Just so you know what I am talking about....

As I get older...

My texting may take on a whole new meaning...

But rest assured, I am not there yet....

Really....

• ATD: At The Doctor's
• BFF: Best Friend Fainted
•  BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
•  BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
•  CBM: Covered By Medicare
•  CGU: Can't get up
•  CUATSC: See You At The SeniorCenter
•  DWI: Driving While Incontinent
•  FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers
•  FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
•  FYI: Found Your Insulin
•  GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low!
•  GHA:Got Heartburn Again
•  HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
•  IMHO: Is My Hearing Aid On?
•  LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
•  LOL: Living On Lipitor
•  LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
•  OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
•  OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas
•  ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
•  TTYL: Talk To You Louder
•  WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
•  WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
•  WTP: Where's The Prunes?
• WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
• GGLKI: Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In

Thanks to my friend Sandy for sharing....

Creativity at it's finest....

So it is Halloween weekend...


Again....


I should put together some sort of costume...


Just in case I decide to go to one of several Halloween parties that I have been invited to...


Or better yet, to get a discount at one of the cafes as I go crawling this weekend....


I have pondered several ideas....


Pepe Le Pew (aka the closer, because a lil whiff of Pepe and everyone would leave the party/cafe)..


A repeat of last year's Trailer Trash Mother-in-Law (still have most of that gear)...


Black-eyed Pea (great suggestion from a co-worker)


But I have settled on a twist of my co-worker's suggestion...


Are you ready for it????


Black-eyed Susan....


What could be easier?


I am going out at lunchtime to get a name tag and some eye makeup....


Assuming my clumsy self does not take a fall in the meantime and create my own black eye....


And no, I do not need anyone to punch me, thank you very much, for the real effect- I am ok with using makeup....


I may even wear a yellow hoodie for added effect....


And, the awesome part of this is that if I decide to go out with friends, we can easily all wear name tags and black eye makeup and go as a bouquet (or field) of Black-eyed Susans....


Discounts all around....


Happy Halloween, blogger friends!!!!

Hmmm....

I admit....


Sometimes....


When things at work seem really awful.....


I think about quitting to become a Walmart greeter....

Woman accused of choking Elyria Walmart greeter gets jail

Maybe I will rethink that....

Happy National Coffee Day...

Survey says...


Writers are No. 4 on the list of professionals who need coffee to get through their day...:)

Survey: Scientists, marketing professionals need coffee the most

I did not need a survey to know that... 

Not sure I will ever learn...

I was looking at my blog and realized that a couple of posts did not... post, that is...


Not sure what happened.


But I wrote this post in early July and will post now because it did not post then....


And I will try to post again soon about my further cafe crawling/casino hopping adventures...

I have a couple of vices....One, as you know, is gambling...A couple of weeks ago, when I was attempting to satisy this particular vice, someone knocked me on my butt in the casino parking lot....

Some would have taken that as a sign from above that maybe I should give up this vice...
I did not see it that way...

I am still attempting to recover from that little incident...

I would probably recover quicker if I did not have such an aversion to doctor/hospital visits, but that is a topic for some other post...

Another vice of mine is drinking...As in alcohol...Not that I am an AA candidate...Yet....
 

But I do like a beer or two a couple of times a week...

Or a glass (or bottle) of wine or two a couple of days a week...

Or a shot or two or three or four a couple of times a month or so...

Anyway...

I was in the local Big Bird grocery store the other day and decided to pick up a bottle or two of something that would satisfy this vice...

As I am pushing my cart in that direction, I see another customer coming at me with her cart...

Unfortunately, there was a display shelf of wine between us....

And she was not looking where she was going...

She slammed into the wine display....

Several bottles came flying at me....

Several more bottles crashed on the floor in front of me...

 I jumped out of the eay as best I could...
 

Considering I was still nursing my foot from the previously mentioned encounter with someone else who was operating a vehicle without looking where they were going...

Let me just say that wine bottles do not hurt as bad as automobiles...

I walked away with a couple of minor cuts...

