The 8-step program...

I have been pretty busy lately and have not made it to Bally's for a few days.

I mentioned this to one of my older friends.

She responded by sending me the 8-step exercise program she has been working on since she turned 50 a couple months ago...

1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides.
3. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
4. Each day hold this position for just a bit longer.
5. After two weeks, use 10-lb potato bags.
6. After two more weeks try 50-lb potato bags.
7. By 6 weeks you should be able to lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
8. After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.

Remembering a good man...

Art Reeves, you were a good man...

Of all my ex-in-laws, you were my favorite.

You did not judge, but had a strong sense of right and wrong.

You had a good heart, a great sense of humor, and an awesome love for life.

You could party with the best of them:)

Which is why LDBoy went ahead with plans to take G-man out on his 18th birthday even tho it was the day after you passed and the day before your wake.

"Grandpa Art would have wanted us to do this; let's not disappoint him."

From what I heard, the boys made you proud.

And yes, I will make sure G-man gets to enough classes and practices this week so he can play Friday night, because you would have wanted that, too. (Even tho in the last few months you had him confused with someone name Greg who runs touchdowns for THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY...)

I will never forget all you did for us as a young couple with young children. You helped us in so many ways. The kids always loved the times they spent with you.

And you have been there for them as they have grown.

I have never seen G-man cry so hard as he did when I had to tell him the sad news of your passing.

This week, so many fond memories of times past have been going through my mind, bringing smiles and tears...

I will share just one of my many favorite stories...

...Late one night you came in after the Akron PD had wanted to arrest you and your prank-playing friends for trespassing on the local golf course, but apparently you had decided not to renew your license EVER and so the BMV had just finally assumed you had passed away (quite a few years back).... as you retold the story, when the police dispatch told the would-be arresting officers that they were looking at a dead man - well, the whites of their eyes were all you could see that late at night and they let you and your friends go on your way....

Thank you, Art, for all you gave...to everyone who came into your life...

May you rest in peace.

Happy Birthday, G-Man...

Wow...My baby is 18 today. I should be happy but I am kind of sad.

I love being a Mom.

G-man, you make being a Mom fun....

Well except for the first few years when you were a living terror and we wondered who spawned you or if I took the wrong baby home...

You could cause some damage with a whiffle bat - and putting beads up your nose - what was that about?

But that is behind you (and us) now - thank the Lord.

You went from holy terror to holy shit that kid can play ball - any kind of ball. Three sports at a time, running me ragged trying to keep up with you.

You matured (physically) faster than any kid I know. I learned to keep your birth certificate close at hand to prove that you could not drive yourself to the game no matter what the opposing coach implied..

And that 16-yr old lifeguard we caught you with when you were 12 - geez! What were you thinking? Don't answer that...

Look at you now...

The last four years it has been just you and me (and all your friends) at home and I think we make a good team. We look out for each other...(BTW, thanks for caring enough to give every guy I go out with the third degree, but you can ease up a bit, ok? I know I find the biggest assholes, but still...)

I am happy for you for all you have accomplished and proud of who you are.

It is going to be a bittersweet year for me...

For you, I hope this year is full of health, happiness, fond farewells, and exciting new opportunities.

I love you G-Man.

Mud Bowl II

Week 6 of High School Football in Northeast Ohio...

It had been raining all week...

But by Friday afternoon the sun was shining and the sky was blue.

I checked the weather for Madison -the evening will be cloudy with a 10% chance of rain.

Cool - no need for an umbrella or poncho -good thing, too, cuz I just realized they are all in G-Man's car. (I knew I forgot to do something in the morning.)

The ride to Madison was uneventful...well except for that scary looking dude I ran into at the Sheetz who was looking at me kind of ...well, just scary.

At the field, as I got out of the car to walk to the stands it started to drizzle...no big deal - a few drops here and there.

Well, I think the forcaster missed a zero when he predicited that 10% chance of rain, cuz by the time I got to my seat, I was drenched. Three times.

Thanks for pushing that poncho in my direction Coach Meghan!

The players let up a whoop like they were happy for the rain. What the heck? Do they like rolling around in the mud?

It rained pretty steady the whole game with a few spotty torrential downpours.

I think G-Man had a passing TD and a rushing TD - at least the announcer said it was him, I couldn't tell; they all look alike caked in mud; he's usually the white running back, but not this game.

It took me a couple hours to get warm and dry once we got back home.

It took G-Man a couple of showers to get the mud off of him...it was still in the tub, tho. Thanks, bud.

