Oooops...

Even the Boss makes mistakes...




I have to believe he was hoping if he said it enough, he would be back in Ohio...

'Cuz who in hell can mistake Michigan for Ohio? (sorry, K)

Weekend Humor...

I dropped G-Man off for Life-Teen retreat last evening.

So I thought it would be a good time to share some classic church humor.

You have probably seen these before, but every time I run across them they make me smile...

Kids' prayers overheard....

Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.

Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.

And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason was sobbing on the ride home.

Dad: What's wrong, Jason.
Jason: That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys.

A Sunday school teacher was walking with her class to a church service.

Teacher: And why should we be quiet in church?
Smartest lil girl in the class: Because people are sleeping.

A mom was making pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys were arguing over who would get the first pancake.

Mom: If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.
Kevin: Ryan, you be Jesus!

A dad was walking on the the beach with his four-year-old son when they came across a dead seagull.

Son: Daddy, what happened to him?
Dad: He died and went to Heaven.
Son: So why's he here? Did God throw him back down?

I'll have the sampler....

Friday I headed down to Kent with a friend to listen to Dinosaurus Rex.

They were playing at the Outpost.

As always it was a great time.

I also enjoy listening to Third Class

I also like long island iced teas....

Where did that come from? I better back up.

Before heading down to Kent, I promised myself I would not drink too much. My ulcer has been acting up a little and it is a long drive back.

Well, that promise went right out the window after reading the mail.. (thank you Father Dick)

I started out with a Long Island Iced Tea...

Barman: Do you want bottom shelf or top shelf?
Me: It is definitely a top shelf day....
Barman: So...Absolut top shelf...
Me: Its a Grey Goose Night...
Barman: Okay, then.

And then I had another...

And then I decided I should probably eat something....

Barman: Can I get you another LIIT?
Me: Not yet, probably not tonight...Could I get a sampler platter?
Customer: Too bad they do not have a sampler platter of drinks...
Me: Oh, they do...it's called a LIIT...
Customer: Good point. Bartender, I'll have one of those...

I should get a commission for the number of LIITs I talked people into trying that night:)

There was a band that played in between DR and TC that made me glad I had the LIIT.

We decided the lead was just trying too hard to make it all about him and his long hair to do the band any good.

After TC played, I was thinking it was time to head home....

But, I really want to make sure I am sober because Brimtucky police can be real annoying...

Just as I was trying to decide - should I stay or should I go????

Pearl Jam came on...okay, not the Pearl Jam.

But they sure sounded pretty damn good.

And they looked pretty damn good too.

Good ear and eye candy:)

They are Lock 4 and are a pretty good cover band - if you like Pearl Jam, Creed, Seven Mary Three, Red Hot Chili Peppers.....

I got me a coffee (not Irish this time) and a tall cold one (H2O) and enjoyed another hour of sobering up....

Dear Anonymous....

WTF?????

You can stop now...

I am rejecting your comments that are filled with links to ads about Viagara and sex toys....

And NO I am not clicking on the ads!!!!!

Seriously!!!!

Oh Look...

Ads for divorce lawyers are popping up in my AdSense ads...

Thank you Father Dick.

Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Hopefully ads for obtaining free marijuana....

Purely for medicinal purposes of course...

Or, maybe toys...ya know...toys for those of us too smart to have a dick in our lives...

Open Letter to Father Dick....

Dear Father Dick,

I am sorry G-Man did not invite you to the B-W campus visit he scheduled for yesterday.

I encouraged him to.

Even if it was under my breath and out of hearing range.

I am going to take it upon myself to invite you to the football sports award banquet.

I am sure he wants you there...

He just does not want you there all high and smelling like weed and noticeably having the munchies.

I think he can handle the Crocodile Dundee/Little House Pa look.

Just as long as it is not combined with the red eyes, glazed over "I am so proud of you son, now where's the goddamn food" look....

Sincerely,

The (WTF was I thinking when I married you) Mom of our Kids

Thank you Father Dick ...

So, as you may have figured out, I am a member of Humor Bloggers...



