Thursday, August 14, 2008

Words of Advice....

Dear Phillipia,
I keep getting caught staring at other girls. I don't mean to do it, it just happens. And I know this upsets my girlfriend. What's a guy to do? - Helpless in Peterville

Dear Helpless,
Nothing "just happens." There was once a guy who accidentally stared at the sun so long he went blind. He said it "just happened." No it didn’t. He was a moron. Some people shoot their neighbor’s barking dog and say, "Your Honor, I’m so sorry, it just happened!" No! You loaded the gun, went carzy, and pulled the trigger screaming, "Die scumbag die!"So checking out the finer parts on other girls doesn’t "just happen." It is however, part of being a guy. As a guy, you MUST look at every woman. No matter how homely, no matter how young or old. And as you take a look, you make an instantaneous assessment. "No way!", "if she was just a little older", "hmm, get her on an exercise bike and give me a 6-pack", "only in the dark", and "hell yeah!"As a man, it is your nature, you do it instinctively.

But this does NOT EXCUSE your behavior. You must learn to control yourself. When you are with a girl, you must not attempt to discreetly cop a feel of every pair of fine female butt-muffins in view. You MUST at least TRY to give your girl enough respect that you don’t glare at another girl’s melons in her presence! It is a difficult task but not impossible.

Here are some suggestions….
Whenever a hot girl walks by, quickly think about something else, like "Why does my boss consistently pick at and eat his beard in public?”

Or just as two bouncy bubbles bounce by in a blue sweater, force yourself to sneeze – but not on her or her bubbles…

Or as a girl with legs up to her neck in a skirt barely past her luscious buns walks past, think…”Who is Lorena Bobbit?”

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