Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Office Rules

In response to the No Cursing Rule in effect at the office, HR has provided the following suggestions for commonly heard inappropriate phrases....

Instead of: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.
Try saying: I think you could use more training.

Instead of: She’s a fucking bitch.
Try saying: She’s an aggressive go-getter.

Instead of: And when the hell do you expect me to do this?
Try saying: Perhaps I can work late.

Instead of: No fucking way.
Try saying: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.

Instead of: You’ve got to be shitting me!
Try saying: Really?

Instead of: Tell someone who gives a shit.
Try saying: Perhaps you should check with…

Instead of: It’s not my fucking problem.
Try saying: I wasn’t involved in the project.

Instead of: What the fuck?
Try saying: That’s interesting.

Instead of: This shit won’t work.
Try saying: I’m not sure this can be implemented.

Instead of: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner?
Try saying: I’ll try to schedule that.

Instead of: He’s got his head up his ass.
Try saying: He’s not familiar with the issues.

Instead of: Eat shit and die.
Try saying: Excuse me, sir?

Instead of: Kiss my ass.
Try saying: So you weren’t happy with it?

Instead of: Fuck it, I’m on salary.
Try saying: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.

Instead of: Shove it up your ass.
Try saying: I don’t think you understand.

Instead of: This fucking job sucks.
Try saying: I love a challenge.

Instead of: Who the fuck died and made you boss?
Try saying: You want me to take care of that?

Instead of: He’s a prick.
Try saying: He’s somewhat insensitive.

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