What this girl wants....

I have been a divorced single Mom for a lot of years. I enjoy being a Mom - all of it. My kids have always been my top priority (not that I haven't screwed up at times).

I have not dated a whole lot during my single mom years, mostly because I have not actively looked for a partner. Though I am active in school and community groups and have a lot of friends, male and female, I have not been willing to let a relationship go past friendship. Not quite sure why...maybe because I think I know what I don't want in a partner, but I am not quite sure what I do want.

A couple of things I have always known are that I am not willing to share a partner and that I do not want to grow old alone. I also realize that I am not getting any younger and my kids are well on their way to independence - not needing me to be available to them all the time...

So a few months ago I decided that maybe it is time I start looking for that special someone. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. So much so that I have decided that I am still not quite ready. But through it all, I have learned quite a few things about myself (including what I want/need in that special someone)...

• I need to learn to not get attached so quickly, to take things slower...
• I need to learn to realize (and accept) sooner when he is not looking for who I am at all...
• I need to not have to wonder how the man in my life (henceforth, he or him) feels about me....
• I need to be able to hold him often...
• I need him to want to know about my life...where I am, what I am doing...because he is interested and cares...
• I need him to want to share my life, my family....
• I need him to want me to share in his life....
• I need to know what he needs/wants and I need to want to make him happy...
  
• I need to be comfortable enough with him to not worry about where he is or what he is doing all the time, because I know that he is not doing anything or with anyone he would not feel comfortable telling me about...
  
• I need to be comfortable enough with him to know I can tell him about anything I am doing or have done, because I know that he knows I am not doing anything or with anyone I would not feel comfortable telling him about...
• I need him to have a sense of humor, to love to laugh, to be spontaneous at times...
• I need him to want us to grow old together, enjoying each other for the rest of our natural lives...

Yeah, I know it is a lot and I may never find that special someone, but I am who I am...