Saturday, March 21, 2009

More Phun at Peyton PHlaCe

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been trying to work from home one or two days a week. I get so much more done at home. And since many of my contacts are located in different time zones around the world, my day does not start and end during "normal" work hours.

And I do make myself available almost as if I were sitting at my desk in the office. I am available on company instant messaging and email. I leave my cell phone number on my instant message status. The only things I do not do are participate personally in meetings (I am available to call in if I feel the need) and I do not answer my desk phone. Of course, I am also not available for water cooler conversations....those I miss:)

So, why am I retelling you this? Because many of my colleagues who are stuck in the office occasionally show signs of bitterness when I am not physically within their sights or at least answering my phone. Sometimes I go in after a day at home and find I have three messages from the same person whose office may be on the other side of the building. The first message asks me to call them. The next message informs me why I need to call them and lets me know that they are waiting to hear back. By the third message, they are usually a little ticked off that I have not called them back. If there is a fourth message it is usually not repeatable...

Now I am available on instant messaging and everyone in the office has access to the instant messaging service. Again, my status clearly states that I am working and available from home and can be reached via email and cell (# provided) as well. But they do not call me on my cell...why should they? They called the office phone...They do not instant message me...why should they? They called my office phone...

So I have changed my voicemail greeting:

"...You have reached my voicemail (duh). If I do not respond to your call in a respectable amount of time, it is probably because I am out of the office on PTO or working from home (and probably did not get the call; I do not ignore you just to piss you off). The best way to reach me at anytime is to send an email or an instant message."
That approach has helped somewhat. Of course, there are always a few who still choose to believe that I am at home eating bon bons, watching soaps, shopping, partying, blogging (ooops), or whatever. Actually, I do have a basement full of elves that I make do all the actual work that get done when I work from home...and my laundry, toilet cleaning, dishes, cooking, etc, but that is a story for a different day (and I'd appreciate it if you could keep that between us).

And there are a few more who leave a voicemail that they will email me. They email asking me to call them. If they do not let me know why I should call them, chances are that I will answer my other higher priority emails before I call them (because by then I will get a second email telling me why I need to call them). And if I am in a meeting (via phone from home) and do not call back right away, I will probably get a third email copied to my boss and my boss's boss explaining that I am holding up company revenue and I really should get back to them. Which of course I do as soon as my meeting is ended because if have the power to hold up company revenue, I must be pretty important and I probably should act like it....

So now I am thinking that maybe I should have a response message on my email as well. I decided to try to find some ideas by doing what I do best...yeah, stumbling. Here are a few samples I came across that just might work for me:

I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you would not have received anything at all.

Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

Hi, I'm thinking about what you just sent me. Please wait by your computer for my response.

I've run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Phillip instead of Phillipia.

I like the way this lady thinks...

If only more of our mothers' generation thought like this, the men of our generation would probably be easier to please...well, some of them anyway...

Friday, March 20, 2009

A New Mascot (Apologies to Uncle Sam)...

30 Harsh Things...

...a woman can say to a naked man...
  1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
  2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
  3. Why don't we just cuddle?
  4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
  5. Make it dance.
  6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
  7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
  8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
  9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
  10. Oh no... a flash headache
  11. (giggle and point)
  12. Can I be honest with you?
  13. How sweet, you brought incense.
  14. This explains your car.
  15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
  16. Why is God punishing me?
  17. At least this won't take long.
  18. I never saw one like that before.
  19. But it still works, right?
  20. It looks so unused.
  21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
  22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
  23. Are you cold?
  24. If you get me real drunk first.
  25. Is that an optical illusion?
  26. What is that?
  27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
  28. Does it come with an air pump?
  29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
  30. I guess this makes me the early bird.
I can honestly say that I have never been this harsh....

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Today being the Feast of St. Joseph....

...and St. Joseph being the father of all fathers, surely would have sent his Son to a Catholic school, had there been Catholic schools when he was raising his Son...

Ok, I'll cut the crap....

I just like this cartoon, because I find it so true, from personal experience...well, almost - I am not now nor have I ever been anyone's son - just thought maybe that needed clarification....

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A new stress relief plan....

I have been way over stressed lately - at work and at home.

At work there is just too much to do, too many people wanting it done - too many different ways and yesterday.

At home, I admit, it is my own fault. I try to do too much. Because there is soooo much I want to do.

But as I was stumbling for some work related info, I came across a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals (I wish I knew which specific journals so I could write them a letter of thanks...).

Anyway, try this 7-step stress reducer the next time you have having an especially frustrating works...really...
1. Picture yourself near a stream in the mountains.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water.

It got me about you?

Ipod Family

Probably more like great, great, grandfather, but still....

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Irish have a great philosophy...

In life, there are only two things to worry about...
Either you are well or you are sick.

If you are well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you are sick, there are only two things to worry about...
Either you will get well or you will die.

If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about...
Either you will go to heaven or hell.

If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
And if you go to hell, you’ll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends...
You won’t have time to worry!

Irish Diplomacy....

I am part Irish, thanks to my Mom, so I can celebrate today without feeling guilty...not that I would anyway; guilt is one thing I have had so much of throughout my Catholic upbringing, that I do not even feel it any more, but I digress....

