Friday, September 19, 2008

More fun at the office...

One of my co-workers visited and printed an album of herself over the years. We were laughing pretty hysterically at the finished product.

Then I got to thinking....this may be a good chance for anyone thinking about going to the other side to take a look at themselves first....sort of try before you buy...

Let's just say that today I also learned that I do not look too bad as a guy...

Sometime I may post the results...but not right now. We are still laughing our butts off...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Today I learned... what extent some people will go to try to 'delete' their past rather than deal with it. (Their loss.)

...if you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

...if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

...the human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

...a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (Lucky pig.)

...a cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy - I'm still not over the pig.)

...banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour. (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

...the male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body . The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

...the flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

...the catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

...some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

...butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

...the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

...right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

...elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

...a cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

...starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too )

...polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

...humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)


Today I learned...

...several new ways to get out of overlong and unproductive meetings - which I'll keep to my self for the time being:)

...several new ways to make co-workers SSOOTN.

...that meetings are much more fun when we are watching co-workers sleep and betting on how soon they will snore and whether it will wake them up. wasn't just

Where did that post go?

In case you have not noticed, sometimes I post something...and then I have second thoughts....:)

Some things and/or people just aren't worth ranting about....on this blog, anyway

You can always contact me at if you have a comment or an opinion or just want to chat...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Life lessons learned...again

I admit it - I am a slow learner.

Late spring I decided to try once again to enter the wonderful world of dating. It has been quite a ride. And the ride is over. I've decided to put on paper (well, blog) some of the things I learned this time around, as a reminder to myself before the next time (if I ever let there be a next time)!!!!

  • If he seems too good to be true, he most likely is.
  • When he asks for money, run far and fast; regardless of the fact that you have none to give him still have a teenager at home.
  • When he is too hot, sweet, and sexy to still be single, he's proabaly not.
  • When he tells you that you are more beautiful than you know you can possibly be, don't believe him, as bad as you want to.
  • When he tell you he does not care, he really does not care.
  • When your best friends hint that he is not good for you, pay attention. They were right the last time.
  • Poetry, roses, and romantic messages are nice sentiments. But you still need spans of time together and physical contact.
  • When he constantly tells you he is too busy to spend time with you, he probably is. Understand where you are on his priority list, deal with it, and move on. It is not going to change because you want it to.
  • Keep the 'just friends' status for as long as you can, because once you pass that, it is not so easy to get it back, no matter what you tell yourself or how bad you want to.
  • He is who he is and you are who you are. If he does not want to do something for you, he will not be happy doing it. If you need it, it is time to look elsewhere. Remember, you fell for him because of who he was, not who you want him to be.
  • As soon as there is any hint of a guilt trip coming your way, back off fast, before your darkest side emerges...before the fighter in you puts the gloves on....before the Wicked Witch of the Willo flies in on her broom....ooops, too late. We'll just blame that on remnants of a catholic school upbringing...yeah.

Today I learned...

I believe we learn something new everyday.

As I get older, I sometimes tend to forget what I learned just yesterday.

So I have decided to start keeping track....

I will have a Today I learned.. post everyday (if I remember). And if I learn more than one new thing - I will add to the post throughout the day.

Today I learned...

  • You find out so much more about someone after it does not matter anymore.

Why men shouldn't own action figures....

Thanks to Mrs. B for this....

Looking forward to the weekend....

Ok, enough of the whining. It is going to be a good weekend.

My oldest son is on his way home. He will be visiting family and friends in the area for about a week. I am looking forward to seeing him again and spending some time with him - maybe even a night out with him and his friends.

My favorite daughter and her boyfriend and my puppy grandson are coming home for the weekend - yay. Granted she only lives about an hour away, and I can see her fairly regularly. But having her around the house is fun. I miss her smile, her giggle, her smart-ass comments:)
And that night out...she will make it even more fun.

Yes, I will spring for the cab guys - K does not have to be the DD and all the water in the world is probably not going to keep me sober this weekend. But I will do my best not to be stupid. Keep pullin' those beer goggles off me...

