Tenjooberrymuds

My boss sent this email to the localization team the other day...

She also sends us the best homemade baked goods in the world, but I digress...

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS". With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.

Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old USA today...

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: "Rye. Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: "... What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so.."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!... Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine... Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter.. just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea...meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds"

Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' "... and you do, don't you?

And you thought you didn’t speak a foreign language!!

You've got mail...

I must admit, I do not go to the mail box too often.

I pay all of my bills online...in fact, I do most everything online.

I headed toward the mailbox at least three times last week - but before I got there I got caught up in something else.

Now, I do ask G-Man to get the mail once in awhile, but unless he is waiting for a package, my request falls on deaf ears.

But yesterday, on the way out to dinner...

Let's stop and get the mail on the way out, Mom.

Okay...are you waiting for something?

Well, sort of -you think that stuff I asked you to order over the weekend is here?

It's worth a check...(not - I did not order till this morning, but he does not need to know that).

----

You got a package, Mom. Did you order something?

Just open it...I want to see (I am driving).


It is a cool pen ....with a cow on it...why would someone send you a pen - there's two of them.



Because I asked for it...and they are the coolest pens in the world...And it is not a cow...it is a goat.

Geez...all those hours of See 'n Say and you cannot tell the difference between a goat and a cow...

I forgot my glasses...

Just give me my pens...they're awesome.

Wait...Nanny Goats in Panties? Where are the panties?

On the goat..where do you think???

What???

Don't worry about it...

Thanks for the pens, Margaret. I will show them off proudly...

And if you get a lot of extra traffic from the Willoughby area in the next few days...

It is could be that my friends like your pens, or...

...some teenage football players are looking for panties...

It was a Bally's night...

Yay...I have not been to Bally's in forever...

During the summer, I decided it was much easier to go to the complex pool, get some Vitamin D, some color, and some exercise all at the same time. One stop shopping...

And since the pool closed a couple weeks ago...well, ya know, it was one thing after another.

It is amazing how much muscle weight I have gained since my last visit to Bally's.

It must all be in my fingers...from all those extra hours I have been putting in at work, typing away, loading info into the database...

Monday was a good day.

I took the day off work and went shopping with CareBear.- she bought, I watched. I did good not spending a cent that I did not have...

In the early evening, LDBoy and G-Man joined us and I was treated to one of my favorite dinners at Texas Roadhouse. Sirloin tips over mashed potatos and gravy with mushrooms - oh yeah.

And I finally got smart and learned to order my tips rare so that by the time they get to me they are medium rare:)

Then CareBear and LDBoy and I headed downtown to watch Dinosaurus Rex at Pat's in the Flats.

I figured the place may not be crowded since it was a Monday night. And I was absolutely right...in fact LDBoy was the only paying customer the whole time we were there.

I guess CareBear and I could have bought our own drinks and tripled the amount of customers, but LDBoy offered, and who are we to not let a guy buy us drinks?

We did not have a hard time deciding what to drink either...since Pat does not keep fruit (lemons and limes are not exceptions) or fruit juice (except cranberry, because its medicinal), or fruit flavored spirits.

So shots of Jose Cuervo it was ....chased with a vodka and cranberry.

A few of those and the place was looking pretty inviting.

A few more and I had to use the ladies room.

Not so inviting...even after a few...

But when ya gotta go, you do; so I did.

What, no soap???? Just mustard? I kid you not, there was a mustard dispenser sitting on the sink where the soap should have been.

I am not that brave....

I heard....I really did not check on this myself...that there was a ketchup dispenser in the men's room.

Wonder where the mayo dispenser was...

Doing Laundry...over.

Thanks, G-man and company...

Yesterday I had a zillion things to do.

Really, I counted...

I decided I could do three things at once: laundry, update the rebel web, sort through some work emails....

So I head to the basement with my work laptop, my home laptop, and three bags of laundry...

Woah...looks like there was a party happening here...

I know G-man had some of the guys over because it was a no football weekend...but how many guys does it take to leave this kind of mess?????

Red plastic cups everywhere...No way was there that much pop in the fridge...

Ping pong balls??? We do not have a ping pong table...

Crushed pretzel bits...jeez...did they think they were grapes???

Playing cards all over the place...like a game of 204 card pickup gone wrong....

Video games and controllers everywhere...

No boys to help pickup tho....