Head on over there (after you're done here, of course) and join us as we continue our Anti-Injustice Campaign throughout November.



I was seriously having a wee bit of trouble deciding which injustice in my life I should campaign against.



But thank you Father Dick for making the decision easy.


Let me back up a bit...


My ex is father to all three of my kids....really...sadly...


He left me - or us.


Stupid me did not want the marriage to end....


But every once in a while - more like every few weeks - he does something that totally reminds me that I am glad he left - 'cuz otherwise I may still be serving a life sentence - either with him or in prison for getting rid of him....


The latest little reminder came to a head Friday evening.


Actually, it had its start over the summer - I just did not see it coming...again....


G-Man turned 18 in early October.


Father Dick assumed child support payments would stop at that time; I reminded him (when he mentioned it earlier in the summer) that child support does not stop until the child graduates from high school. He gave me that deer in headlights (or high on weed) look.

I was planning on helping take care of him anyway....(yeah, in your own dick head way)

I made sure when CSEA sent the paperwork, I wrote in G-Man's graduation date and had the school fax the necessary paper work confirming that he is indeed enrolled full-time in school and will graduate in June (unless he becomes a television evangelist before that time).



A couple of weeks after his birthday, I received paperwork acknowleding the court's decision that child support will continue until graduation...



Or so I thought....




Friday, hiding in the stack of mail on the kitchen table, was an envelope from CSEA.



Hmmm...what could this be?



The Obligor (aka Father Dickhead) has challenged the court's ruling about termination of payments. There is a hearing in November and I am welcome to use one of my vacation days to trek to the court house and make my case. Oh, I can bring a lawyer, too.



I read this short note three times, thinking, I must be reading it wrong. Am I the obligor or is he? I did not challenge anything. Why would he - it all seems pretty straight forward.



The kid is in school...he lives with me at least until he graduates - 'cuz it would be kind of tough for him to live on his own while finishing high school.



So, I call the ex....

Hey - how ya doing? Thanks for offering to lend me money to get my car fixed. Luckily it did not cost as much as I feared, so I covered it myself. But thanks for being my backup plan.



No problemo. (say what? are you smokin?)


But I just got this letter from the CSEA. Am I reading it wrong? Do we have a court date?



Yeah, I'm challenging it. I do not think the courts have the right to tell me how to take care of my adult kids.


He's still in high school....


He's taking some college classes...


Through the high school....


He's 18; he's an adult. I'll pay for what he needs; the court has no right to tell me I need to pay you every month....


Yeah....okay...I gotta go....(Click)

OMFG!!!!



So - let's see....



I can go to court and pay a lawyer to come with me so maybe my ex will have to pay me the $3500 that he would have to pay over the next few months if he did not challenge this...



Because, I have absolutely no confidence that the Summit County Courts will rule against him. (This lack of confidence has roots....by the time our divorce was final, you would have though I left him and was the worst Mom in the world.)



Or I can just go to work that day - maybe send a short statement to the courts - and take my chances.



Yeah, $3500 dollars is a lot of money to me - hell $500 is a lot of money to me...



But it is just not worth dealing with Father Dick anymore.




Yeah, Dickhead, you are right. It is an injustice. You should not have to pay me to provide a home (with heat and lights and elcectricity) or groceries or to take care of all the day to day little shit that comes up during senior year in high school...



But wait...what would you know about that???



You did not finish high school,did you? - Okay, not on time anyway...how old were you when you got your GED????



You moved out of your Mom's house senior year because she would not let you live there while you and your friends ran drugs between Ohio and Michigan....



But now I am digressing...



You bring out the worst in me...



Thank you for leaving those many years ago...when G-Man was like 6mos old...



Sorry - there I go again...

The church called today....

Hi Phillipia, we just wanted to remind you that we would like to see you at Mass once in awhile. (okay....)

And by the way, we are happy G-Man has decided to attend the Life-Teen fall retreat again this year. (That makes one of us.)

He is such an inspiration to the other kids...being so popular and all and still high on Jesus. (Is that what he has you believing?)