Shuffle this...

I was tagged to do this on Facebook and figured I'd join in the fun:)

(1) Turn on your MP3 - or in my case my playlist on Windows Media Player.

(2) Go to SHUFFLE songs mode.

(3) Write down the first 15 songs that come up--song title and artist--NO editing/cheating -- no matter how many Barry Manilow songs play...

(4) Choose a group of people to be send this on to. I am just sharing with all my readers...And hoping some of you will try this and leave your list in my comments section or posted on your blog....

Here are my songs...
1. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
2. Holly Holy - Neil Diamond
3. I will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
4. It Just Won't Quit - Meat Loaf
5. Stuck With You - Huey Lewis
6. Still the Same - Bob Seger
7. Baby Hold On - Eddie Money
8. Shelter Me - Joe Cocker
9. Cracklin' Rosie - Neil Diamond
10. My Generation - The Who
11. And When I Die - Blood, Sweat, & Tears
12. Night Moves - Bob Seger
13. Love Me Two Times - The Doors
14. Centerfold - J. Geils Band
15. Right Now - Van Halen

What happened to Bruce, the Boss, he is all over my playlist....really...gotta fix that shuffle.

Taylor Swift...

Tonight G-Man has a date...

His girlfriend has tickets to see Taylor Swift.

He is pretty excited about it.

LDBoy did not understand his excitement.

LDBoy: You're prolly going to be one of the only guys there!
G-Man: Your point?
LDBoy: Ahh...

That's not why....

I have heard from some reliable sources that one of the side effects of a fabulous sex life is writer's block.

I do not have writer's block! I do not have a fabulous sex life either, but I will try to keep this family friendly...

I have not been a steady blogger the last couple of weeks because I have been working a lot of hours at my day job which has seemed to turn into a 12-hour a day job.

If I was a fabulous blogger, I could probably give up my day job...but I'm not...

But thank you Theresa from An Officer and a Garbage Can - now that's a fabulous blog - for giving me your vote of confidence.

You simply must visit Theresa's blog. We have so much in common. Everyone on her favorite author list is a fav of mine. She loves football; I love football. I could go on, but I think you should go discover her for yourself. But before you leave, check out this award she handed me...

As we all know, there is no such thing as a free award - ya gotta work for it. For this fabulous award, I must reveal 5 of my obsessions and then share with you 5 of my favorite bloggers - in that order I assume. Because if I shared my favorite bloggers first you might leave without reading my obsessions - which might not be a bad thing:)

5 of my obsessions (excluding the X-rated ones):

• My 3 kids - They are the sunshine of my life. They are each unique and fabulous in their own way. I would do anything for them - almost. I do not lie, cheat, or steal very well, but they know that and do not bother to ask anymore.

• Reading - I love a book over anything on tv - anytime. And when I find an author I think I might like, I start with their first book and read them in order. I will read two or three or more books a week when I get on a roll. And when I find a blogger I like, I try to go to the beginning of their blog and read it forward.

• Honesty/Fidelity - I cannot lie; I cannot fib. But I am so gullible; I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until I figure out that I shouldn't. Once I find out someone is lying to me, it takes a lot to get me trusting them again. And I DO NOT like cheaters. And not just those who cheat on me....:)

• Chocolate - chocolate anything...enough said, before I start scrounging through the cupboards and fridge looking for some.

• Pull through parking spots - I have to put this here because my kids laugh at me for this. I will drive around a parking lot looking for a pull through spot so I do not have to back out when I am ready to leave. Because if I have to back out, I will most likely be between two oversized vehicles that I cannot see around and will have to inch my way out the between the horn blowing, one-finger saluting cross traffic.....

Now for some of my favorite bloggers... Did I mention that Theresa and I have 4 out of 5 of the same favorite bloggers. But relisting them here would probably be cheating and you all know Phillipia does not like cheaters....

• I'm Just Saying.... I miss you, Winky Twinky. Consider this award your "get out of bed and blog" call:)
• Nanny Goats in Panties
• How to Become a Cat Lady...Without the Cats.
• Dr. Grumpy in the House
• Flubtastic Doofalo....I need my daily fix, so keep that internet connection.

Now I gotta get back to work...

Tenjooberrymuds

My boss sent this email to the localization team the other day...

She also sends us the best homemade baked goods in the world, but I digress...

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS". With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.

Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old USA today...

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: "Rye. Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: "... What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so.."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!... Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine... Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter.. just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea...meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds"

Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' "... and you do, don't you?