Again, some would have considered that incident as a sign from above that maybe I should give up that vice....

But not this someone...

After all, vodka and cranberry sure help dull the pain...

And the frustration...

Because the someone driving the cart conveniently disappeared down the next aisle...

And I was left trying to convince the two young store employees that, even though I was the one bleeding on their floor, I was not the one who ran into the display...

I should have asked to see a manager...

But I just wanted to be on my way...

Maybe I should just stick to coffee...

Okay, I admit I am over 50....

But what am I supposed to do with the doggie in my purse????

AARP: Once you're 50, goodbye Jell-O shots, saying panties plus other dos and don'ts

Showing off my baby girl....

Ok, so that is not my baby girl or grandbaby girl in the pic...


But it is my baby girl behind the camera...


CareBear has started a blog about what she loves to do best...


And she does it beautifully...


A picture is worth a thousand words...


Or, as she says....


A photo for your thoughts....


Check her out...


I think you will like what you see.

It's nice to have a Dad who can help....

A couple of weeks before my Ford Taurus POS took to the junkyard in the sky....

G-Man's car took a turn in the same direction.

He and I and his dad (mostly his dad) had dropped several hundred dollars into maintaining that POS over the last few months...

And G-Man, being a college student has less money than his Mom....

But unlike his Mom, he has a Dad who can, and does, help at times...

And this was one of those times....

Dad decided that he wanted a small truck for his farm...

And if G-Man did not mind sharing a little, Dad would purchase a truck and put G-Man on the insurance as long as G-Man paid the insurance premiums....

What a deal....

Too good to pass up....

Of course, the truck is Dad's, so when Carebear or LDBoy need to borrow the truck....

G-Man will hand it over and borrow one of their vehicles in the interim....

No problem....

And when Dad decides he wants to drive the truck for awhile, because, after all, it is his and, according to G-Man, it is a chic magnet....

G-Man will drive Dad's Subaru ....

Dad informed G-Man last evening that he needed to borrow the truck for a few days over the next couple of weeks....

And so G-Man will be driving a Subaru....

With a bumper sticker....

Needless to say, I will not be borrowing G-Man's wheels....

Not that I am all that against legalizing hemp...

I just do not proclaim it on my bumper....

Any more than I proclaim that I no longer go to church on Sunday....

Or that I did not vote in the last election so none of this mess the country is in is my fault...

Or....

Well, you get my drift....

I am not surprised....

It's kind of like asking for directions....

Report: Men are more likely to be struck by lightning

I have no further comment...

Phat Phil Returns....

I got a note from Phat Phil recently....

He shared a story with me about a friend of his...

His story kind of reminded me of some Peyton PHlaCe Antics....

Seriously...


I feel a little like Ms. Ant...

I guess I'd better change my attitude..

Until recently, Ms. Ant arrived at her place of work very early everyday and started work immediately. She produced a lot and she was happy to do so.  She enjoyed her job.

Mr. Lion, the CEO of the company where Ms. Ant worked, was surprised to see that Ms. Ant worked without supervision and yet produced so much....

And he could not help but wonder how much more Ms. Ant would produce if she were supervised...

So, Mr. Lion recruited Mr. Cockroach, who had extensive experience as a supervisor and who was famous for writing extensive reports.

Mr. Cockroach's first order of business was to set up a clocking-in attendance system.

And, of course, he needed to hire an admin person to write and type his reports, and...

He recruited young Mr. Spider to manage the archives amd monitor all phone calls.

Mr. Lion was delighted with mr. cockroach's reports and asked him to produce graphs to describe production rates and analyze trends so that he could present them at B of D meetings.

Well, Mr. cockroach needed a newer/better computer and a laser printer to prepare those graphs...

And someone to manage the new IT department...

Enter Mr. Fly....

Ms. Ant started feeling the pressure. She used to be so relaxed and productive.  But now she had a plethora of paperwork and meetings to attend which got in the way of her "real" work.

