Friday, March 6, 2009

Weekend Plans...

I do have some goals this weekend...

Get lots of rest....
Get rid of the damn cold/flu bug that does not want to
let go...
Catch up on lots of things I am behind on...

Which brings us to another list...

Update Rebel Mom's Web with after prom, fashion show, and scholarship info...
Update Rebel Football Web with countdown clock, junior and sophomore profiles, off season schedules, season schedule...
Housework: Laundry, Dishes, Dusting...
Grocery Shopping...
Budgeting (aka...shifting money I do not have to pay bills I cannot afford)...
Helping G-man put a recruiting plan in place...

All of this tomorrow, because Sunday morning I am headed to Kent to watch a Track and Field meet (run, G-man, run).

Maybe I will make it to Bally's too..

Maybe I will just concentrate on resting and getting well and forgetting the rest (of the chores, that is)...

But I do need to hit up the library soon - I am out of books to read while I am resting and getting well:(

Thursday, March 5, 2009

IMPORTANT Public Service Announcement!!!

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Immediately forward this medical alert to at least five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Thanks to JenB for this submission...

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

F*** my life...

So G-man told me about a website he thought I might enjoy. He was right; I did enjoy browsing enough to want to share with my readers...

However, as I was reading, I came across an entry that I hoped CareBear had not submitted, true as it was:(

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend.FML.

Gracious Sarah....

I do not understand how politicians can kiss and make-up after such bitter election campaigns.

For example, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has invited Barack Obama and Joe Biden to visit her great state. She has set up a moose hunting trip during their visit. To ensure they get the most out of the hunt, she has hired three prominent experts in their field to assist them.
Dick Cheney will lead them on the hunt...

Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins each evening...

Bill Clinton will entertain their wives and daughters while the hunters are afield...

Thanks to my brother for this submission...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

If Abbott and Costello were alive today....

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the name's Lou .
Abbott:Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou .
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something ?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.
Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office..
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
Costello: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with yourcomputer.
Costello: What's bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A few days later....

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click on 'START'.............

Thanks Coach Rick for this submission...

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Greetings from Wal-Mart

After my Dad retired, my Mom insisted that he accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Like most men, Dad found shopping boring; unfortunately for him, Mom loved to browse, leaving Dad on his own.
Last week, Mom got a letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. S,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate his behavior any longer and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr. S are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Mr S. took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Mr S. set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
July 7: Mr S. made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Mr S. walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
August 4: Mr S. went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
August 14: Mr S. moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Mr S. set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him. Mr S. began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
September 4: Mr S. looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, Mr S. asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Mr S. darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, Mr S. practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Mr S. hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, Mr. S. assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OHNO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least, on October 23: Mr S. went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Ok, Mr. S. is not my dad....really...

Further Adventures of Phat Phil...

When last we left Phat Phil, he had just accepted a new position as route supervisor for Greener Side News (GSN).

As Phil soon learned, there is a lot that goes on inside an office that he did not have privy to while walking (or running) his route for his former employer....

For example...
Office construction (and reconstruction) never ends. It is almost as if the cubicles were made of Lego's. Except that the cubicle pieces are not reusable. But, the constant re(construction) does help Phil understand why there were no merit increases this year.

Although Phil has been lucky enough to have the same office space since he started his current position, he is thinking it may be time for a change. Why? Because Phil's office space seems to be the proverbial water cooler. He is having a tough time working through the constant barage of impromptu meetings in and around his cubicle. Phil has tried a proactive approach, including posting "No Loitering" signs and letting loose the occasional blast of "Fart in a Can." The "No Loitering" signs have become objects of grafitti abuse; the blasts of "Fart in a Can" are laughingly blamed on neighbor KenBo.

Phil has considered reserving a conference room for the impromptu meetings...however, as he soon realized, there are not enough conference rooms in the building for the meetings that are scheduled. There are some open areas that would make do for conference rooms, but they are being re-constructed as visitor lounges with couches and lamps and other amenities in hopes of luring new customers.

There is the possibility of working from home a couple days a week to avoid the office chatter, however, GSN has not yet master the finer points of telecommuting, such as a reliable VPN connection. So working at home is an option only when Phil does not need to access the GSN intranet and network drives.

Being in the offices does have its advantages. It makes possible attendance at Quarterly Town Hall Meetings at which GSN's CEO presents the State of the Business. Everone grab your bingo card, because there is sure to be an onslaught of key words and phrases...synergy, ROFO, EBITA, employee engagement, satisfaction, margin, profitabilty, results, share, customer delight, emerging markets, downsizing, outsourcing, bottom line....BINGO in the back...

Phil and the hundred or so coworkers seated around him are always amazed that the employee engagement survey shows increased employee satisfaction quarter after quarter. They must have sent their responses to the wrong email address....again. Damn....

Someecards of the season...

There's always the stimulus....