How Juvenile...:)

I thought (first mistake) that once my kids were old enough to drive themselves around, I would never again have to decide the winner of "Shotgun." How wrong I was. I am now one of the "players" and have learned that there really are rules...

The Shotgun Rules (version 1.1)

The rules listed below apply to the calling of Shotgun (the passenger seat) in an automobile. These rules are definitive and binding.

Section I
The Basic Rules

1. In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word "Shotgun" in a clear voice. This call must be heard and acknowledged by the driver. The other occupants of the vehicle need not hear the call as long as the driver verifies the call.

2. Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and on the way to said vehicle.

3. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediately forthcoming. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.

4. The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.

Section II
Special Cases

These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

1. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.

2. If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

3. In the instance the the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or date for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

4. In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.

5. In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.

6. In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.

Section III
The Survival of the Fittest Rule

1. If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival of the Fittest Rule on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting I-4, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.

2. The driver must announce the institution of the Survival of the Fittest Rule with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.

Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule I-4.

The Office

At the Office we have 4 ongoing NPI (New Product Introduction) projects.

• FNP1 is a mandatory upgrade to a previously released product.
  
• FNP2 is a software release originally scheduled to release a few months after FNP1 and highly dependent on deliverables from another division of the company (FOD).
• FNP3 is a new product based on FNP1 and FNP2 with a few other features integrated from FOD.
• FNP4 is based on FNP1 and FNP2 with a few other features integrated from yet another division of the company (YAFD).

In the original project plans (FOPP) the FNP2 team was to deliver a scaled down version of FNP2 (FNP2A) to FNP1 in time for FNP1 release.

However, it is now getting close to the target release of FNP1 but FNP2A is not yet available because FOD is not delivering on commitments.

FNP1 release by target date is critical because current product (FCP1) that FNP1 is replacing includes obsolete and literally unavailable components (oops....management forgot to account for that when designing FCP1.

FNP1 project team and FNP2 project team have different Project Managers (FPM) and different Functional Leads (FFL); however, all of the employees who do the actual work are on all of the teams and must go to all of the team meetings. The FPMs and FFM only attend the meetings for their specific project and could care less about the state of the other projects.

Oh, and did I mention that the FPMs are all relatively new to the company and industry while all of us workers understand the products and how they interact....

So in every project team meeting (so 8 x per week - one cross functional team meeting and one engineering team meeting for each project) we (workers) are expected to provide status in a format deemed acceptable by the FPM including risks and issues and how they affect our deliverables and impact the project target release date.

All I can say is that either I forgot to take my meds last night or I need a stronger prescription, because I explicitly told two of FPM teams today that they were our biggest risk...while most of the rest of the workers were in agreement, they took their meds last night and were able to keep their opinions to themselves (except for the wide-ass grin on their faces)....

Thanks for your support....

For all our guys who have trouble understanding us...

When we say:----->We Mean:

We need----->I want

It's your decision----->The correct decision should be
                                       obvious by now

Do what you want----->You'll pay for this later 

We need to talk----->I need to complain 

Sure...go ahead----->I don't want you to.

I'm not upset----->Of course I'm upset, you moron. 

You're...so manly----->You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight.----->Is sex all
                                                                     you ever think about?

I'm not emotional!  And I'm not overreacting!----->I have PMS.

Be romantic, turn out the lights.----->I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient.----->I want a new house.

I want new curtains----->and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper...

Hang the picture there----->No, I mean hang it there! 

I heard a noise----->I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?----->I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?----->I did something today you're 
                                                         really not going to like...

I'll be ready in a minute.----->Kick off your shoes and find a
                                                   good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat----->Tell me I'm beautiful.
                   
You have to learn to communicate.----->Just agree with me. 

Are you listening to me!?----->[Too late, your dead.] 

Yes----->No

No----->No 

Maybe----->No

I'm sorry.----->You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe?----->It's easy to fix, so you'd better
                                                get get used to it.

I'm not yelling!----->Yes I am yelling because I think this
                                   is important.
  
