From the mouths of pups...

Dear God:

Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

I am trying to be a good dog, but there is so much to remember....

The litter box is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
Dad does not like when I play tug-of-war with his underwear when he's on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying 'hello'.
I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
I should not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
I shoiuld not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
crotch.
The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And one more thing, if I am good enough to get to doggie heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Press 1 for English....

After an exhaustive review of research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:

Japanese eat very little fat and suffer
fewer heart attacks than us...

Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer
fewer heart attacks than us...

Chinese drink very little red wine and
suffer fewer heart attacks than us...

Italians drink excessive amounts of red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us...

Germans drink beer and eat lots of
sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Conclusion:

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.

But not to worry....
our government is trying to correct the problem...

I've had enough...

...of this stuff called snow...
...time to say goodbye...

I only want to live to 90 if I am a success....

Life is graded on a curve...

At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
   At age 12, success is...having friends.
     At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
       At age 20, success is...having sex.
        At age 35, success is...having money.
        At age 50, success is...having money.
       At age 60, success is...having sex.
     At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
   At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.

Superheroes wear PJ's too...

G-Man has been on a rather annoying Chuck Norris kick lately.

Out of the blue he will ask whoever is around if they knew some random fact about Chuck norris.

Now I like looking at Chuck as much as any woman who can still breathe, but randomly hearing quips about his supposed superhero powers is enough to turn anyone off after awhile...

Hmmm, maybe that's G-Man's plan...if we get sick of hearing about Chuck, we will want to hear more about him...it is not working...

But there was one random fact I actually laughed at, probably because it brought back memories of my kids running around in their Superman PJs.

Did you know that Superman wears Chuck Norris PJ's to bed?

Brad Pitt is the hottest...

Shrek, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez were all having lunch together.

Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the World, but how can I be sure?

Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest man alive but I've Never had it confirmed.'

Jennifer Lopez agreed. 'I'm told I'm the sexiest of them all, but Sometimes I wonder.'

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen's mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest.

They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, it 's true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.'

Brad Pitt walked in and boasted, 'It is true, it has been confirmed that I am the hottest man on the planet!"

Jennifer Lopez walked in, head bent down with a scowl on her face and said "Who in the hell is Phillipia?"