Oh well, add another thing to my todo list....

So I throw in a load of laundry, take a look at all the clean laundry sitting there waiting to get put away (add to list), and boot up my computers.

As I am praying that I can get online (so I can cross 'call cable guy back" off my list) I hear the washer go into it spin cycle followed by the sound of water spraying all over the place....

Yeah, all over the floor, all over the clean laundry, all over everything....

Why the hell would anyone unclamp the washer hose from the tub???

OMG, just add a few more things to my todo list...

Just F'in look it up...

This morning I finally made it to BMV to renew my registration.

I had planned to take care of this online but G-Man's and CareBear's cars - registered to me for insurance rate purposes - needed an E-check this year.

CareBear was very cooperative, being female and all. She took care of hers a month ago - in plenty of time for me to renew online.

G-Man however.....well, he had a brake light out for well over a month now.

I have been bugging him for weeks to get it taken care of.

Last weekend I finally withheld some important news until he had the light fixed...

Brake light working???? Ok, then, here's the mail you been waiting for...

That left a week for him to get the E-Check done...

No time Monday...
Too Busy Tuesday...
Working out Wednesday...
Gotta focus on the game Thursday....
Friday....I'll do it tomorrow...

Only if you are going to be there at 8:00 AM when they open...

But I ....

You do not have football....

It's the only day I can sleep in...

Then I guess you better get there now....

So...here I am at the BMV office...noone in line, this could be quick...

Ma'm it says here these two cars need e-checked.

I had it done.

Where's your paperwork.

Shit...I left it home...

You need your paperwork.

Can't you look it up - see if it shows up on line?

No...you need to go get your paperwork.

No way...that's going to be a problem. I mean, I can get it for G-man's car - it is sitting on my desk... but CareBear had hers e-checked over a month ago in another town. And she is out of town and I do not have her paperwork...

Sorry, I need....

Try to look it up...

It won't show ...

Just try....(before I feel the need to get loud)

Ok (deep sigh)...it says here you are all set. That will be $163.40.

Wow....how much of that goes toward your salary?

I opened a bottle of your wine....

As my son and his friends were retelling this story, I was reminded of Flubtastic Doofalo's OJ Post...


LDBoy and his business partners decided to share a few of cases of Mon Avie.

Obviously they are trying to clean out their systems....we'll just leave that there. But I am told a mere shot (aka 1.5 oz) per day keeps them embarrassingly flatulent for the day...

One of the partners makes his home in NC; the other partners are Ohio based. So they had the shipment sent to the Ohio office, split it up, and forwarded NC man his share.

In the meantime, NC man has left his NC home-office for an exrtended visit to Ohio. He asked a friend to house-sit because he was expecting some deliveries...

NC man answered his phone while at dinner a couple days into his Ohio visit...

NC Man: Hello
House-sitter: Hey, man. WTF kind of wine did you order. I had a couple of glasses and have been on the shitter ever since.
NC Man: It's not wine.
House-sitter: No kidding.
NC Man: Why did you open my stuff?
House-sitter: I had my girlfriend over and we felt like some wine...aw shit...gotta go...coming through....

They sound so much alike...

So as I was packing up to leave the office last Friday, my desk phone rings....

Hello, this is Phillipia.

Hey Mom, you still going to the game?

Yeah...why wouln't I???

Can you take me?

What???

Can I ride with you??

Why???

Why not???

Ummm...why aren't you riding on the bus with the team???

Mom, this is your other son...

Ooops....

The Cable Guy

My internet/cable/phone has not worked real well since I switched providers a few months ago...

I switched because customer support was terrible with the previous provider...

Customer service does not seem much better with this provider...

One of my irritating expectations of service providers is that I should not have to find out how good their customer service is....

I am paying for a service....just fucking do it right. Keep the lines clear and fast and secure...

Do not make me have to call your customer support line in India and talk to someone I cannot understand.....I did press 1 for English...

Do not make me have to be home for a 4 hour block of time....and then not show up...and then want to reschedule for tomorrow night! Yeah, I have been overdoing it lately, but I still do not want to be forced to sit at home without internet or tv ...I have things to do...places to be...

Do not call my house phone which is a digital line that you talked me into but is now not working except as an excuse for your field service guy to say he called but did not get an answer and so assumed noone was home......duh....

