Saturday, September 5, 2009

Sorry I was late....

Courtesy Note: If you are just here for the funny, you may want to skip to the last two paragraphs, 'cuz I tend to take a while to get there.

For the rest of you that can handle me going on and on and on, read on.

Last night was not a great night for the Rebels....they just could not get their act together long enough to get past the WildCats of Mayfield.

Not that they did not try their damnedest. There were more positives from the game than negatives...just not enough to pull out a win....

The O-coordinator decided to use more of a passing game plan - which probably seemed best since every punt/kick return from Mayfield went deep in our end zone and we had to go 80 yards every drive to make it to their end-zone....arghhh....

So of course the running backs (G-man and el), continually got the ball only on 3rd down (and long, usually)...and did I mention Mayfield also has a tough defense.

G-man had more receiving yards than rushing yards last night...wait...you are a wide receiver and a tight end now, too??? When did that happen???

Oh well....better things will happen next week, I am sure.

But let's step back a little to before the game...

This has been a crazy week at work and at home. You know about Tuesday and Wednesday.

Thursday I went into work early 'cuz I needed to leave at 3:30 to serve the football dinner. Well, we are STILL releasing projects so after dinner I headed back to the office and worked til 9:30.

Then I went to the local Big Bird grocer to get some wings and a few munchies to have on hand for after Friday's game. Although I was not ready to be the Senior parent host this week, no one else had yet offered, so I thought I should...

So I was up late into Thursday night making wings and doing football laundry....

I toyed with the idea of going in late Friday but remembered there was a meeting I needed to be at at 9:00 am and another at 11:00 and another at 3:00....and of course a game to be at by 7:00 PM which happens to be right across the street from the office.

This should have been ok, had I not offered to host post-game...

So, I left the office after the 11:00 meeting, went home, cleaned up the place (toss in closet kind of clean-up), hit the grocery store for some burgers, dogs, and buns ('cuz G-man and the boyz cannot live on wings alone I was told), back home to toss burgers in the freezer and wings in the crock pot with bbq so they would be ready after the game, and headed back to work...

I intended to work til about 6:30 and then head over to the field, but by 5:30 I was exhausted. So a co-worker and I decided to hit the local Irish pub for a beer or two before going our separate ways for the weekend....

Of course I am wearing my Rebel jersey in Mayfield territory, but hey...I didn't start the fights...

There were a few other rebel parents there to offer some protection, so we moved as one out the door and down the road.

After the game, a few Moms head back to the school to wait for the buses and congratulate/console the boys and maybe feed them cookies to hold them over til they get to the real food. Consoling was not an easy task Friday...in fact it did not go over well at all.
We could hear the boys mumbling through their post-game prayer. I suggested they move it along and save the prayers for next week's pre-game since that would make more sense to me, but they acted like they didn't hear me...

I was actually just wanting them to get out of the locker room so I could hug G-man and then head home to open the house before those who did not go back to the locker could get in...

Of course on nights like these G-man is last out of the locker room - not sure what he does in there, but his knuckles were a lil bruised and I did hear the sounds of some inanimate (if they weren't before they are now) objects being tossed around.

Surprisingly, when I got to the house, there was no one breaking down the doors to get in. Apparently they had been there and got tired of waiting and headed to Croagh Patrick's for a while we're waiting brew or two.

And of course very few players showed because I think they were afraid to look like they were wanting food after a game that went so wrong. G-man was the gracious player host all tho I did get a few why me glares...

But after a couple burgers, a plate of wings, and several Dads (aka bleacher coaches) letting him know that he looked pretty good out there despite everything that went wrong, he felt a lil better.

And that is the point of these post game gatherings...win or lose, have some food, look back, look forward...the team is family...family is there through the good and the bad...

Quite a few parents showed up - some brought a few "people" (aka, stray rebel fans) back with them from Croagh Patrick's - so all in all it was a good late night/early morning gathering...

And now, remembering that this is suppose to be a humor blog, some funny shit did happen last night....

Just about the time people were starting to leave, I realized I had a voice mail.


Hey Phillipia, we're here at your house....your lights are not on, we're knocking, you're not answering...we can smell wings, we are looking at your naked neighbor...where the hell are you? C'mon let us in...quit making us look at your naked neighbor...it is not pretty...we're outta here, sorry we missed ya...yikes...go...go!

Ooops, sorry I was late guys...
Me: Hey...I just got your voicemail...glad you came back.
Them: Yeah, we figured you was at the school...
Me: So who is my naked neighbor? Oh...him...(as they are pointing in
a general direction and gagging)... yeah, prolly not pretty. I have seen him
in his tighty- whiteys smoking on his deck...he seems ok with himself...or maybe
Altheimer's has set in...


And then my attention was suddenly diverted, as a story is unfolding from a Mom who works the phones for a no-named we'll give you quotes from three companies insurance agency...

So, he says...hey, after I started to dial to get a quote, I realized I had to poop...so I am trying to get to the toilet...hold on, I'm unzipping....man, I gotta go, not sure I am gonna make it here....damn....I'm tripping over my pants....hold on...

I'm trying to butt in and ask him if he wants to call back but he is not hearing me at all....just going on and on about trying to get to the bathroom and all I can picture is this guy with his phone in one hand and his pants around his ankles, trying to get his tight-whiteys down before he shits himself...

Ok, I made it to the toilet...we can talk now...oooh...sorry, that feels so good...so about that quote... wait...I forgot to grab a pen and paper....honey, can you bring me a pen and paper....my wife'll be here in a sec...damn where is she?...let me see if I can get up...

Three minutes and 30 seconds later (I set a timer) he says he's sorry but he keeps trying to wipe but he keeps pooping and his wife is not coming with the pen and paper or at all for that matter...

Ok, hold on. I'll use toilet paper...just let me grab something to write with...

That's when I hung up....

3 comments:

CatLadyLarew said...

Sorry to hear about the loss. That's always hard to swallow. But about your neighbor... hope he's at least keeping this tidy whities on these days. And the guy looking for an insurance quote? ROTFL!

Theresa said...

Wow, you're a busy football mom. But I bet the boys just love G-man's mom. But enjoy all the times, even if they are hectic, because I promise you, you will miss every minute when they're gone. I did. Sorry I can't write any more, I gotta go poop.

Phillipia said...

Paula, this morning as I was leaving for work, my neighbor was - as usual - smoking on his porch - fully dressed...but all I could picture was his participle dangling...

Theresa, I hope everything came out ok:)