Meanwhile, Mr. Lion decided it was time to put someone in charge of the growing department. And for that position, he hired Mr. Cicada...

Who also needed a compter and carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office...

And a personal assistant, who he brought from his previous place of employment, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimisation Plan.....

Ms. Ant was not liking the idea of coming into work anymore. She was not having a bit of fun.

Mr. Cicada noticed that department morale was down and convinced Mr. Lion of the absolute necessity of a climatic study of the office environment.

However, after reviewing the increasing costs for running the department and realizing that production was down, Mr. Lion decided it was time for an audit....

So....

He hired Mr. Owl, a prestigious and renowned consultant. to perform the audit and make suggestions....

Mr. Owl spent the next three months in the department and produced a 6-volume report....

Mr. Owl's conclusion: The department is overstaffed.

And who is the first to go????

Ms. Ant of course....

Because of her lack of motivation and negative attitude...

Sometimes it pays to have a little extra padding....

A friend and I made a trip to visit Houdini and a few other friends Saturday....


At Presque Isle Downs near Erie....


We got there about 11:00 AM and were walking from my car to the door....


Chatting away....


About what time and where we should meet for lunch....


When all of a sudden, my coffee and I were flying through the air....


Ok, maybe just my coffee was flying.....


But I felt like I was flying....


Actually I was hitting the ground....


Apparently another Houdini visitor saw someone leaving an awesome close-up spot....


So he backed up a little to make room for the leaver (new word) to back out... 


He backed up right into me....


I took a pretty good tumble....


I am hurting today in places I did not know could hurt....


But I lived to tell about it....


Obviously....


It could have been worse....


Much worse....


I could have been so small that he did not feel the hit and I could have been under his truck/van/suv....


Yeah, I am not sure what kind of vehicle it was he was driving, other than that it was something that he obviously could not see out of the back of too well...


Or I could have still been in my car....


In my brand new car....


And it would have been smashed instead of me....


Things could have been worse....

Sibling Rivalry....

So....

As you know if you are a follower...

There has been a bit of sibling rivalry among my siblings...

But nothing compared to the sibling rivalry among my grandbabies...

Or should I say my grandduckies...

LDBoy and MGirl acquired 2 ducklings a couple of months ago...

One of them died within a couple of days...

So the they got 2 more....

Because apparently ducklings do better when there are more than one...

And duckling farms only sell them in pairs...

Pairs being the key word....

Unfortunately...

For one of the ducklings...

Once they were big enough to be left alone, unsupervised in the back yard....

That is where they made their home...

Or LDBoy made a home for them...

He would go check on them every morning....

Bring them food and fresh water....

And they would all be happy to see him....

One more than the others....

That should have been a clue...

Because one morning there were only 2 ducks happy to see him...

The previously happiest to see him was not happy about anything....

Except that maybe it was know in ducky heaven...

From all appearances, it died a violent death....

Which surprised LDBoy....

He thought he had built them a nice home...

Well protected from the outside elements...

A safe haven from cats and foxes and raccoons....

And whatever else roams the night...

He watched for a couple nights and noticed a few predators attempting to get at the surviving ducks....

Attempting being the key word...

He had built a good home...

That is when he realized that ducks are only happy in pairs...

Three is not company....

Three is a crowd....

One of them had to go...

So they made it happen...

Kind of makes you not care anymore if some night hawk grabs the other two...

Where is Phillipia???

Maybe you do not care....

But I will tell you anyway...

I have been enjoying my new Fit and using it to cafe crawl....

I am crawling for car payments...

At the rate I am going, I should be able to crawl my way through a car payment every other month or so...

I can handle that...

And while crawling, I am reminded of all the things I do not miss about my Ford Taurus POS...

I DO NOT MISS.....

