Thursday, May 28, 2009

Guilty!!!!

...til proven innocent...that's my my new motto!

My very very strict Catholic up bringing taught me to believe everything anyone told me...
If there is any tongue in that kiss you are going straight to hell, young lady! (Can I have tongue in hell?)
Yeah, I've heard it all....
  • Honey, I want to try again...just let's not tell anyone, ok? ooookaaay - it will be our little secret that you are screwing me and my best friend and her mother...
  • How about I live in the basement so I can be here when you need me. Sure hon...that way you can get what you need from whore bitch next door in our house so she can get away from her uptight husband and ...geez, do I look that much like a fucktard...don't answer that.
  • She left me...with all the bills. But you like Bill...
  • I'm not married..technically. Say what????
  • I want to come see you but I lost my plane ticket. Flap your arms...
  • I'm on the next bus. ...to god knows where.
  • If only I wasn't stuck in customs...I would be there with you...Customize this, asshole!
  • I feel something special between us...Keep it to yourself, buddy!
  • I didn't write cuz I didn't know what to say. "Hello" would have been good for starters...
  • It wasn't my fault...I swear to God...and on my mother's grave...You're right...it's all my fault...for being so difficult...I'm soooo sorry...
  • I found myself at the bottom of a river but managed to get the cement shoes off ...Damn, good help is sooo hard to find...
  • I will never ask you for money, ever! ...unless you really really really need it
  • I will never hurt you, ever! That didn't hurt - much...I can grow a new heart.
  • Expect something from me next week. Dear John, ...
  • I'm on a mission from God...okay, I haven't quite heard that one yet, but any day now..

But Phillipia is turning over a new habit...

From this day forward, every guy I meet will automatically be classified as "jerk" until proven otherwise....proven not promised...

Yeah... it has only taken me 35 years to come to this realization. For the first 16 years of my life, the nuns kept the boys away from me. In their convent closet, but away...

Where are the nuns when I need them????

Hold on, I'll be right back - I just need to grab something from my closet...

4 comments:

Flubtastic Doofalo said...

Hey, those lines weren't ALL bad. Some of them might work some of the time, maybe.

Are you going to have another post with lines that are acceptable? I need some new ones.

DouglasDyer said...

If you're going to get your guys from inside a closet, you're just setting yourself up for more lies.

Winky Twinky said...

Hmmmmm... Why do I get the idea that you aren't happy with someone? LMAO @ Doug's comment..

Phillipia said...

You are right, Flubtastic, the lines are not all bad...when they are sincere!!!

But, Doug, the closet is so close:)

I am not happy with someone right now; trust is gone:(