I gotta tell ya, quite honestly, last year when G-Man informed me that he wanted to attend a retreat, I was a little skeptical.

I figured it was an excuse to spend a weekend with Ames...at my expense.

Oh, and the $70 was due yesterday, so if you can get that to us ASAP... (If you're so happy to have him, why don't you pay him???...or at least pay his way???)

But I played the part of the good parent...

Oh, and don't forget we like parents, friends, relatives to send letters of affirmation to the teens, so if you could get those to us before we go.... (Oh, yeah, that again...)

I was so afraid of not being a good parent last year, that I asked everyone to write him a letter. I mean, it sounded like everyone gets a few letters and I did not want G-Man to be left out....

Turns out he got more letters than anyone...

I guess I over did it...

But he felt special - not that his ego needed any more boosting.

I think I will write a different kind of letter this year.

Dear G-Man:

I am happy you are getting some religion in your life
But, when I come to pick you up Sunday, if you feel the need to keep jumping around and shouting and singing and screaming about being high on Jesus for three hours after the retreat is supposed to be over (yeah, like you did last year), just remember...
As much as I love you, I do not want you to be born again.
You caused me enough problems the first time...

Seriously,
Mom

Dear Phillipia...

I found this in my email box the other day: Of course, I had to reply:

The Evolution of a Goat Closet...

...with apologies to Margaret at NGIP...

I was going to send the graphic your way, but then realized I needed some blog material of my own:)

At Peyton PHlaCe, they (the upper management gods) like to shuffle us peons around quite a bit. I believe my desk is in its 5th location since I started 7-1/2 years ago. And I am one of the slow shufflers.

Anyway, a while after our latest shuffle, one of my coworkers decided to start pulling on door handles to see if they actually opened.

As she pulled on door handle #2 - what did she discover? A closet...A coat closet.

We no longer have to hang our coats on the back of our chairs or on our cubicle wall.

The # of coats in the closet was pretty sparse for a while after we started using it.

So....

Ms. Closet Investigator decided to post a note on the wall next to the doors identifying the "Coat Closet".

A few days later, we noticed that the note had been tampered with....


Cute...

Boys will be boys....

Then today, the unidentified tamperer tampered some more....


Coming soon to a Goat Closet near you....

It's over...

This week has been crazy....

In a bittersweet kind of way...

Thursday was the last pre-game Football dinner - although we were not sure of that at the time.

Thursday, after dinner, was Senior night.

On senior night, the seniors football players sit with their parents on the stage in the auditorium.

In the audience are coaches, other team players, cheerleaders, other relatives....

The seniors each take a turn at the podium, with their parents at their side, and talk for a few minutes about their time playing football at South.

There are 28 Seniors on the '09 team - the most there has been in a long time at Willoughby South High.

Which means it was a looooong night...


If you ever feel the need to watch grown men and teen boys cry, crash a senior night at your local high school.

Coaches were crying; players were crying, Moms and Dads were crying. Babies were crying - maybe not for the same reasons, but ...

Some of the players were crying so hard they could hardly talk...

I think G-Man was wishing he had stuck with soccer - because they do not do this and he would not have had to let everyone see him cry....

But he did good, considering when he first started school many, many years ago, I could not understand a word he said and had to have CareBear interpret until the speech therapy started kicking in...

But I digress...

A couple of the players opted not to prepare ahead of time...

I'd like to thank Marty, the guy that cuts the grass. He does an amazing job. I think of him everytime I go down - like when I tackle someone.. I mean - there's a lot of grass out there to cut. He does a good job. Oh, and thanks to the coaches and my parents, too....

I want to thank my Mom - she cooks and does my laundry and takes care of the kids. And my Dad - he works hard so my Mom has food to cook for me, cuz I eat a lot. And he takes care of the kids. We all eat a lot...

I have only been on the team like two months, 'cuz I am a soccer player and you guys just wanted me for my foot, so I do not have much to say, but thanks....

....and my Mom ...fuck...oh crap, did I say that into the mike...I'm sorry coach....sorry everyone...