• Having to check the oil every other week....
• Having to wonder if I am going to be able to sit through each effin red light without my car stalling...
• Wondering if my car is going to decide to stall while I am doing 75 mph on the highway....or in the construction zone....or in the school zone...or anywhere....
• Wondering if that noise up front is really just a nuisance or if the front end is going to give out some day.....
• Wondering if I will be able to lock the doors as  I go through not so great neighborhoods at not so light hours or if the Door Is Open Light will trigger the Doors Will Not Lock feature....
• Wondering when the right front spring is going to break again, tearing my right front tire apart....
• Wondering why smoke pours from under the hood every time it is raining or misty out....
• Wondering if that sweet smell is actually anti-freeze leaking into the oil because the head gasket is going bad....
• Not having Air Conditioning in this Cleveland summer...
• The blind spots....
• The huge front end....
• Not being able to haul much of anything in the back seat because of how the doors open....
• Not being able to haul anything very large in the trunk because of its weird shape...

I DO MISS....

The closed trunk to throw my purse in....

and....

That's it.......

It's a good fit...

So...


I was on my way to work Friday morning and my Taurus POS just decided to stall out as I was driving along....


Lucky I was in a school zone going only 20 mph...


Of course the people behind me were not so happy when I slowed down instead of speeding up at the end of the school zone...


But better than going 75 mph through the Blue Ridge Mountains...


Yeah...


That was the scenario the last time my POS had this little problem...


Déjà vu...


I should have realized....


When the check engine light would not go off...


And the "A Door is Open" light started displaying randomly....


And the rain induced smoke from the front of the car started appearing more frequently...


Yeah, it has been raining a lot lately....


But still....


So I made a decision on the way to work Friday...


I was going car shopping this weekend...


Any car will do....


As long as it is new....


I hoped to take one of my sons along for a show of manhood...


But they were pretty busy this weekend...


So I just went for it...


Visited one dealer...


Told him what I wanted...


He showed me what he had that "fit" my wants and needs...


I saw something I liked....


Took it for a test drive...


Made a down payment...


Prayed the financing would go through  - as my credit is less than stellar...


And it all "fit" together rather nicely...


Yes - I am the proud owner of a Honda Fit...


Pretty much right off the boat...


I consider this purchase doing my part to help the Japanese economy get back on track after Tsunami...


And so I plan to deduct this charitable contribution on my 2011 tax return....

Say what????

I can now have coffee anytime???

  Company says caffeine pants can help you lose weight

In my pants....

While I dance...

On a walk...

While I talk...

I think I need to try these....

Because we all know I love my coffee...

And I need to lose weight, too...

Peyton PHlaCe Antics...

One of the newest projects at Peyton PHlaCe is named after a car...

A very fast car....

A very efficient car...

So efficient that....

When one takes off they all take off...

The CF Core Team members each received a radio controlled model of this fast, effcient car...

And during a meeting to bring upper management up to speed on project status...

The project manager decided to drive one of the model cars very fast across the boardroom table....

Every other model car in the building took off flying, too...

Off of their owner's desk....

Across the office....



Apparently they are all on the same frequency....
 
And owners like to keep the remote on so they are ready for action whenever they need a quick diversion....
 
And diversion they got....
 
And now Ms. Admin is wondering why she has received requests from 15 different team leads for krazy glue to be stocked in the supply cabinet...

I misunderstood....

I thought Saturday WAS rapture....


Not just the beginning...

Some say Saturday is Judgment Day

I will most likely be here for a few more months...


I am pretty damn sure I will not rise into the heavens...


Not that I am a bad person...


Just not that good of one....


For example  quit going to church a few years back....


I added up the daily attendance forced on me by my parents growing up....


And then I added in the Sundays I attended for a few years after I moved out of the house....
 
And I figure I have attended enough to cover the Sunday thing for the rest of my life and probably the lives of my three kids as well....


But I have digressed again...


Being under the misconception that Saturday was the end of the world rather than just the beginning of the end...


I went through my life's savings this past week...


Not that there was a lot to go through, but still....


Now what am I to do????


Maybe I should head out for some coffee....

Shut the Effin Lights....

G-Man is home for the summer...


Which means every time I come home from anywhere....


And every time I wake up in the morning...


Or in the middle of the night because I am old and do not sleep through the night much anymore....


