Putting my Physics BS to Work ...

I have finally decided that it is time to do something useful with my degree...

As all physics majors know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade.

Translated into layman terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (which most likely consists of a lot of water), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat.

For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg. F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories (per the law of physics stated above).

The average dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, making use of the law of thermodynamics (as taught to me by an overzealous, Italian, chauvinistic, Jesuit school prof) 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalized.

Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories.

Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat,the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal. This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist (any localization coordinator can do it) to calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.

Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature.

The results here are truly remarkable, and it beats running or swimming (but not sexercize) hands down.

Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect. However, as the astute reader has already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.

Now I understand why my Dad insisted that I get a good education from a Jesuit college. He knew I would need to someday understand the importance of adhering religiously to a pizza, beer, and ice cream diet if I were to keep my girlish figure (or get it back, since I chose to forget this bit of knowledge until recently).

So beer (honestly), pizza (with anchovies), and lots of ice cream (chocolate, of course) at Phillipia's every weekend. And margaritas in between....its medicinal.