And you thought you didn’t speak a foreign language!!

You've got mail...

I must admit, I do not go to the mail box too often.

I pay all of my bills online...in fact, I do most everything online.

I headed toward the mailbox at least three times last week - but before I got there I got caught up in something else.

Now, I do ask G-Man to get the mail once in awhile, but unless he is waiting for a package, my request falls on deaf ears.

But yesterday, on the way out to dinner...

Let's stop and get the mail on the way out, Mom.

Okay...are you waiting for something?

Well, sort of -you think that stuff I asked you to order over the weekend is here?

It's worth a check...(not - I did not order till this morning, but he does not need to know that).

----

You got a package, Mom. Did you order something?

Just open it...I want to see (I am driving).


It is a cool pen ....with a cow on it...why would someone send you a pen - there's two of them.



Because I asked for it...and they are the coolest pens in the world...And it is not a cow...it is a goat.

Geez...all those hours of See 'n Say and you cannot tell the difference between a goat and a cow...

I forgot my glasses...

Just give me my pens...they're awesome.

Wait...Nanny Goats in Panties? Where are the panties?

On the goat..where do you think???

What???

Don't worry about it...

Thanks for the pens, Margaret. I will show them off proudly...

And if you get a lot of extra traffic from the Willoughby area in the next few days...

It is could be that my friends like your pens, or...

...some teenage football players are looking for panties...

It was a Bally's night...

Yay...I have not been to Bally's in forever...

During the summer, I decided it was much easier to go to the complex pool, get some Vitamin D, some color, and some exercise all at the same time. One stop shopping...

And since the pool closed a couple weeks ago...well, ya know, it was one thing after another.

It is amazing how much muscle weight I have gained since my last visit to Bally's.

It must all be in my fingers...from all those extra hours I have been putting in at work, typing away, loading info into the database...

Monday was a good day.

I took the day off work and went shopping with CareBear.- she bought, I watched. I did good not spending a cent that I did not have...

In the early evening, LDBoy and G-Man joined us and I was treated to one of my favorite dinners at Texas Roadhouse. Sirloin tips over mashed potatos and gravy with mushrooms - oh yeah.

And I finally got smart and learned to order my tips rare so that by the time they get to me they are medium rare:)

Then CareBear and LDBoy and I headed downtown to watch Dinosaurus Rex at Pat's in the Flats.

I figured the place may not be crowded since it was a Monday night. And I was absolutely right...in fact LDBoy was the only paying customer the whole time we were there.

I guess CareBear and I could have bought our own drinks and tripled the amount of customers, but LDBoy offered, and who are we to not let a guy buy us drinks?

We did not have a hard time deciding what to drink either...since Pat does not keep fruit (lemons and limes are not exceptions) or fruit juice (except cranberry, because its medicinal), or fruit flavored spirits.

So shots of Jose Cuervo it was ....chased with a vodka and cranberry.

A few of those and the place was looking pretty inviting.

A few more and I had to use the ladies room.

Not so inviting...even after a few...

But when ya gotta go, you do; so I did.

What, no soap???? Just mustard? I kid you not, there was a mustard dispenser sitting on the sink where the soap should have been.

I am not that brave....

I heard....I really did not check on this myself...that there was a ketchup dispenser in the men's room.

Wonder where the mayo dispenser was...

Doing Laundry...over.

Thanks, G-man and company...

Yesterday I had a zillion things to do.

Really, I counted...

I decided I could do three things at once: laundry, update the rebel web, sort through some work emails....

So I head to the basement with my work laptop, my home laptop, and three bags of laundry...

Woah...looks like there was a party happening here...

I know G-man had some of the guys over because it was a no football weekend...but how many guys does it take to leave this kind of mess?????

Red plastic cups everywhere...No way was there that much pop in the fridge...

Ping pong balls??? We do not have a ping pong table...

Crushed pretzel bits...jeez...did they think they were grapes???

Playing cards all over the place...like a game of 204 card pickup gone wrong....

Video games and controllers everywhere...

No boys to help pickup tho....

Oh well, add another thing to my todo list....

So I throw in a load of laundry, take a look at all the clean laundry sitting there waiting to get put away (add to list), and boot up my computers.

As I am praying that I can get online (so I can cross 'call cable guy back" off my list) I hear the washer go into it spin cycle followed by the sound of water spraying all over the place....

Yeah, all over the floor, all over the clean laundry, all over everything....

Why the hell would anyone unclamp the washer hose from the tub???

OMG, just add a few more things to my todo list...