Every frickin' light in the house is on....


I decided it was time for a Mom-Son heart to heart....


And since the only time we seem to see each other is late at night when I am ready for bed and he is heading out to  spend time with friends....


I caught him the other night....


And took him to dinner...


Which was more like an early morning breakfast...


Because 12:01 is morning....


And you know what kind of food places are open at that hour....


Yeah, bad idea....


I did not sleep so good after...


Not that I sleep good anyway...


But back to the light business....


I learned something during that breakfast...


About why G-Man has a need to flip on every light as he goes through the house...


 And not turn them off as he leaves a room...


My G-Man is deathly afraid of spiders....


Which I sort of knew....


The last time I heard him crash against the shower doors and thought he had someone in there with him that he was .....


Anyway...


He came out of the shower and mentioned that I might want to be careful of the huge spider that was in there that he could not kill...


Probably because he was too busy trying to get away from it...


This little itsy bitsy spider...


Really....


Itsy bitsy....


But back to the lights....


As G-Man informed me at breakfast...


I, as a Mom, should know that spiders are nocturnal...


They like to crawl and jump around and do other weird things in the dark...


But...


If the lights are on, they will stay hidden...


And all the lights need to be on...


In every room....


Otherwise they will all go to the dark rooms....


And when you need to go into a dark room to get something you left there....


When you turn on that light...


They will all feel the need to scatter...


And at least some of them will most likely scatter toward you....


So the lights are staying on for now...


Otherwise G-Man will go to Dad's to live for the summer....


Yeah, right...


Dad's house has ghosts...


Little boy ghosts...


And old woman ghosts....

Playing 2 Win...

Last week I posted a little about my current coffee addiction...


In case you missed it, I have been cafe crawling lately....


Internet cafe crawling, that is....


Where they offer coffee and internet services....


I pay them $20 and they allow me to spend time using their Internet connection...


Browsing the web and checking my email...


And updating my blog...


And chatting with my Facebook friends...


And checking my OKCupid profile...


And playing sweepstakes games....


And hopefully winning my $20 back before I leave...


I discovered these little cafes in mid-February...


By mid-April I had paid out $300 that I did not win back...


$300 for services I can get at home for free...


At first I looked at it as entertainment/grocery money....


Most places offer free dinners...


Pretty good dinners, too...


But still...


I do not normally budget $150 a month for my own groceries/entertainment....


Just because I do not have it to budget...


But I really like cafe crawling and gaming...


It IS addicting....


And I AM addicted....


I am not ashamed to admit it....


There are worse addictions....


 So I figured I needed a way to control this addiction...


I have devised a plan....


And believe it or not, it is actually working...


It is quite simple....


I realized that I was losing so much money because I would alway play down my winnings hoping to win even bigger....


And then when I lost all my winnings, I would put a few dollars more in the machine...


Odds are I am going to hit paydirt sometime....


Well I cannot afford to wait for the odds to bend my way...


So I decided I would not allow myself to lose more than $20 week...


I gave myself $40 to start...


And I started cafe crawling....


I take only my ID and $20 into each cafe...


I play my $20 and cash out my winnings...


I do not play my winnings...


At least not all of them....


I sometimes leave the cafe with my $20, sometimes less, sometimes more....


When I no longer have $20 left of my $40 (that is, when I have lost the whole $20) I am done for the week....


That has happened only once since I started this strategy 4 weeks ago....


And I did not lose that week, because I start over with only $40 each day....


Daily winnings are put aside and do not count toward the next day's winnings...

I call this my Play to Win strategy...

You can call me Charlie...


Yes, I am winning...


Because that is the only way I can afford to feed my addiction...


Admittedly, I do not win big...


Not like my cafe buddy who seems to have the winning touch wherever we go...


But I do ok...


In fact, as of earlier this week, I have made back the $300 I lost before I started my P2W strategy...


Right now, I am averaging about $75 per week in winnings...


If this keeps up, I may actually be able to afford to feed G-Man while he is home this summer...