Saturday, August 22, 2009

I'd like to share...

A few random thoughts...

  • I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

  • More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when I realize I'm wrong, very wrong. Yeah, it happens...to me...a lot:(

  • When someone says: "I don't need to drink to have fun," all I can think is "No one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when you've got a lighter?"

  • I totally wish I could take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was a kid...I'd probably be a lot less tired now.

  • Why isn't there a sarcasm font?

  • I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.

  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text or put on eyeliner.

  • A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. I mentioned this to my kids..."Duh, Mom; but we don't suck at it, so don't worry."

  • Was learning cursive really necessary? How many people's writing can you actually read? And Adobe has taken care of your signature...

  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

  • How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just start nodding and smiling because you can't understand someone's broken English and pressing 1 doesn't work in everyday conversation...

  • I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a fucktard from cutting in at the front. Left lane ends...you were warned 3 miles back...

  • While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

  • Bad decisions make good stories - especially when they are someone else's bad decisions...

  • You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. It hit a few minutes ago...

  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection for the sixth time...

  • If the tag says "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" it will never get clean...not in my house, anyway.

  • Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

  • It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood, don't ya think?

  • I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

  • Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

  • It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

  • I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Light than Kay.


14 comments:

Scott Free said...

These are winners. ^

Nooter said...

oh boredom and hunger are my favorite times of the day!

and whats bid light?

King of New York Hacks said...

Wow...and that was RANDOM..can't wait for the cerebral ones !LOL

CatLadyLarew said...

I KNEW we were separated at birth! This post is like somebody held up a mirror inside of my brain... although I don't think I would have been stating it all so concisely and cleverly.

Phillipia said...

Hey Nooter, what Bid Light? Thanks for the catch, lol.

Ok, KNYH, ya caught me. Notice I did not say they were all MY random thoughts; try to take a break and repost a funny email and I get caught:) But I did only post the ones that I would actually think.

Yes, Cat Lady, I think we may have been separated at birth; my Mom once hinted that one of me was all she could handle...

Rick Daley said...

These were good. Any excuse to work "fucktard" into a sentence is worth the effort.

WhisperingWriter said...

I love these!

Especially the Mapquest one. I'm always amused when it tells me how to get off my street. It's like, "No kidding. I turn right on BIRCH? Who'd have THUNK it?"

Theresa said...

I want to comment on every single one of those. But who has the time. But I have to say...Excellent post! Kudos. I really had fun reading your list.

mannequin said...

Hey, did you see that there's a Google street view now?

Darling hubbums plotted his route to avoid methadone clinics, whore houses and government buildings. It IS possible to stay on the right side of the law now.
Fare thee well!

Ed Adams said...

Mapquest blows. I can't count how many times I've used it and gotten lost. One time was in the mountains in Kentucky/Virginia at night, and I swear I could hear the music from Deliverance playing in the background during that whole drive. The last line of their directions should read, "You have reached the wrong destination and will now be getting ass-creamed by wild mountainmen". FYI..Rand-McNally is a lot more trustworthy.

Phillipia said...

Rick, fucktard is one of my favorite sentiments; noone seems to use it enough.

WW, When I do use online directions, I pretty much delete half of the steps- I usually just need to have a closer look at the destination area.

Thanks, Theresa.

Mannequin, I still have trouble...too many stupid laws to obey them all:)

Yeah Ed, I gave up on Mapquest the last time I heard the dueling banjos after taking the directed slight left into a dense swamp-like paradise....

Doolbman said...

I just read these like 2 mins ago on another site and then decided to visit your site and found them here LOL They are great

Phillipia said...

Hey Doolbman, thanks for visiting...what can i say...great minds think alike?

Jerry K said...

Excellent list. As for what comes after DVDs, now they want to shove 3-D televisions down our throats. It's bad enough this annoying format is taking over the movies.