Just F'in look it up...

This morning I finally made it to BMV to renew my registration.

I had planned to take care of this online but G-Man's and CareBear's cars - registered to me for insurance rate purposes - needed an E-check this year.

CareBear was very cooperative, being female and all. She took care of hers a month ago - in plenty of time for me to renew online.

G-Man however.....well, he had a brake light out for well over a month now.

I have been bugging him for weeks to get it taken care of.

Last weekend I finally withheld some important news until he had the light fixed...

Brake light working???? Ok, then, here's the mail you been waiting for...

That left a week for him to get the E-Check done...

No time Monday...
Too Busy Tuesday...
Working out Wednesday...
Gotta focus on the game Thursday....
Friday....I'll do it tomorrow...

Only if you are going to be there at 8:00 AM when they open...

But I ....

You do not have football....

It's the only day I can sleep in...

Then I guess you better get there now....

So...here I am at the BMV office...noone in line, this could be quick...

Ma'm it says here these two cars need e-checked.

I had it done.

Where's your paperwork.

Shit...I left it home...

You need your paperwork.

Can't you look it up - see if it shows up on line?

No...you need to go get your paperwork.

No way...that's going to be a problem. I mean, I can get it for G-man's car - it is sitting on my desk... but CareBear had hers e-checked over a month ago in another town. And she is out of town and I do not have her paperwork...

Sorry, I need....

Try to look it up...

It won't show ...

Just try....(before I feel the need to get loud)

Ok (deep sigh)...it says here you are all set. That will be $163.40.

Wow....how much of that goes toward your salary?

I opened a bottle of your wine....

As my son and his friends were retelling this story, I was reminded of Flubtastic Doofalo's OJ Post...


LDBoy and his business partners decided to share a few of cases of Mon Avie.

Obviously they are trying to clean out their systems....we'll just leave that there. But I am told a mere shot (aka 1.5 oz) per day keeps them embarrassingly flatulent for the day...

One of the partners makes his home in NC; the other partners are Ohio based. So they had the shipment sent to the Ohio office, split it up, and forwarded NC man his share.

In the meantime, NC man has left his NC home-office for an exrtended visit to Ohio. He asked a friend to house-sit because he was expecting some deliveries...

NC man answered his phone while at dinner a couple days into his Ohio visit...

NC Man: Hello
House-sitter: Hey, man. WTF kind of wine did you order. I had a couple of glasses and have been on the shitter ever since.
NC Man: It's not wine.
House-sitter: No kidding.
NC Man: Why did you open my stuff?
House-sitter: I had my girlfriend over and we felt like some wine...aw shit...gotta go...coming through....

They sound so much alike...

So as I was packing up to leave the office last Friday, my desk phone rings....

Hello, this is Phillipia.

Hey Mom, you still going to the game?

Yeah...why wouln't I???

Can you take me?

What???

Can I ride with you??

Why???

Why not???

Ummm...why aren't you riding on the bus with the team???

Mom, this is your other son...

Ooops....

The Cable Guy

My internet/cable/phone has not worked real well since I switched providers a few months ago...

I switched because customer support was terrible with the previous provider...

Customer service does not seem much better with this provider...

One of my irritating expectations of service providers is that I should not have to find out how good their customer service is....

I am paying for a service....just fucking do it right. Keep the lines clear and fast and secure...

Do not make me have to call your customer support line in India and talk to someone I cannot understand.....I did press 1 for English...

Do not make me have to be home for a 4 hour block of time....and then not show up...and then want to reschedule for tomorrow night! Yeah, I have been overdoing it lately, but I still do not want to be forced to sit at home without internet or tv ...I have things to do...places to be...

Do not call my house phone which is a digital line that you talked me into but is now not working except as an excuse for your field service guy to say he called but did not get an answer and so assumed noone was home......duh....

Do not have your FSE call my cell phone from an unavailable number and not leave a message or a call-back number and then assume I am not home. I am human with human needs. Sometimes I am indisposed for a couple of minutes taking care of those human needs and cannot get to the phone before it stops ringing...

I'll be here again tomorrow...waiting...maybe piggybacking on some unsuspecting neighbor's unsecure line...catching the signal when I can...

Do not make me have to ask for reimbursement for down time...sure I'll take that credit...but I'd much rather have a signal...

Sorry I was late....

Courtesy Note: If you are just here for the funny, you may want to skip to the last two paragraphs, 'cuz I tend to take a while to get there.

For the rest of you that can handle me going on and on and on, read on.

