Weekend Humor...

I dropped G-Man off for Life-Teen retreat last evening.

So I thought it would be a good time to share some classic church humor.

You have probably seen these before, but every time I run across them they make me smile...

Kids' prayers overheard....

Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.

Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.

And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason was sobbing on the ride home.

Dad: What's wrong, Jason.
Jason: That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys.

A Sunday school teacher was walking with her class to a church service.

Teacher: And why should we be quiet in church?
Smartest lil girl in the class: Because people are sleeping.

A mom was making pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys were arguing over who would get the first pancake.

Mom: If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.
Kevin: Ryan, you be Jesus!

A dad was walking on the the beach with his four-year-old son when they came across a dead seagull.

Son: Daddy, what happened to him?
Dad: He died and went to Heaven.
Son: So why's he here? Did God throw him back down?

I'll have the sampler....

Friday I headed down to Kent with a friend to listen to Dinosaurus Rex.

They were playing at the Outpost.

As always it was a great time.

I also enjoy listening to Third Class

I also like long island iced teas....

Where did that come from? I better back up.

Before heading down to Kent, I promised myself I would not drink too much. My ulcer has been acting up a little and it is a long drive back.

Well, that promise went right out the window after reading the mail.. (thank you Father Dick)

I started out with a Long Island Iced Tea...

Barman: Do you want bottom shelf or top shelf?
Me: It is definitely a top shelf day....
Barman: So...Absolut top shelf...
Me: Its a Grey Goose Night...
Barman: Okay, then.

And then I had another...

And then I decided I should probably eat something....

Barman: Can I get you another LIIT?
Me: Not yet, probably not tonight...Could I get a sampler platter?
Customer: Too bad they do not have a sampler platter of drinks...
Me: Oh, they do...it's called a LIIT...
Customer: Good point. Bartender, I'll have one of those...

I should get a commission for the number of LIITs I talked people into trying that night:)

There was a band that played in between DR and TC that made me glad I had the LIIT.

We decided the lead was just trying too hard to make it all about him and his long hair to do the band any good.

After TC played, I was thinking it was time to head home....

But, I really want to make sure I am sober because Brimtucky police can be real annoying...

Just as I was trying to decide - should I stay or should I go????

Pearl Jam came on...okay, not the Pearl Jam.

But they sure sounded pretty damn good.

And they looked pretty damn good too.

Good ear and eye candy:)

They are Lock 4 and are a pretty good cover band - if you like Pearl Jam, Creed, Seven Mary Three, Red Hot Chili Peppers.....

I got me a coffee (not Irish this time) and a tall cold one (H2O) and enjoyed another hour of sobering up....

Dear Anonymous....

WTF?????

You can stop now...

I am rejecting your comments that are filled with links to ads about Viagara and sex toys....

And NO I am not clicking on the ads!!!!!

Seriously!!!!

Oh Look...

Ads for divorce lawyers are popping up in my AdSense ads...

Thank you Father Dick.

Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Hopefully ads for obtaining free marijuana....

Purely for medicinal purposes of course...

Or, maybe toys...ya know...toys for those of us too smart to have a dick in our lives...

Open Letter to Father Dick....

Dear Father Dick,

I am sorry G-Man did not invite you to the B-W campus visit he scheduled for yesterday.

I encouraged him to.

Even if it was under my breath and out of hearing range.

I am going to take it upon myself to invite you to the football sports award banquet.

I am sure he wants you there...

He just does not want you there all high and smelling like weed and noticeably having the munchies.

I think he can handle the Crocodile Dundee/Little House Pa look.

Just as long as it is not combined with the red eyes, glazed over "I am so proud of you son, now where's the goddamn food" look....

Sincerely,

The (WTF was I thinking when I married you) Mom of our Kids