It sucks...not

So I was at Walmart the other day and feeling like my life sucked...when I happened past the vacuum aisle....

Just the thing to buy so my life could suck a little more...

I spent some time comparing models. According to the specs, none of them were self-sucking, so I just chose one that I thought would suck the best...on the stairs, on the ceiling, on the carpet, on the hard wood floors, and on the linoleum...

I ended up bringing home THE BOSS. But before I opened the box, I decided to check the reviews on-line...yeah, I do things backwards at times.

According to the online review(s) (they all said the same thing) THE BOSS is not all it is cracked up to be....though built to suck, it doesn't. At least not very well...

So that sucker is going back....

A blast from the past...

So as I am shutting down my computer to go into what I knew would be a boring meeting, I got an instant message from LDBoy...it was just a link.....

http://www.cleveland.com/insideout/index.ssf/2009/05/glass_house_in_bath_township_r.html


Yeah, remember the post I wrote a short time ago about LDBoy's glass house era. That's the house.

No he was not the one who broke the windows and punched holes in the wall - that was his roomate. The one he is rooming with in the stone house now...stone...it does not give...

But glass house man is doing much better - he is taking his meds and they seem to be working. He is back to his fun, mellow self - the nice kid who LDBoy has known since he was in kindergarten.

And for the sake of accuracy, he drove two cars into that river...not one. It was spur of the moment research...twice.

And those were not water bottles he piled in the first floor office, they were Propel bottles. G-man remembers first hand.

It was harmless fun, Mom...like an adult ball pit...better than at Chuckie Cheese, tho - no little kids screaming and peeing and....

G-man used to visit and play video games with his friends in one of the upstairs rooms; they used a projector and made the screen the size of the wall.

CareBear used to get lost in the house....

"talk to me so I can follow your voice..."

I had a Mom's room all picked out...damn, so close!

Monday Morning at the office...

Each Monday morning at Peyton PHlace, the office rabble centers around the weekend. And this Monday was no exception. Some tidbits I overheard...

"Did you enjoy Mother's Day?"

"I guess...I mean I spent three hours at my Mom's, four hours at his Mom's and the rest of the day trying to scramble to do the things I usually do on Sundays, like laundry and bills and lunches and get the kids ready for next week..."

"What did you do for your Mom?"

"I moved far away years ago so she has no holiday expectations from me....

"The nursing home she is in does not allow visitors...really..."

"What did you do for your wife? "

"She's not my Mom!" (let's not go their again)

"I gave her a really nice card and I wrote 'Without you I would be a Dad.' I spent the rest of the day hearing her give the kids stupid lessons on how leaving one word out ..." (hmm, wonder what she'll get next year)

"I gave her an AK-47, because home security is the best gift of all!"

"Did you have a nice weekend?"

"Yes I did, thanks for asking....My weekend started with a meeting of a couple of neighborhood Moms to plan for some upcoming school events. We of course invited Mike...as he is hard, cold, and refreshing, and the only guy we let come in our mouths. Hey, where ya going...don't ya want to hear about the rest of my weekend?"

Happy Mother's Day

This is my 300th blog post as Phillipia (that is, if you forget about the ones I deleted because I was ranting about mothers who subsequently threatened to tell my naughtiest secrets ) and I have decided to celebrate by dedicating it to mother's everywhere....

Yeah, not Moms, but mothers - mother fuckers to be more exact....

100 MFers on the wall,
100 MFers on the wall
Kick one until you make him fall...
99 MFs on the wall....

To all you MFers who...

• would not consider buying your wife a card yesterday because "she is not MY MOM"...
• who give your "GF" excuse after excuse for not doing what she asks until she finally says goodbye and you act hurt and surprised when all along it was what you were trying for but were too much of a pussy to just end it honestly...
• stay out of touch for weeks at a time and then do not understand why we are not just so thrilled to see you cuz you know you are god's gift to us...
• just want to meet in the parking lot and "if we hit it off we will get a room, sweetheart"...who needs dinner...
• just do not know how to say "I do not want to even be friends, bitch" but just decide to never answer our emails or messages again...get the hint, woman...
• forget to tell us about the wife at home with 6 kids that you gave the ungrateful whore....

OK...I'm done...last week was a rough week and everything from the past just came bounding back and the above needed to be said....for my mental health...

Well, it probably did not need to be said, but I said it anyway, because that is the way I am...just ask those Rebel Moms...but that's a story for another time...

Anything you want to add...be my guest...

Happy Moms' Day!

Yes, Moms because there are a lot of moms out there and not Mothers' because...well, even guys can be mothers of a sort and we are not celebrating that...at least not today:)

For me, Mom's day is a chance to reflect on how blessed I am to have three wonderful kids...

And to chuckle at some of the things they are probably thinking today.....

LDBoy....

CareBear....

G-Man....

and each of them in their own little world....(There is no significance to there being a girl on that card.)

And hopefully no one I know is thinking this today...
Thanks to all three of you for allowing me to feel so blessed on this Mom's Day:)