Last night was not a great night for the Rebels....they just could not get their act together long enough to get past the WildCats of Mayfield.

Not that they did not try their damnedest. There were more positives from the game than negatives...just not enough to pull out a win....

The O-coordinator decided to use more of a passing game plan - which probably seemed best since every punt/kick return from Mayfield went deep in our end zone and we had to go 80 yards every drive to make it to their end-zone....arghhh....

So of course the running backs (G-man and el), continually got the ball only on 3rd down (and long, usually)...and did I mention Mayfield also has a tough defense.

G-man had more receiving yards than rushing yards last night...wait...you are a wide receiver and a tight end now, too??? When did that happen???

Oh well....better things will happen next week, I am sure.

But let's step back a little to before the game...

This has been a crazy week at work and at home. You know about Tuesday and Wednesday.

Thursday I went into work early 'cuz I needed to leave at 3:30 to serve the football dinner. Well, we are STILL releasing projects so after dinner I headed back to the office and worked til 9:30.

Then I went to the local Big Bird grocer to get some wings and a few munchies to have on hand for after Friday's game. Although I was not ready to be the Senior parent host this week, no one else had yet offered, so I thought I should...

So I was up late into Thursday night making wings and doing football laundry....

I toyed with the idea of going in late Friday but remembered there was a meeting I needed to be at at 9:00 am and another at 11:00 and another at 3:00....and of course a game to be at by 7:00 PM which happens to be right across the street from the office.

This should have been ok, had I not offered to host post-game...

So, I left the office after the 11:00 meeting, went home, cleaned up the place (toss in closet kind of clean-up), hit the grocery store for some burgers, dogs, and buns ('cuz G-man and the boyz cannot live on wings alone I was told), back home to toss burgers in the freezer and wings in the crock pot with bbq so they would be ready after the game, and headed back to work...

I intended to work til about 6:30 and then head over to the field, but by 5:30 I was exhausted. So a co-worker and I decided to hit the local Irish pub for a beer or two before going our separate ways for the weekend....

Of course I am wearing my Rebel jersey in Mayfield territory, but hey...I didn't start the fights...

There were a few other rebel parents there to offer some protection, so we moved as one out the door and down the road.

After the game, a few Moms head back to the school to wait for the buses and congratulate/console the boys and maybe feed them cookies to hold them over til they get to the real food. Consoling was not an easy task Friday...in fact it did not go over well at all.
We could hear the boys mumbling through their post-game prayer. I suggested they move it along and save the prayers for next week's pre-game since that would make more sense to me, but they acted like they didn't hear me...

I was actually just wanting them to get out of the locker room so I could hug G-man and then head home to open the house before those who did not go back to the locker could get in...

Of course on nights like these G-man is last out of the locker room - not sure what he does in there, but his knuckles were a lil bruised and I did hear the sounds of some inanimate (if they weren't before they are now) objects being tossed around.

Surprisingly, when I got to the house, there was no one breaking down the doors to get in. Apparently they had been there and got tired of waiting and headed to Croagh Patrick's for a while we're waiting brew or two.

And of course very few players showed because I think they were afraid to look like they were wanting food after a game that went so wrong. G-man was the gracious player host all tho I did get a few why me glares...

But after a couple burgers, a plate of wings, and several Dads (aka bleacher coaches) letting him know that he looked pretty good out there despite everything that went wrong, he felt a lil better.

And that is the point of these post game gatherings...win or lose, have some food, look back, look forward...the team is family...family is there through the good and the bad...

Quite a few parents showed up - some brought a few "people" (aka, stray rebel fans) back with them from Croagh Patrick's - so all in all it was a good late night/early morning gathering...

And now, remembering that this is suppose to be a humor blog, some funny shit did happen last night....

Just about the time people were starting to leave, I realized I had a voice mail.

Hey Phillipia, we're here at your house....your lights are not on, we're knocking, you're not answering...we can smell wings, we are looking at your naked neighbor...where the hell are you? C'mon let us in...quit making us look at your naked neighbor...it is not pretty...we're outta here, sorry we missed ya...yikes...go...go!

Ooops, sorry I was late guys...

Me: Hey...I just got your voicemail...glad you came back.
Them: Yeah, we figured you was at the school...
Me: So who is my naked neighbor? Oh...him...(as they are pointing in
a general direction and gagging)... yeah, prolly not pretty. I have seen him
in his tighty- whiteys smoking on his deck...he seems ok with himself...or maybe
Altheimer's has set in...