Friday Night was the last game of the season...'tho we were not sure of that at the time either.

The Rebels did great - took the PAC conference championship for the second year in a row.

Playoff hopes were high - just needed a few other teams to win so they could get in....

But by the time we met the buses back at the school, playoff hopes were shattered...and we once again got to watch grown boys shed tears...

Which meant that they did not feel like eating much of the hot pizza and snacks we had waiting for them, so the moms, dads, cheerleaders, random parking lot wanderers, all had a feast....

What Halloween Means to Me...

Halloween = Chocolate

It is as simple as that.

Who cares about the costume?...bring home the chocolate...

I always buy bags of candy I like for Halloween Trick or Treaters.

And I always buy way more than I need- just to make sure there are leftovers.

And when the kids were younger, I had a plan B to make sure there were leftovers....

I had the kids stop back home about half-way through their rounds.

I dumped their loot and pulled out what they did not want....

Then I pulled out what I did not want from what they did not want...

And that is what the rest of the trick or treaters knocking at my door got...seconds...

Hey - it was probably their second time around anyway...

When CareBear got old enough to go with her friends to other neighborhoods, I use to get upset with her because she would come home without any candy...

Not a single piece...unless it was in her mouth...

WTF????

I just go for fun, Mom. I do not need all the candy. I just take it
if it is something I really want...

What about ME???

Who bought that costume, anyway, princess CareBear???

Did you not one time think - oh Mom would like that, let me get it for her????

Sorry, Mom. I didn't think....that we needed it...I saw how much you bought...

I love ya CareBear. You are always looking out for me:)

But remember, when it comes to chocolate, there is never too much...

To Grandma's House We Go...

The kids' Dad lives in his Grandma's house, which, according to them, is haunted.

All three kids and some of their friends' have seen the ghosts - yes, more than one - and not just on Halloween...

They have seen an older lady standing at the foot of their bed - too old and pretty and see -through to be a lady friend of their Dad's.

CareBear has watched her door open and close several times during a night when noone else was in the house. She heard it a few more times but did not see it because she was hiding under the covers.

G-Man has been asked by a figure of a small boy to play with him. G-man rudely told the kid to get lost - he was trying to sleep.

Actually, G-Man had a friend visiting the night of that particular vision. At breakfast the next morning he mentioned to his Dad that he saw the ghost again. His friend was all like....

...you mean it was a ghost...I thought you'd think I was crazy if I said I saw a ghost...he was running up and down the hall...

LDBoy lived with Dad in the house during high school. On numerous occasions, he (and his visiting friends) heard footsteps on the stairs - not just the creaking sounds the stairs in an old house make....but heavy footsteps...when his Dad was out of town and noone else was in the house...

Dad has never seen or heard any of this...or so he says...

Of course, the blue smoke constantly emanating from his room may keep even the darkest spirits at bay...

There is a cemetery across the street from the house and there are several infants and small children buried there.

And...

Rumor has it that the county coroner lived in the house before Great Grandma...

And he used the basement as his morgue....

Catch some other more Humorous Halloween Tales of Horror over at the Humor Carnival.....

What???

Your Halloween Costume Should Be Candy Corn

I Don't think so...maybe a lemon, to go with Jose. Or a chocolate bar...but candy corn? Corn of any kind is still a vegetable... Unless it is covered in chocolate. Chocolate Candy Corn... Okay, now we're talking.

What Should You Be For Halloween?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

It's a Halloween Carnival...

Visit my Humor Blogging Buddies all week
for some sweet entertainment...

Trick or Treat Sweet, that is...

Password Protect This...

I have waaaay toooo many passwords.

I have so many that I have a spreadsheet with all of them...

Actually I have two spreadsheets; one for my Peyton PHlace passwords and another for my personal passwords.

These are not small spreadsheets either.

When I print them I use size 6 font so I can fit them on one page...and of course they are harder to read that way.

So anyone looking over my shoulder has to squint pretty hard to see what I am reading...

'Cuz they sure as hell cannot read what I am typing...************

I cannot read what I am typing.

