Sunday, March 1, 2009

Greetings from Wal-Mart

After my Dad retired, my Mom insisted that he accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Like most men, Dad found shopping boring; unfortunately for him, Mom loved to browse, leaving Dad on his own.
Last week, Mom got a letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. S,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate his behavior any longer and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr. S are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Mr S. took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Mr S. set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
July 7: Mr S. made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Mr S. walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
August 4: Mr S. went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
August 14: Mr S. moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Mr S. set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him. Mr S. began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
September 4: Mr S. looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, Mr S. asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Mr S. darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, Mr S. practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Mr S. hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, Mr. S. assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OHNO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least, on October 23: Mr S. went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Ok, Mr. S. is not my dad....really...

1 comment:

Dawn said...

OMG...that's so funny... seems like I've another friend with the same problem...is this a contagious condition?? Geez, I hope it's not what I have to look forward to ..... lol ;)