - but I digress) and get the boys some dry clothes....

Me: Now spill it...

AC: Your son wanted a cigarette (after 4 weeks of being smoke-free) but me, being the good friend that I am - refused to let him buy any....

LDBoy: He actually paid the gas station attendant not to sell me any...that bitch...I still want a cigarette...

AC: He said he would do anything for a smoke - just name it...So I picked something totally off the wall that I figured he would not attempt...but your son is crazy...

Me: Yeah...he is...all my kids are...they get it from their Dad.

AC:I told him if he could swim out farther in Lake Erie than I could, I would give him a cigarette.

LDBoy: I was already in the car, so we were on the road two minutes later. I know I can swim and am use to cold water; he is use to warm beaches. I should have been good.

AC: Should have gets you nothing...

LDBoy: Yeah, well after I was in the water a couple minutes, I started thinking about what else might be in the water with me besides AC...and so I sort of let him win...

AC: Let me win???? Hey buddy, win this...

Me: Have you two been drinking?

LDBoy: No, ask the cop..

Me: Cop????

AC: He really wanted to arrest us for something...

LDBoy: Wish I coulda read his mind...we have two..uh guys, here just out for a late nite swim we think...

Me: Where were you?

AC: The beach...

Me: What Beach?

LDBoy: In Mentor somewhere...we just put Beach in the Garmin and it took us there...

Me: So, you drove from Akron to Mentor for a 4:30 AM jump in the lake?

LDBoy:The cop said the same thing....

Me: I bet....

AC: I told him we don't have any lakes in Akron.

Thanks for being a friend AC.

Say what???

I got several calls to my cell phone this weekend from this #: 254720634224

Yeah, I know - it's got too many digits to be a real phone number...that's what made me curious...

I missed the first call and almost called back - cuz usually when someone calls my cell, they need or want to get a hold of me..and G-Man was out god knows where doing god knows what (yeah, I let god handle it)...

Anyway, realizing it was not a local #, I googled it - well the first 10 digits anyway...cuz that's all that really matters, right?

It is a cell phone with a Texas area code...oh shit....

Who do I know in Texas that is up to any good? Noone...

But the next time they called, I let my curiosity get the better of me and answered...

Me: Hello?
Texas: Hello? hello? I am blah-blah-mush-blah-crap
Me: Who is this?
Texas: Who is this?
Me: Hey, I asked first!!! And you called me....
Texas: I am blah-blah-mush-blah-crap...
Me: Identify yourself in English - an English that I can understand - or I am hanging up...
Texas: blah-blah-mush-blah-crap-giggity-do-giggity
Me: Click....

A few hours later he (I assumed it was a he although it was a little hard to tell - the voice did have a little feminine quality to it) called back...

And I was still curious (the boredom of my so called life had set in) - so I answered...

Me: Hello?
Texas: Hello? hello? I am looking for blah-blah-mush-blah-crap-creep-giggity-boo-hah-crap
Me: This is not ...hell, I don't know...leave me alone already...why did I answer this call...thank God it is the weekend and it is not costing me anything - I hope...
Texas: I am blah-blah-mush-blah-crap...
Me: Just shut the fuck up til you learn English, ok?
Texas: Click...
Me: And don't call back, ya here?

Problem solved:)

Enough already...

The name is Phillipia - as in Sr. Mary...

Not Phil or Phillip or Melvin (wonder where that came from)....

Do I look like a guy?

Do I look like I have a penis?

Do I look like I want to spend money enlarging some guy's penis?

If you answered NO to all of the above...and you damn well better had...

STOP sending me advertisements for Cialis and Viagara and any other penis enhancing secrets...

Or wait, maybe I should order some to slip into the drink of....

Hmmm, how does that shit work anyway????

Today is my lucky day:)

Really, that's what my horoscope says....

Virgo Weekly Horoscope beginning June 6, 2009
You can meet new friends who will let you know just how valuable you are. Females may put demands or added responsibilities on you. Don't trust a deal that looks too good, or a lover who appears to have it all. Help those incapable of taking care of their personal affairs.

Your lucky day this week will be Sunday.

Well, it's Sunday, and here I am luck...come and show your face:)

God knows I can use some luck right now...good luck, that is...

Don't need any more of that bad luck shit...won't take any more of that bad luck shit...