Saturday, April 23, 2011

Just because I do not call....

Damn it has been a trying week....


But now the trial has ended....


And the verdict is in....


My brothers have disowned me...


Again....


Yes, again....


My brothers have chosen to not talk to each other and/or me and/or my parents for long stretches so many times over the years that I have lost track of who they were talking to when....


I am not quite sure how it started this time....


But apparently I started it....


A little background....


Brother1 and I have never been really close ...


Brother2 and I shared a close bond for a couple years during college....


Our parents were very strict catholic parents....


And to hear my brothers talk, we were abused so bad  - not physically, but emotionally - that they had to move away and disown family to get past it....


And I am still not past it...


According to them.....


Because I have not moved away...


Or disowned my parents....


Or both....


I have my head in the sand....


According to them....


And that is why my life is a wreck....


According to them...



Brother2 has been on a "let's get back together and act like family (but without the parents 'cuz they are the reason we are estranged) kick" for the past couple of years...

I have not been playing along the way he would like...


So back to exactly what I did this time....


Brother1 had a health scare last year and shared that info with Brother2....


Brother1 asked Brother2 to not share this info with me....his right....


Except Brother2 did share with me and told me not to tell my parents....


As a Mom, that was really hard for me....


Everytime I talked to my Mom over the next few weeks, I hurt for her....


When Brother1 decided to tell me what he was going through (via email) I emailed back that I was sorry he was going through this and I was praying for him....


And I then told my Mom because he did not say not to....


And when I told him I told Mom he made it clear he did not want to hear from her....


Like I control what she does.... 


But I did keep her posted how he was doing...because she asked...


And when she asked if I thought it would be ok for her to call, I told her she might want to wait for him to tell her....  


Because I kept in touch with Brother1 and his wife via email and asked how tests and treatment were going and let him know I was praying for him. (BTW, he came through with a clean bill of health and his active life was back to normal within a few months)....


I could have called....


But my cell phone service from home sucks...as you know if you follow me....


And I no longer have a landline...


Which is fine by me....because I would much rather email and facebook chat ...


I really rarely call anyone....


Even my Mom...email and chat is good enough for her...


And phone conversations with my brothers are always stressful....


Because I never know when they will start whining about/bashing our past and our parents and my relationship with my parents...


And because it is rude to hang up on them but I can choose not to read parts of emails that bash me or my parents....


Anyway, over the next few months, I noticed that Brother2 was contacting me less than usual...


And then recently I realized Brother2's wife was no longer my friend on FB (Brothers are not on FB)....


She was still on FB, I did check that...


So I replied to one of her forwarded chain emails with some chit chat and also that I noticed that we were no longer FB friends ....I told her I was not sure if she defriended me or if I accidentally defriended her....if I did I did not mean to, but I would leave it up to her to friend request....


She answered my other chit-chat, but made no mention of FB and did not send a new friend request...


So, yeah, I figured something was up....


And I asked myself how much I cared...


Again, I have enough stress in my life...


In fact, I was in the ER with G-Man till 3:30 AM Tuesday morning...


Because he hurt his back again...


So I was realllly tired and cranky when I got to work Tuesday morning...


And my first missed email was from Brother2...


Getting stuff off his chest....


Telling me how he lost respect for me because I did not call my brother last summer...


And he knows it is because Mom said I shouldn't and he is hurt that I keep letting her come between us....


Uh, NEWSFLASH.....


I quit doing what my parents said about the time I moved out of their house 20 some years ago...


But for some reason, my brothers refuse to believe that....


Every time I react to something in a way they think is not right, they insist that it is my parents' doing.


And because I will not admit that....


They think it is their duty to beat it into me (with words) how Mom ruined our lives growing up and how I continue to let her ruin my life (which is a wreck, as you know)....


I love my brothers, but my life has enough stress in it....


And I choose not to blame my past or my  parents or even  my ex for my shortcomings....


Or rehash where it all went wrong over and over and over again.....


I choose to have a civil relationship with my parents....


Because they are my parents and I do love them...


Even tho I do not agree with everything they do....


I choose to believe that my parents were doing what they thought was right when they were raising us...


It is not like we were beaten daily or locked in closets or ....


And I chose not to believe my mom is some evil person with evil intent in everything she does....


No matter how hard my brothers try to convince me otherwise...


WTF....


Just let it go is all I ask....


Brothers, you do not have to talk to your parents....your choice...


I do not try to change that....


I choose to talk them....my choice...


If we cannot drop this line of conversation and find other things to talk about, I guess then we are done....


Because I choose not to rehash and not to be bashed via phone or email....


My choice...


Well for Brother2 anyway...


Brother1 made it clear this week that he did not want to hear from me again and will be relegating any future emails from me to the trash...


Ok.....


And Brother2 says he will not initiate contact with me again..


But...


When I choose to realize what is wrong with my life and want to talk with him I can do so...


By phone...


Not email...


Because it is obvious I share everything with Mom...


OK.....


Well, we all know how much I love to make phone calls....

2 comments:

Surly Scott said...

Wow. I thought my relationship with my sibs sucked, but you have me beat. Hope G-Man is okay.

Phillipia said...

Thanks, Scott. G-Man will be fine...if he takes it easy for a few weeks. Have a good holiday weekend!