Do not have your FSE call my cell phone from an unavailable number and not leave a message or a call-back number and then assume I am not home. I am human with human needs. Sometimes I am indisposed for a couple of minutes taking care of those human needs and cannot get to the phone before it stops ringing...

I'll be here again tomorrow...waiting...maybe piggybacking on some unsuspecting neighbor's unsecure line...catching the signal when I can...

Do not make me have to ask for reimbursement for down time...sure I'll take that credit...but I'd much rather have a signal...

Sorry I was late....

Courtesy Note: If you are just here for the funny, you may want to skip to the last two paragraphs, 'cuz I tend to take a while to get there.

For the rest of you that can handle me going on and on and on, read on.

Last night was not a great night for the Rebels....they just could not get their act together long enough to get past the WildCats of Mayfield.

Not that they did not try their damnedest. There were more positives from the game than negatives...just not enough to pull out a win....

The O-coordinator decided to use more of a passing game plan - which probably seemed best since every punt/kick return from Mayfield went deep in our end zone and we had to go 80 yards every drive to make it to their end-zone....arghhh....

So of course the running backs (G-man and el), continually got the ball only on 3rd down (and long, usually)...and did I mention Mayfield also has a tough defense.

G-man had more receiving yards than rushing yards last night...wait...you are a wide receiver and a tight end now, too??? When did that happen???

Oh well....better things will happen next week, I am sure.

But let's step back a little to before the game...

This has been a crazy week at work and at home. You know about Tuesday and Wednesday.

Thursday I went into work early 'cuz I needed to leave at 3:30 to serve the football dinner. Well, we are STILL releasing projects so after dinner I headed back to the office and worked til 9:30.

Then I went to the local Big Bird grocer to get some wings and a few munchies to have on hand for after Friday's game. Although I was not ready to be the Senior parent host this week, no one else had yet offered, so I thought I should...

So I was up late into Thursday night making wings and doing football laundry....

I toyed with the idea of going in late Friday but remembered there was a meeting I needed to be at at 9:00 am and another at 11:00 and another at 3:00....and of course a game to be at by 7:00 PM which happens to be right across the street from the office.

This should have been ok, had I not offered to host post-game...

So, I left the office after the 11:00 meeting, went home, cleaned up the place (toss in closet kind of clean-up), hit the grocery store for some burgers, dogs, and buns ('cuz G-man and the boyz cannot live on wings alone I was told), back home to toss burgers in the freezer and wings in the crock pot with bbq so they would be ready after the game, and headed back to work...

I intended to work til about 6:30 and then head over to the field, but by 5:30 I was exhausted. So a co-worker and I decided to hit the local Irish pub for a beer or two before going our separate ways for the weekend....

Of course I am wearing my Rebel jersey in Mayfield territory, but hey...I didn't start the fights...

There were a few other rebel parents there to offer some protection, so we moved as one out the door and down the road.

After the game, a few Moms head back to the school to wait for the buses and congratulate/console the boys and maybe feed them cookies to hold them over til they get to the real food. Consoling was not an easy task Friday...in fact it did not go over well at all.
We could hear the boys mumbling through their post-game prayer. I suggested they move it along and save the prayers for next week's pre-game since that would make more sense to me, but they acted like they didn't hear me...

I was actually just wanting them to get out of the locker room so I could hug G-man and then head home to open the house before those who did not go back to the locker could get in...

Of course on nights like these G-man is last out of the locker room - not sure what he does in there, but his knuckles were a lil bruised and I did hear the sounds of some inanimate (if they weren't before they are now) objects being tossed around.

Surprisingly, when I got to the house, there was no one breaking down the doors to get in. Apparently they had been there and got tired of waiting and headed to Croagh Patrick's for a while we're waiting brew or two.

And of course very few players showed because I think they were afraid to look like they were wanting food after a game that went so wrong. G-man was the gracious player host all tho I did get a few why me glares...

But after a couple burgers, a plate of wings, and several Dads (aka bleacher coaches) letting him know that he looked pretty good out there despite everything that went wrong, he felt a lil better.

And that is the point of these post game gatherings...win or lose, have some food, look back, look forward...the team is family...family is there through the good and the bad...

Quite a few parents showed up - some brought a few "people" (aka, stray rebel fans) back with them from Croagh Patrick's - so all in all it was a good late night/early morning gathering...

And now, remembering that this is suppose to be a humor blog, some funny shit did happen last night....