And Saturday night is football night. It's the Rebels vs the Vikings at Euclid. Go Rebs! You've already had your two losses for this season:)

And the whole family will be there to cheer you on #25. Just remember, if you go down, you have exactly 60 seconds to get up and off the field....otherwise, well, you know:)

And then Sunday evening dinner at my house....can't wait. All my kids home at the same know I'm lovin' it...

Makes the work week bearable....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

it makes you...

people are going to want you,
need you, exceed you, take you,
love you, hate you, play you,
rate you, save you, and break you
but that's what makes you.

Office Rules

In response to the No Cursing Rule in effect at the office, HR has provided the following suggestions for commonly heard inappropriate phrases....

Instead of: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.
Try saying: I think you could use more training.

Instead of: She’s a fucking bitch.
Try saying: She’s an aggressive go-getter.

Instead of: And when the hell do you expect me to do this?
Try saying: Perhaps I can work late.

Instead of: No fucking way.
Try saying: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.

Instead of: You’ve got to be shitting me!
Try saying: Really?

Instead of: Tell someone who gives a shit.
Try saying: Perhaps you should check with…

Instead of: It’s not my fucking problem.
Try saying: I wasn’t involved in the project.

Instead of: What the fuck?
Try saying: That’s interesting.

Instead of: This shit won’t work.
Try saying: I’m not sure this can be implemented.

Instead of: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner?
Try saying: I’ll try to schedule that.

Instead of: He’s got his head up his ass.
Try saying: He’s not familiar with the issues.

Instead of: Eat shit and die.
Try saying: Excuse me, sir?

Instead of: Kiss my ass.
Try saying: So you weren’t happy with it?

Instead of: Fuck it, I’m on salary.
Try saying: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.

Instead of: Shove it up your ass.
Try saying: I don’t think you understand.

Instead of: This fucking job sucks.
Try saying: I love a challenge.

Instead of: Who the fuck died and made you boss?
Try saying: You want me to take care of that?

Instead of: He’s a prick.
Try saying: He’s somewhat insensitive.

Getting Older

Monday, September 15, 2008

Need you ask???

Am I a Martha or a Maxine?

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Celery? Never heard of it!

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Monday Morning Lookback...

I drove into work this morning only to find the power out. So, rather than spend time in the dark with co-workers (not that that might not be fun with a few of them) I opted to head back home and 'work' from here...

Monday mornings in the office always beg the what did you do this weekend? And since I am not in the office, I will pretend you asked...

Friday nights late August til late October are taken up with HS football, which I almost always enjoy. This week was no exception. The crowd (at least where I was sitting) was an over-friendly group. Hugs and high fives all around after every touchdown - you'd think we were on the field making all those great plays - but we had the kids, right? If it weren't for us....

Saturday was a great day for sleeping...I think the OSU players felt the same way...

Sunday morning I actually got up and made it to Ballys when they opened at 8:00 am. I have learned that the crowds are different on different days. Early morning weekdays are for the before work regulars and the senior citizens who are always up before the sun. Evenings are for the beautiful people - tasty eye candy for the rest of us:) Sundays are for the friendlier crowd - with sincere 'good morning' and 'how are you today?' greetings all around.

Despite the approaching storms, Sunday afternoon was a beautiful day to sit on the deck and get a little work done. Make some wings for the game, nap a little so I can stay up to watch the game, and then wonder why I thought this might be the time the Browns actually defend our house. Glad wings keep well, 'cuz I lost my appetite before the second half....

I did not make it to Bally's this am. It was not too hard to convince myself that I could go tonight instead. Maybe if I hang around the beautiful people enough I will become one...

Now back to the 'work' I am going to do from home today...

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Moody Blue Sunday

I am in one of my funky, blue, depressing moods again where I keep asking myself the same things over and over....

How did I get to this time and place in my life...

Is this where I really want to be...

How long am I going to wait for things to move in the direction I hope they will...

Have I gone and done it again?