Monday, June 29, 2009

An Open Letter to Tide...

Dear Tide:

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!

You are a truly awesome product.

I have used you all my mom swore by you, and now I do, too.

In fact, I like you more as I age. Believe it ot not, I am in my fifties (note to self - write to Dove soon).

About a month ago, one of my ass-hole exes dropped by to pick up some of his stuff. While he was here, I happened to spill some of the red wine I was drinking on my new white blouse. He started to insinuate that I may have a drinking problem and suggested I get some help.

Well, one thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse, too! I grabbed a bottle of you (with your bleach alternative) and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well that the nice (hot) detective who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative. A few minutes after the detective left, I got a call from my attorney. He informed me that I was no longer a suspect in the disappearance of my ex.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without having to deal with that shit. My exes are always disappearing. I think this one may be gone for good.

Thank you, once again, for being so awesome at what you do.



Larew said...

Multiple exes? Impressive... no wonder you need the Tide. (I've always used it myself.) I hear it's also good for grass stains, which sometime occur when one is dragging Hefty SteelSak trash bags across the lawn after the exes have been visiting.

Phillipia said...

Hey one takes off - another shows up....I attract 'em:)