Just about the time people were starting to leave, I realized I had a voice mail.

Hey Phillipia, we're here at your house....your lights are not on, we're knocking, you're not answering...we can smell wings, we are looking at your naked neighbor...where the hell are you? C'mon let us in...quit making us look at your naked neighbor...it is not pretty...we're outta here, sorry we missed ya...yikes...go...go!

Ooops, sorry I was late guys...

Me: Hey...I just got your voicemail...glad you came back.
Them: Yeah, we figured you was at the school...
Me: So who is my naked neighbor? Oh...him...(as they are pointing in
a general direction and gagging)... yeah, prolly not pretty. I have seen him
in his tighty- whiteys smoking on his deck...he seems ok with himself...or maybe
Altheimer's has set in...

And then my attention was suddenly diverted, as a story is unfolding from a Mom who works the phones for a no-named we'll give you quotes from three companies insurance agency...

So, he says...hey, after I started to dial to get a quote, I realized I had to poop...so I am trying to get to the toilet...hold on, I'm unzipping....man, I gotta go, not sure I am gonna make it here....damn....I'm tripping over my pants....hold on...

I'm trying to butt in and ask him if he wants to call back but he is not hearing me at all....just going on and on about trying to get to the bathroom and all I can picture is this guy with his phone in one hand and his pants around his ankles, trying to get his tight-whiteys down before he shits himself...

Ok, I made it to the toilet...we can talk now...oooh...sorry, that feels so good...so about that quote... wait...I forgot to grab a pen and paper....honey, can you bring me a pen and paper....my wife'll be here in a sec...damn where is she?...let me see if I can get up...

Three minutes and 30 seconds later (I set a timer) he says he's sorry but he keeps trying to wipe but he keeps pooping and his wife is not coming with the pen and paper or at all for that matter...

Ok, hold on. I'll use toilet paper...just let me grab something to write with...

That's when I hung up....

Mandatory Drinking...

There was a mandatory meeting for the football parents tonight.

The meeting was mandated by the OHSAA and had an agenda that included us watching an instructional film...

We have known for a couple of weeks that this was happening...we just did not know when...OHSAA took longer than expected to get the film produced and delivered.

Too bad they did not take the whole season...

Rumors were flying about the content. Most of the rumors had the film graphically displaying the dangers of the game....steroid induced heart explosions, neck stingers causing uncontrolled flailing limbs followed by total paralysis; broken necks and backs; femurs protruding everywhere...

The rumors were wrong...mostly...

There was a short clip on heat stroke and a message to athletes, coaches, parents, and fans:

The best prevention is to drink, even when you are not thirsty.

No problem here...

Let's start now...see ya at Croagh Patrick's.

It's a 2-part question...

I just cannot help myself....

I was at the monthly Rebel Mom (no dads allowed) meeting tonight.
I promised myself that I was not going to cause trouble, but my buddy J was not there to hold me back or kick my shins when I started to open my big mouth.

As you may know, I am coordinating the football meal planning. We used the school cafeteria to store our stuff (utensils/cups/plates/gatoraid) during the summer doubles. But once school started we had to move our stuff out of the kitchen.

Last year's football mom (also a rebel mom) used the indoor concession stand (rebel mom property) to store some of the bigger stuff during football season.

Well, I just assumed that this year's football moms (also rebel moms) would be afforded the same courtesy.

So...why can't you just take your stuff home with you every week? Keep it in your car? Okay...you can keep some of your stuff in there - but you cannot have a key...

And what good does that do me??? It;s a 2 part question - can I have a lil space and a key to access the little space????

Uh - well...maybe...but probably not....

Forget it...I will just go to plan B....you'll figure it out eventually...

One of the football moms texted me during the meeting from across the room....

I have to go...call me after the meeting so we can exchange the goods...

Goods as in utensils...she serves meals on Wednesdays and I serve on Thursdays and we cannot use the concession stand to store our stuff so we have to trade things twice a week - or buy two of everything...

So after the meeting I give MealMom#2 a call.

Me:So why'd you have to leave the meeting?
MM#2: I had to; I couldn't stand it anymore...my time limited...and that is a waste of it...come on by, we'll have a drink.

Well, it so happens I had already made plans to get a drink with Treasurer Mom and MM#2 just wanted to stay in for the night, but suggested we visit her brothers' bar as they had just opened their kitchen.