And when I am in the middle of three things, I start typing and forget how far I got or what password I was suppose to be typing and I cannot tell where I was because all I see is *******!!!!!!

Password not recognized...try again.....try again...try again...three tries, you're locked out.

Damn....I really wanted to check my account balance. Oh well.

I believe in password protection, but let me pick my own goddamn password without six levels of security...

Nothing I have or know is worth much of anything to me or anyone else....

Unless someone thinks they can make my negative balances suddenly leap outta the red zone...

So, if it was up to me, I would use the same password for everything: ******

And I would never have to change it....ever.

But nooooo....it is not up to me.

You used that password three years ago, try again.
You used that password two years ago, try again.

Yeah, my password spreadsheets now includes my last six passwords for everything...

And of course the security answers.....

What is the name of your first pet? Hell if I remeber; I think we got the cat and the goldfish on the same day. But the cat lasted longer - does she win?

What was your first car? Clunker POS

What was your paternal grandmother's maiden name? Woah - she always used Grandpa's name. She didn't have her own name. Or was that her name, too. OMG, that's right. My grandpa married his third cousin, twice removed. I did not need to be reminded of that. Damn password security.

Holy Shit....

In the news:

Image Of Virgin Mary Appears In Bird Dropping On Area Family’s Truck

How much do you think this blessed bird shit will sell for on Ebay?

How long do you think before it miraculously appears there?

On a side note, I thought I saw an image in some dog poop in my yard the other day.
After intense scrutiny, I realized it was a footprint. I wanted to believe it was Jesus' or a saint's, but no one else wanted to believe...

That's okay. I did not really want to bag it for sale on Ebay anyway...

I'll find another way to make my millions....

Cat Lady Wisdom

I just finished working (for my day job) a few minutes ago...
It has been a long day.

I woke up with whatever G-Man had the last couple of days (which I originally, incorrectly diagnosed as Senior Skipness).

But there is too much going on at work to take a sick day, so I decided to work from home.

I actually got a boatload of work done, until I fell asleep at the keyboard about 5:00 PM.

I slept until G-Man, sharing child that he is, woke me up as he came in the door from football about 6:30.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah....

So I finished working a few minutes ago and decided to visit Cat Lady's Blog (via Facebook - which I visited first)...

After WTF Wednesday, I decided to click on her fortune cookie widget...because I could use a little wisdom.

Shit, now I forgot what it said exactly, but it was something about a no-legged running teacher...

Which just reminded me that I had an email today from G-Man's track coach (who still does have both legs, btw)...

Apparently G-Man, who hardly ran track last season because of a pulled hamstring, did run enough to qualify for the Indoor Nationals to be held in March of 2010 in Boston, MA.

So there is a parent meeting November 1st to discuss preparing for the meet (no doubt by participating in other indoor meets) and fundraising to cover expenses because none of this is school sponsored.....

All I could think while I was reading was .....aww come on, at least give me a couple of weeks to get over football!

Track is a spring sport...November 1st????

Whatever....

Damn, I almost forgot...

...until you reminded us all on Facebook that it is your half-birthday CareBear.

How nice that you are accepting presents.

Let me know how that works out for you....

As much as I love ya, I do not give half-birthday presents....sorry!

Want to know why???

Because if I give you half-birthday presents, I will feel obligated to give your brothers half-birthday presents...

And they are just too hard to buy for....

And I do not want you to feel obligated to buy me half-birthday presents when mine comes around....

See, I am doing both of us a favor:)

But Happy Half-Birthday anyway to my most beautiful, favorite daughter!!!

Though for the day...

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet
were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, I bet you're wondering now:)

And I am going to wash my hands....

Coincidence?

So I was working along at a pretty good pace this morning when I got a text message from G-Man...

G-Man: I am going to see the nurse.
Me (Pulled nuts going through my head): Why???
G-Man: I am going to throw-up.
Me: Go Fast!

A few minutes later I get a call from the school nurse....