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
  
The same old thing.----->Nothing. 

Nothing.----->Everything.

Everything.----->My PMS is acting up.

Nothing, really.----->It's just that you're such a jerk.

I don't want to talk about it.----->Go away, I'm stil building up
                                                           evidence against you.

Thinking of you, LC....

Not Enough Hours in the Day...

So much I want to do...so little time...

I need to take a step back and organize my to do list...
First I'll list some categories....

...need to do to keep my job
...need to do for sanity's sake
...need to do because I said I would
...want to do because it would make life more pleasant
...want to do because I like to do

I'll be back after I take care of the top of the list...

SMS...?

Recently, I entered the world of texting.....finally.

A few things I learned so far....

• It is much easier to dial the 10 digit number and use the phone as it was originally intended...
• "Y" means "Why?" and not "Yes" as it does on true/false tests.
• You can send a message to more than one person at a time....

Work...Work...Work...

It is so hard to get back into the work routine after a week away...

Especially when it is such a hectic week....

Between car problems and court appearances (not mine), doctor appointments, breakfast meetings, dinner meetings, parent meetings, team meetings, web meetings, review meetings, defect scrub meetings, project meetings, pre-meetings, post-meetings, status meetings, staff meetings, all-hands meetings....

And why didn't I get that EREQ submitted - let's have a meeting to talk about it....

Little Brother

Sent to me by my little brother....

littlebrother.wmv

Unpacking

Unpacking is always fun - especially when you come home with more than you left with....now G-Man has two pair of those new cooshy Adiddas sandals he bought himself....sorry B...hope you did not go home barefoot....wondering where you left your shoes...hoping it was not with pop-up girl...really....I had no idea they were yours...thought G-man left them behind.....I will get them back to you....or to ldboy to get back to you...

Home Again!

Home Sweet Home! Being away always makes home seem much nicer than it was when I left - no matter how good of a time I had when I was away.

It helps coming home to a clean house and welcoming kids. Maybe the smile was because I returned with the only working car, but I will be content to believe everyone is happy just to see Mom....

Thanks to my kids for cleaning up too. I do see the remnants of a party here last night, tho...thanks for Molson's -too bad they are empty - but I am enjoying the labels - they know what I like....

And yes, the car in the drive really is undrivable - or at least unsteerable; but there is a swat van in the neighbor's drive...wonder when that showed up...maybe I can borrow it for awhile...wonder if it comes with swat guys...hmmm

Happy Independence Day

First of all, thanks to all of you out there who have served in the armed forces and have helped make the celebration of Independence Day a continuing reality for the rest of us....

Family+ Vacation this year has dwindled into Mom's Vacation.
G-man and CareBear opted to go home half way through - they are not as content as I am with doing absolutely nothing for a week.

Apparently my car does not like family vacations either...Last year it started acting up on the way down to Myrtle Beach. Actually, it was acting up a little before hand, but nothing too bad. However, a couple of hours into the trip, it stalled out as we were driving through the mountains of a West Virginia. I cruised to the side of the road amid lots of shouting and hand gesturing from other mountain travelers. That was the first of many such experience on that trip - until, on the way home, just south of Marietta, it stalled one final time, blowing a fuse and refusing to restart.

Thank goodness for AAA+ and the foresight we had to bring two cars along on the trip. We piled everything we could into the dead car, called a tow, and we all piled into CareBear's car. It was a long ride home - and I was told I was never allowed to take care of the packing again.....

This year, I had a safety check on the car because it was not sounding right. A $1000 later, I had new tie rods and some other stuff it needed....I should be good to go for the summer.

Through the mountains we go and on comes the E-check light. Naive me, I assume it is the altitude and mountain traversing that tripped the light and I wait patiently for it to go off...no such luck....

Next pit stop for food and guess and this car sounds really bad when it starts. But the noise settles down within a minute or two and all seems fine....

So when the kids decided to go home, they naturally took the larger car - mine. They made it home without incident. However, G-man tells me that when he pulled out of the drive yesterday, something snapped in the front end - and that car is not going anywhere. So back to the garage and no more vacations for this car....

