Amore....

So it's Valentine's weekend...

And I am single...

Again...

Still...

Whatever...

When I get feeling the least bit down about being alone...

I just think of my last few attempts at not being alone...

Enough said....

But this time of year always brings to mind one of my favorite plays on one of my favorite lines...

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand and that's not what you planned
That's a moray.

When our habits are strange and our customs deranged
That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw and the bales total four
That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife, she gets stabbed with a knife
That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight used a sword in a fight
That's Sa...mur...ai.

Enough already...

The name is Phillipia - as in Sr. Mary...

Not Phil or Phillip or Melvin (wonder where that came from)....

Do I look like a guy?

Do I look like I have a penis?

Do I look like I want to spend money enlarging some guy's penis?

If you answered NO to all of the above...and you damn well better had...

STOP sending me advertisements for Cialis and Viagara and any other penis enhancing secrets...

Or wait, maybe I should order some to slip into the drink of....

Hmmm, how does that shit work anyway????

Not comfortable????

So at the last RM meeting of the year tonite, one of the Moms made a suggestion for next year's welcome meeting.

The welcome meeting is usually in August and incoming Freshman Moms are invited to come and see what RMs are all about...

I remember my first RM meeting three years ago...

Phillipia: So where are all the dads?
RM: Dads go to Boosters
Phillipia: I thought Boosters was Athletic Boosters....
RM: Yeah....
Phillipia: So what about the Dads whose kids are not athletic?
RM: Welcome to RMs. Let's get on with the meeting...(that's RM code for"This is how its done - we are not changing anything - shut up bitch.")
Phillipia: OK then...but this is war...I want dads here...

But I digress...

So this cool RM thought it would be a good idea if our welcome meeting was a little more welcoming...

CRM: I think we should have it at someone's house - more like a bbq or picnic ...
RM:Are you offering your house?
CRM: Well, yeah, I was...
RM: That will never work. (That's RM code for "She actually said yes; shit I thought that suggesting her house would end it.")
CRM:But I have a tiki bar...
RM:Freshman Moms feel uncomfortable going to someone's house they do not know. We will just have it here same as always.

I am sitting there not able to control myself...

Phillipia: You have a tiki bar? I vote for her house! Count me in. But I think we better check it out first...several times. I think the Moms will feel comfortable if we make sure the bar works good.
RM: We'll think about it, but not this year...

Say what??? What incoming freshman Mom would not feel comfortable having a welcoming drink to better be able to deal with the RM "this is the things the way they always were...so we are not changing..." attitude???

It sure would have helped me:)

There are some gentlemen out there...

I knew if I kept at it long enough, I would eventually meet a gentleman in the world of online dating...

Yeah, Bad American, I am talking about you...

You are sweet and kind and sensitive and a true gentleman...

I enjoy our chats, online and in person...

I like that you spend time with your kids...and try to do what is best for them...

I appreciate your honesty and caring about what I am looking for...

Though I may not enjoy talking politics and religion as much as you do....

Though I may not be as good a housekeeper as you need:)

I hope that we will stay friends for a long time...

Bad American, you are one of the good guys....

And I wish the best for you...

I hope that you find that someone special that you just know you cannot live without...

... because she completes you...

Thank you for restoring my hope that there are some true gentlemen and all-around good, honest guys out there....

You are the sweetest Bad American I have yet to meet:)

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for your friendship...

For all our guys who have trouble understanding us...

When we say:----->We Mean:

We need----->I want

It's your decision----->The correct decision should be
                                       obvious by now

Do what you want----->You'll pay for this later 

We need to talk----->I need to complain 

Sure...go ahead----->I don't want you to.

I'm not upset----->Of course I'm upset, you moron. 

You're...so manly----->You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight.----->Is sex all
                                                                     you ever think about?

I'm not emotional!  And I'm not overreacting!----->I have PMS.

Be romantic, turn out the lights.----->I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient.----->I want a new house.

I want new curtains----->and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper...

Hang the picture there----->No, I mean hang it there! 

I heard a noise----->I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?----->I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?----->I did something today you're 
                                                         really not going to like...

I'll be ready in a minute.----->Kick off your shoes and find a
                                                   good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat----->Tell me I'm beautiful.
                   
You have to learn to communicate.----->Just agree with me. 

Are you listening to me!?----->[Too late, your dead.] 

Yes----->No

No----->No 

Maybe----->No

I'm sorry.----->You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe?----->It's easy to fix, so you'd better
                                                get get used to it.

I'm not yelling!----->Yes I am yelling because I think this
                                   is important.
  
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
  
The same old thing.----->Nothing. 

Nothing.----->Everything.

Everything.----->My PMS is acting up.

Nothing, really.----->It's just that you're such a jerk.

I don't want to talk about it.----->Go away, I'm stil building up
                                                           evidence against you.