And then my attention was suddenly diverted, as a story is unfolding from a Mom who works the phones for a no-named we'll give you quotes from three companies insurance agency...

So, he says...hey, after I started to dial to get a quote, I realized I had to poop...so I am trying to get to the toilet...hold on, I'm unzipping....man, I gotta go, not sure I am gonna make it here....damn....I'm tripping over my pants....hold on...

I'm trying to butt in and ask him if he wants to call back but he is not hearing me at all....just going on and on about trying to get to the bathroom and all I can picture is this guy with his phone in one hand and his pants around his ankles, trying to get his tight-whiteys down before he shits himself...

Ok, I made it to the toilet...we can talk now...oooh...sorry, that feels so good...so about that quote... wait...I forgot to grab a pen and paper....honey, can you bring me a pen and paper....my wife'll be here in a sec...damn where is she?...let me see if I can get up...

Three minutes and 30 seconds later (I set a timer) he says he's sorry but he keeps trying to wipe but he keeps pooping and his wife is not coming with the pen and paper or at all for that matter...

Ok, hold on. I'll use toilet paper...just let me grab something to write with...

That's when I hung up....

Mandatory Drinking...

There was a mandatory meeting for the football parents tonight.

The meeting was mandated by the OHSAA and had an agenda that included us watching an instructional film...

We have known for a couple of weeks that this was happening...we just did not know when...OHSAA took longer than expected to get the film produced and delivered.

Too bad they did not take the whole season...

Rumors were flying about the content. Most of the rumors had the film graphically displaying the dangers of the game....steroid induced heart explosions, neck stingers causing uncontrolled flailing limbs followed by total paralysis; broken necks and backs; femurs protruding everywhere...

The rumors were wrong...mostly...

There was a short clip on heat stroke and a message to athletes, coaches, parents, and fans:

The best prevention is to drink, even when you are not thirsty.

No problem here...

Let's start now...see ya at Croagh Patrick's.

It's a 2-part question...

I just cannot help myself....

I was at the monthly Rebel Mom (no dads allowed) meeting tonight.
I promised myself that I was not going to cause trouble, but my buddy J was not there to hold me back or kick my shins when I started to open my big mouth.

As you may know, I am coordinating the football meal planning. We used the school cafeteria to store our stuff (utensils/cups/plates/gatoraid) during the summer doubles. But once school started we had to move our stuff out of the kitchen.

Last year's football mom (also a rebel mom) used the indoor concession stand (rebel mom property) to store some of the bigger stuff during football season.

Well, I just assumed that this year's football moms (also rebel moms) would be afforded the same courtesy.

So...why can't you just take your stuff home with you every week? Keep it in your car? Okay...you can keep some of your stuff in there - but you cannot have a key...

And what good does that do me??? It;s a 2 part question - can I have a lil space and a key to access the little space????

Uh - well...maybe...but probably not....

Forget it...I will just go to plan B....you'll figure it out eventually...

One of the football moms texted me during the meeting from across the room....

I have to go...call me after the meeting so we can exchange the goods...

Goods as in utensils...she serves meals on Wednesdays and I serve on Thursdays and we cannot use the concession stand to store our stuff so we have to trade things twice a week - or buy two of everything...

So after the meeting I give MealMom#2 a call.

Me:So why'd you have to leave the meeting?
MM#2: I had to; I couldn't stand it anymore...my time limited...and that is a waste of it...come on by, we'll have a drink.

Well, it so happens I had already made plans to get a drink with Treasurer Mom and MM#2 just wanted to stay in for the night, but suggested we visit her brothers' bar as they had just opened their kitchen.

So off to Croagh Patrick's we went and had a wonderful time. A couple of orders of macaroni bites, a couple of Killian's and a couple of shots (complements of MM#2's brother) and I was feeling much better about not having a key to that blasted concession stand.

More promises...

I promised myself not to post football stats and video as filler info on my blog....

But...the Rebels did have a great game Friday night...

Check out the press they got here: http://southrebelfootball.com/news.php

Hear the crowd chanting "Gary Harmon" in the South vs Alliance video...

It is unfortunate (well, not for G-Man or myself) that the video shows only his 2 TDs.

There were two other great offensive TDs and an interception that BWills carried 79 yards for a defensive TD.

It was an awesome night.

And Kudos to the O-line - hope you enjoyed the doughnuts Saturday morning. I knew I was forgetting something this summer - putting money back for doughnuts for Saturday morning films for the O-line - assuming they block good for my baby:)