Answer Honestly....

I bought a 6-pack of Molson the other day for the Answer Honestly labels...ok, not just for the labels...

And now I am on a mission to find all the unique labels because it sounds like a good excuse to buy Molson instead of bud lite..or..white zinfadel in a box...

Here is my favorite (not quite sure it is published yet, but I am sure it will be soon)....

Would you rather spend a weekend with Ranger or a lifetime with Morelli?

Answer Honestly now....

Would you rather be "Babe" or "Cupcake"?

I don't get it....

In all honesty, I was out of the dating arena for about as long as I was out of the marriage arena...Divorce and single motherhood had a big part in all that....

I cannot think things have changed that much, tho....

Ldboy has a friend...a funny, older friend/business partner... who spends a lot of time at the Lake House. He arrived Saturday evening (after several invitation phone calls from ldboy to join the "party") and is still here Tuesday morning...

He is like part of the family...

The part I do not get is that he lives with his fiancee and 5 year old daughter who he seems to dearly love. Yet he is still here...Last night he was headed home for some family time..or so he said...He never left...

Which is fine by me because he is a fun part of the group....

However, if I was his fiancee...well I just do not think I ever could be...

Now, B's fiancee and little girl have an open invitation to the Lake House and have visited a few times...and ldboy told me that B usually only visits once a week or so...for three or four days...

Granted B is a business partner and the three of them are always working...In the middle of a movie, they start discussing an idea...one tequila, two tequila, I have an idea...What a nice day to be on the lake, I think that might work...

I admit, I do tend to get too attached, but if I ever decided to share my life with someone again, I think it would have to be with someone who wanted to (and did) come home to me most nights ...

Learn Something New Everyday...

At the Lake House...

• The dimmer switch controls the audio in the room...
• The audio is the same throughout the house and is not specific to each room...
• Halo sounds a lot like Disney at 4:30 AM...
• The switch on the left controls the overhead light obviously.
• The middle switch controls the outlet on the far wall which is why my phone is dead this am...
• Still not sure about the switch on the right....

Other tidbits...

• Blocking someone on messenger does not mean you will not hear from them again...
• Anyone can see your away message...whether they are on your buddy list or not...

Things that suck about family vacations...

One of these days I am going to realize...

• Everyone has different expectations for the family vacation...
• Everyone assumes that everyone else knows exactly they expect out of the family vacation...
• No one seems to have a clue what anyone else is thinking or why anyone else is in a frickin' bad mood...
• Mom cannot make it all better no matter how hard she tries...
• Next trip there will be a disclaimer..."How much fun you have is up to you...Mom is going to have fun...because Mom is perfectly content to do nothing or do whatever sounds fun at a moment's notice...with or without anyone and/or everyone else...."
• If anyone is not ok with the disclaimer...do not feel obligated to participate in the family vacation...because vacation should be what you want it to be...
• It seems I promised myself to make everyone aware of this disclaimer about this same time last year...my bad...
  

Excuse me while I visit Jose in margaritaville...

Family+ Vacation '08

For years, family+ vacations meant the kids bring a friend so they do not get bored hanging out with Mom...Somehow it has evolved into Mom tagging along with the kids and their friends. Luckily for Mom, the kids have some pretty interesting friends...Luckily for the kids, mom brings her checkbook:) (Maybe that is why Mom gets to tag along - but I would rather believe it is because she is so much fun!)

This year we are spending a week on Lake Norman in North Carolina...

My firstborn, ldboy, works for himself doing web design and other internet activities that I do not question for fear of finding out something I do not want to know. He is happy and self-sufficient and not in jail - what more can a Mom want?

Currently, he and a friend/business partner are renting an awesome house on Lake Norman. I find it especially awesome because it provides an an economical, relaxing, fun getaway place - and I currently have an open invitation...

They moved to this particular location on the advice of another friend/business partner. I have learned some interesting things while hanging out with the three of them...