Housework Saturday...

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance...

Words to live by...

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Yes, inside this body lives a fit and trim woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with warm brownies ala mode.

Today's vocab lesson...

Arbitrator (ar'-bi-tray-ter): A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable (uh-voy'-duh-buhl): What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney (buh-lo'-nee): Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette (burn'-a-det): The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize (bur'-gler-ize): What a crook sees with.

Control (kon-trol'): A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiters (kown-ter-fit-ers): Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse (i-klips'): What an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper (i'-drop-ur): A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes (hee'-rhos): What a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank (left' bangk'): What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Misty (mis'-tee): How golfers create divots.

Paradox (par'-u-doks): Two physicians.

Parasites (par'-uh-sites): What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist (farm'-uh-sist): A helper on the farm.

Polarize (po'-lur-ize): What penguins and white bears see with.

Primate (pri'-mat): Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief (ree-leef'): What trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck (rub'-er-nek): What you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress (seem'-stres): Describes 200 pounds in a size two.

Selfish (sel'-fish): What the owner of a seafood store does.

Subdued (sub-dood'): A guy, that works on one of those submarines.

Sudafed (sood'-a-fed): Bringing litigation against a government official

Let us pray...

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.

Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5.It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Students entering college for the first time this fall were generally born in 1990.

For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead.

1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.

2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.

3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.

4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.

5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.

6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.

7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.

8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce “tax revenue increases.”

9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.

10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.

11. All have had a relative--or known about a friend's relative--who died comfortably at home with Hospice.

12. As a precursor to “whatever,” they have recognized that some people “just don’t get it.”

13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.

14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.

15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.

16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.

17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.

18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.

19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.

20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.

21. Students have always been "Rocking the Vote.”

22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.

23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.

24. We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”

25. There have always been gay rabbis.

26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.

27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.

28. IBM has never made typewriters.

29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.

30. McDonald’s and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.

31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.

32. There has always been Pearl Jam.

33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.

34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.

35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.

36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.

37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.

38. Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.

39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.

40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.

41. Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.

42. Their parents may have watched The American Gladiators on TV the day they were born.

43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.

44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.

45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.

46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.

47. They never heard an attendant ask “Want me to check under the hood?”

48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.

49. Soft drink refills have always been free.

50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about “nothing.”

51. Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.

52. Muscovites have always been able to buy Big Macs.

53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.

54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.

55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.

56. Michael Millken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.

57. Off-shore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.

58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.

59. There have always been charter schools.

60. Students always had Goosebumps.

Placing blame....

As a Mom, one of my biggest fears is that my children will end up in a situation like Columbine or in the wrong place at the wrong time and be hurt in an accident, or worst yet be the cause of an accident that hurts someone else. But I hope that if that ever happens, I will be able to hold true to my belief that although we may not be able control what someone does to us or what happens to us, we can control how we react and adjust to what life gives us...Looking to place blame and foster anger only slows the healing process...

I read the following in an email and and just wanted to share Darrell Scott's words because I have a lot of respect for what he says...

On Thursday, May 8, 2008, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary committee's subcommittee. The following is a portion of the transcript of his speech:

'Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers!

'The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field.
The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.

'In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.

'I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy, it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best.

Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question 'Why?'
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!

'Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God,and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And, when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs, politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seekto pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre.The real villain lies within our own hearts.

'As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America, and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School, prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of youwho would point your finger at the NRA, I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone!

'My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!'

Morning Workouts....

I joined Bally's a few months ago because I do not like to sweat....Bally's has a pool, so even though I know I am sweating in water, I do not feel like it...it is awesome...low impact, low sweat stress release...

I have finally realized that no matter how many mornings I go to Ballys and exercize in the pool, I will not lose weight unless I slow down on the food intake as well...but at least I am not gaining....And after a morning at Bally's I feel like I could take on the world...

Early mornings are quiet for the most part at Bally's...provided noone talks to certain individuals. I walk in to the pool area with eyes straight ahead because I have not yet had my morning coffee and cannot deal with the sound of voices echoing off all the walls.

Some of the voices are interesting, though. For instance, there is the voice belonging to member who swam competitively on the US Team in the 80s. "Are you watching the olympics? Are they inspiring you?" ...Oh yeah, inspired to sit on my couch and watch more - cuz those guys are built....

Time for breakfast...brownie or cheesecake with that coffee?

What this girl wants....

I have been a divorced single Mom for a lot of years. I enjoy being a Mom - all of it. My kids have always been my top priority (not that I haven't screwed up at times).

I have not dated a whole lot during my single mom years, mostly because I have not actively looked for a partner. Though I am active in school and community groups and have a lot of friends, male and female, I have not been willing to let a relationship go past friendship. Not quite sure why...maybe because I think I know what I don't want in a partner, but I am not quite sure what I do want.

A couple of things I have always known are that I am not willing to share a partner and that I do not want to grow old alone. I also realize that I am not getting any younger and my kids are well on their way to independence - not needing me to be available to them all the time...

So a few months ago I decided that maybe it is time I start looking for that special someone. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. So much so that I have decided that I am still not quite ready. But through it all, I have learned quite a few things about myself (including what I want/need in that special someone)...

• I need to learn to not get attached so quickly, to take things slower...
• I need to learn to realize (and accept) sooner when he is not looking for who I am at all...
• I need to not have to wonder how the man in my life (henceforth, he or him) feels about me....
• I need to be able to hold him often...
• I need him to want to know about my life...where I am, what I am doing...because he is interested and cares...
• I need him to want to share my life, my family....
• I need him to want me to share in his life....
• I need to know what he needs/wants and I need to want to make him happy...
  
• I need to be comfortable enough with him to not worry about where he is or what he is doing all the time, because I know that he is not doing anything or with anyone he would not feel comfortable telling me about...
  
• I need to be comfortable enough with him to know I can tell him about anything I am doing or have done, because I know that he knows I am not doing anything or with anyone I would not feel comfortable telling him about...
• I need him to have a sense of humor, to love to laugh, to be spontaneous at times...
• I need him to want us to grow old together, enjoying each other for the rest of our natural lives...

Yeah, I know it is a lot and I may never find that special someone, but I am who I am...