So off to Croagh Patrick's we went and had a wonderful time. A couple of orders of macaroni bites, a couple of Killian's and a couple of shots (complements of MM#2's brother) and I was feeling much better about not having a key to that blasted concession stand.

More promises...

I promised myself not to post football stats and video as filler info on my blog....

But...the Rebels did have a great game Friday night...

Check out the press they got here: http://southrebelfootball.com/news.php

Hear the crowd chanting "Gary Harmon" in the South vs Alliance video...

It is unfortunate (well, not for G-Man or myself) that the video shows only his 2 TDs.

There were two other great offensive TDs and an interception that BWills carried 79 yards for a defensive TD.

It was an awesome night.

And Kudos to the O-line - hope you enjoyed the doughnuts Saturday morning. I knew I was forgetting something this summer - putting money back for doughnuts for Saturday morning films for the O-line - assuming they block good for my baby:)

Promises...Promises...

I know I promised to write about feet today as a member of HBDC.

And when I made this promise, I intended to keep it; I expected my hectic life to slow down, but it hasn't...

I guess I could tell you about G-man's ingrown toe-nail on the big toe of his right foot - but that is pretty gross.

And I could tell you that tonight is the first high school football game for many schools in our area, including the Willoughby South Rebels - but nothing funny there...

I could tell you about the 5000 feet of toilet paper that I found in my yard this morning; wrapped around the trees, bushes, deck, and car....thank you WS cheerleaders:)

I could tell you about how I have been plagued with plantar fasciitis in my left foot lately.
Not sure how I got that as (after some limited research) I discovered that it most often affects joggers, tennis players, policemen, and those with gonorrhea...

But I really do not have time to blog today...instead, I must get off of my lunch break and continue my great feat of releasing a shitload of docs for Peyton PHlaCe....

Lesson for the day...

This lesson was passed on to me from a pre-school (for the gifted) teacher.

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife for a free visit to a medicine man living on a nearby Indian reservation. This particular medicine man was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

Wanting to keep his wife happy, the old man decided to redeem his certificate...

During his visit, the medicine man gave the birthday boy a vial full of a sweet-smelling liquid and these instructions:

"This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You must take only one teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'. When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you will be able to perform for a very long time."

"How long is long? When will the medicine stop working?" the old man questioned.

"One dose will allow you to perform until your partner has had enough and says '1-2-3-4,' repled the healer. "And then, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

Eager to see if the magic medicine would actually work, the old man hurried home, showered, shaved, and took his first dose; he then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said:

"1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of 74-year old men.

His wife was so excited to see his sudden burst of manliness that she started tearing off her own clothes.

"Ooooh, baby, now that's what I'm talking about...but what was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.

Bragging Rights:)

Watch and enjoy...


High school football preview: Rich year for running backs (video) - The News-Herald Sports : Breaking news coverage for Northern Ohio



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Would you get this job?

The following is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once used as part of a job application:
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

• An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
• An old friend who once saved your life.
• The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

• Would you pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and you feel you should save her?
• Would you take the old friend who once saved your life? This is the perfect chance for pay back.
• Or, would you take your perfect mate because, well, how often does that chance come along?

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) gave the following answer:

I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.

The moral? Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. We need to be able to 'Think Outside the Box.'

I got this story in an email from one of the other candidates for the position. He still believes he had the better answer and should have been hired.

I would have to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her; I would then have mad, passionate sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car; and then I would drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

I'd like to share...

A few random thoughts...

• I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
  
  
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
  
  
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when I realize I'm wrong, very wrong. Yeah, it happens...to me...a lot:(
  
  
• When someone says: "I don't need to drink to have fun," all I can think is "No one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when you've got a lighter?"
  
  
• I totally wish I could take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was a kid...I'd probably be a lot less tired now.
  
  
• Why isn't there a sarcasm font?
  
  
• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.
  
  
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text or put on eyeliner.
  
  
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. I mentioned this to my kids..."Duh, Mom; but we don't suck at it, so don't worry."
  
  
• Was learning cursive really necessary? How many people's writing can you actually read? And Adobe has taken care of your signature...
  
  
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  
  
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just start nodding and smiling because you can't understand someone's broken English and pressing 1 doesn't work in everyday conversation...
  
  
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a fucktard from cutting in at the front. Left lane ends...you were warned 3 miles back...
  