And the Irish do know how to celebrate...from their morning coffee to their night cap...

And being Irish, I love to celebrate, not just on this special day, but anyday...for any reason.

One thing I did not get from my Irish roots is my sense of diplomacy The Irish seem to have that God-given ability to tell a man to go to hell in such a way that he looks forward to the trip. For that, I seem to lean toward the Italian in me. Yeah, if I want ya to go there, I pretty much do my best to help ya get there......

But on this day, let me leave you, my friends, with this Irish blessing...

Don’t walk in front of me,I may not follow.

Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.

Walk beside me, and just be my friend.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Second thoughts...

I am blogging again so soon because a few seconds ago, as I was posting a comment on a friend's blog, I thought of a potentially good money making idea....

I wanted it to share it with you, but now I am having second thoughts...

I think I will keep it to myself or at least between myself and someone who can help me make it happen....

Call me quick, ldboy, before someone else thinks of it and has the brains to implement it ....or before I forget what it was....

Another reason to drink...

In health news reported today:
Alcohol May Keep Bones Strong

Beer, Wine Seem To Have More Benefit Than Liquor
I gotta tell ya, whoever decided to fund this research had the good of all of us hard working Americans in mind. I mean the last study my doctor made reference to on this subject indicated to her that I was an alcoholic because I felt the need for a couple glasses of wine and a shot of Jose each evening after a stressful day at the office. I tried to tell her it was purely medicinal....

Now I have proof. 100% proof...
"Researchers studied more than 2,700 people by finding out how much they drink and checking their bone density in the hips and spine.

Men who had one or two beers a day had bones that were about 4 percent more dense than men who did not drink. But bone strength dropped for men who had more than two drinks a day.

Women who had two or more glasses of wine or liquor a day had 5 to 8 percent denser bones than those who did not drink."
This is exciting news, especially for us gals.
It seems men should have exactly two beers a day - no more, no less - if they want a good backbone...

No we (girls), on the other hand, should drink at least two glasses of wine or liquor (Zin and Jose - a match made in heaven) a day to keep our bones in good shape. Yes, doc, purely medicinal...
I do have a couple or three questions, tho...
  1. What if women drink beer instead of wine or liquor? Is liquor just quicker, or does beer not do it for the female bone structure?
  2. And what if some of the guys prefer Jose or Jim Beam to Sam Adams? Well??? How are your bones, ldboy?
  3. Could I be part of any future studies on the subject? I'll work cheap...

Who minds a dirty house?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

A Great Weekend..almost...

It is Sunday and here I am trying not to dread Monday...

But thinking back, this has been a pretty good weekend...

Not perfect, mind you, cause I am missing a couple of friends...really bad, but, I digress...

The weekend was suppose to be different than it was. I had plans to go to the Kent games at MAC tournament with CareBear and KB; but Kent BBall team spoiled those plans on Thursday.

But we can handle it...time for plan B...a much more economical plan (for me anyway). It was also better because ldboy visited (since there was no BBall involved) and probably financed most of the night, if I know him. What a good brother (and son, of course).

So early Friday was great with kids coming in and out and me staying home - offering to be designated driver, but not getting to - and playing with my laptop....yay...

I love my laptop - you have probably heard that before. What a good son ldboy is to get me it last Christmas. What a bad Mom I am to close it with a pen in it this past November. What a good guy KB is to fix it for the cost of the screen....I will be more careful, I promise.

All weekend I have been loving my laptop...

I took a little break today to hit up Bally's, Heinens, Sunny D...

Now I am back...with a Little King in hand...(thanks CareBear and KB)...

And as I am cleaning up my Mozilla bookmarks, I find a link to a page with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs; but the lyrics are not quite the way I remember them....

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches
Lord, I almost died.
But I’d spent o’ so many nights
just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on. . .

But there you are,
Another lie!
I was ready for a Big Mac
and you’ve brought me a French fry.
I should have known it was so small,
Just a sad pathetic dream,
have known there was no Anaconda
lurking in those jeans.

Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don’t you promise me 10 inches
then turn up with only 4,
Weren’t you a jerk to think I wouldn’t notice it pop out, Don’t you
know we’re only joking when we say size doesn’t count?

I will survive,
I will survive,
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex.
I will survive,
I will survive. . hey, hey!

It took all my self control
not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener
standing small and proud.
But too bad about your ego
and to Hell with all your needs!
Now I’m saving all my lovin’
for a cordless multispeed

Go on now go,
Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a dick that small
I was treating nappy rash.
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for pictures, please!
Then I wouldn’t have you waving that
wee winkie thing at me.

Go on now go,
Just hit the track,
Don’t you bring me home no little worm,
I’ll always throw them back.
The only thing that I could do with a
dick as small as that,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick
And then feed it to the cat!

I will survive,
I will survive,
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life’s gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex.
I will survive,
I will survive. .hey, hey!

Go on now go,
Get out of my sight,
I’m going back to my appliance,
Cuz I know its length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny pecker peckin’ at my door, You’ll be
counting your 4 inches as you pick them off the floor.

Go on now Go!

Today's Lesson...

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
Between 1 and 78, a man is like Iran , Ruled by Nuts.