Wednesday, January 28, 2009

What I have learned about myself this week...

With every guy I meet...
whether we develop a friendship that lasts years...
a more intimate relationship that lasts from one night to several years...

I learn something about me...
about what I want...
and what I do not want...

I want to be with a guy who feels comfortable with me the way I am yet encourages me to grow (not physically, of course)...
Yet, I do not like it when he tries to fix a problem I do not remember asking him to fix and then gets upset because it is not fixed the way he thinks it should be...I have survived to this point on my own...ok, maybe not very well, but still...

I want to be with a guy who likes my kids enough to want to spend time with them and that I can talk over day-to-day issues with...
Yet, I do not like it when he tells me what I am doing wrong with my teen in front of my teen giving said teen the opening for "why can't you be more like him?" when we have our next argument...I think I have done ok so far as a parent...the kid is still alive ...

I used to think that I did not want to date because of the kids, but maybe it is me...I have been spoiled being single and maybe I like it like that...maybe I am just not ready to change my ways to make someone else ok with me...

And I know I get attached too easily and I know I do not want to be alone forever...

But I also know I tend to back off or screw things up (maybe subconsciously on purpose) if things start going too smoothly...

So maybe I have not learned anything except that I do not know what the hell I want....

And that blogging is a good way to talk things over with myself instead of fighting with someone else...

Breathe...

1 comment:

Dawn said...

Yet another parallel between you and I...I had a similar experience this week myself..without teens being involved, of course...but, I know exactly what you're saying...