  
• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
  
  
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
  
  
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  
  
• Bad decisions make good stories - especially when they are someone else's bad decisions...
  
  
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. It hit a few minutes ago...
  
  
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection for the sixth time...
  
  
• If the tag says "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" it will never get clean...not in my house, anyway.
  
  
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
  
  
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood, don't ya think?
  
  
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  
  
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
  
  
• It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
  
  
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Light than Kay.

I am not nice when I am tired...

I am feeling pretty damn exhausted lately...

So today when I got into work and checked my email, and read that my boss had asked the lead of one of my projects (Ms. Lead) to oversee the work of another project that I thought I was now leading ...

And then found another email from Ms. Lead asking everyone who was providing me with input to provide her with the status of their input so maybe she could give us some ideas of how to move this project along faster...

Let's just say I lost it....

The reason I took on this new work a few weeks ago was two-fold:
I like to do it and not too many of my coworkers do...
I figured I could work on my own a bit...away from my Ms. Lead.

Ms. Lead, god love her, is a wonderful person with a smiling, happy personality. She just manages to micromanage the hell out of every project she takes on....She plans the project to death and then replans everytime something small changes and expects the "workers" on the project to confirm her new plans and let her know the instant things change so that maybe her suggested target "dates" cannot be met.

Well guess what, when the whole project end date moves out by a year, my date is gonna move too....sorry I did not mention that to you.

And yet a third email ....Recently, a vendor delivered 240+ translated documents. Ms. Lead asked for a target delivery date for each of the documents. She asked for confirmation of the dates regularly...all were within a two-week span. These were not small documents - they averaged 200 pages each...All documents were delivered within 5 days of the target date - some early, some up to 5 days late. "Well, why were we late on some documents", Ms. Lead asks. "And how can we prevent this in the future?"

Well, I gave her my idea which was probably not a good idea...but I was in a mood....

Phillipia says...

How about you and the rest of the management team find something to do with your time besides asking us the "workers" to report on the status of our "work" while also explaining exactly how we are doing said "work" so you can report to upper management that you have thought of some ways to improve "worker" efficiencies...

Needless to say my idea was not well received.

So I just put my headphones on and continued working, replying to all status requests with "IAFWOI"

I could be wrong...

I thought things would have slowed down a bit by now, but It is taking me longer than I thought to get all the things done I had hoped to get done over the last couple of weeks.

Another couple weeks and MAYBE I will be caught up - if I quit taking on more...I need a lesson in how to say NO...

Not sure I told you that my oldest got a new pet boa; BOA was the guest of honor at his Garden of Eden themed party the other night. I am not quite sure what a Garden of Eden party is because I was not on the invite list...which probably says a lot about what it is...

Costumes were mandatory and G-Man went as Temptation; as far as I know, he did not buy any type of costume; I did see him leave the house with a red marker, tho...Bite Me???

I have yet to see pictures, but I hear BOA had things wrapped up pretty well. Even CareBear, as the tree of life, had a photo moment with BOA...

And unlike the OT garden, this garden abounded in Eves...scantily clad and sharing a BOA...

G-man, being the good son he is, visited his Dad the morning after the party. Unfortunately, his car barely made it to dad's and ended up in a shop in Brimtuckey. But Dad has a few cars so he decided to let G-man borrow one of them until his got fixed; it was not the cool convertible G-Man was hoping to borrow, but....

The Roadmaster, with front bumper bungee corded to the engine, almost made it half of the 60 mile trip home before it stalled out and refused to start. Two cars down in one day...let's go for a record...

So I spent my afternoon driving to Streetsboro to rescue G-man and waiting there with him and the ex for AAA to come and haul the Roadmaster back to Brimtucky...

Yes, the ex has had a bad couple of weeks. His mom has had knee replacement surgery which was complicated with heart problems and he has just put his step-dad in a home for altzheimer patients. He has been slightly over-stressed.

So I did not point out to him that his long graying scragly hair is not attractive - that the hippie, crocodile dundee look does not look good on him.

And I did not point out that wearing striped boxers that are longer than your walking shorts is probably not ever going to catch on as a fashion trend.

I do not really care how he wears his hair or his underwear, but Senior Parent night is next week and I am not sure G-man's friends believe him anymore when he tells them that his Dad is a fashion entrepreneur.

But I could be wrong...I have been before...at least once...