SN: Hi Phillipia...I have your son here.
Me: Did he make it?
SN: What?
Me: Nevermind...is he really sick?
SN: Well, yeah. He looks pretty pale and sick. Can I send him home?
Me: Sure...I'm not there.
SN: He's the 10th person I sent home so far this morning.
Me: Not all to my house, I hope...
SN: What?
Me: Does he have a fever?
SN: No - half the kids had a fever, the others are just ready to vomit. And we have an unconfirmed case of H1N1.
Me: Great - can't you keep him?
SN: What?
Me: Send him home...thanks for the call.

Something was nagging at me throughout this whole conversation but I could not quite put my finger on it...



Until....



A few minutes later I happened to talk to another senior Mom...

OtherMom: My son is home sick today.
Me: Really?
OtherMom: Yeah, he went in for one class.
Me: Why did he go in at all?
OtherMom: He did not want to get in trouble for staying home on senior skip day....
Me: Oh really?

Yeah....that's what it was. G-Man had asked me late last week to call him off today. I refused, being the good Mom I am.



Apparently a lot of other Moms refused, too.



Most of the kids sent home sick were seniors....



Coincidence?



Will we ever really know?

Would you rather....

I sat down the other night after a long day at work, wanting to relax and do a little reading...

Getting all comfy on the couch....

And then I though...a beer sounds good...

So I headed to the fridge and opened the fresh case of Molsen....

As I pulled out a nice cold bottle of brew, I naturally turned it around to read the....

WTF, where'd the label go????

Would you rather have a Molsen without the "Would you rather....label" or a...

I still had the Molsen, but I was pretty depressed the whole time I drank it.

I think I need to make up some labels for the rest of the bottles in the case...

Mud Bowl IV..enough already!

I never thought I would say this, but I am ready for snow.

Because I am tired of watching Friday Night Football in the rain...

Wet cold is much worse than dry or snowy cold.

My body takes a good 24 hours to recover from sitting in a cold rain for 3 hours...

Seriously, I slept til 1:30 PM today...and it is now 9:30 and I my body wants to go back to bed.

Ok, that may be because of that good steak dinner I just got done eating.

I love when the ex's dad is in town...we usually get at least one good family meal at an awesome restaurant. And he is fun to visit with, too - but I digress.

Back to the Mud Bowl....

Again it was worth it.

The Ranger fans were being pretty obnoxious from the time they got to the field. They were screaming and booing throughout the whole South Fight Song AND the National Anthem.

But the fans and the Rangers who were talking smack on the radio last week got pretty quiet after the first 3 Rebel touchdowns...

And Rebels did play with class again...

Except of course when the other guys got a lil nasty. ..

I mean, G-man, when that guy face masked you and then started gouging at your eyes when you were down...if you did not throw him off you, I would've had to come down there myself and do something about it...

NOONE messes with MY baby and gets away with it...

In the third quarter, when I saw the trainer heading my way in the stands, I did get a little concerned. I started scanning the field looking for G-man, but they all look alike covered in mud.

TrainerGirl: G-Man sent me to see if you have any ibuprofen on you...
Me: What'd he do?
TrainerGirl: .......
Me (scanning the field): Is he hurt?
TrainerGirl: In his own words...he thinks he pulled a nut...
Me: What???? I do not need to hear this.
TrainerGirl: That's what I told him...like what's he expect me to do about it?
Me: Well, I do not have any painkillers on me - I was fine til now....
TrainerGirl: I'll get some somewhere.
Me: I think he's fine....

As I look toward the field there is G-man running for an 82-yard touchdown...
Too bad it got called back because someone was holding in the backfield....
Ooops, look like his nut is hurting again....

Til the next run...

Final score: Rebels: 36, Rangers: Nice big fat 0!!!

A good week....

This week has not been nearly as busy as last week...

It could be, but I keep falling asleep as I am trying to work late into the night (or I get distracted and start blogging).


Monday late morning - just as I well telling a coworker that I had absolutely nowhere that I had to be that night - the coach called and asked that I send out a mass email to let the team know that they were going to be on local radio at a local eatery and than on onother program at another local eatery immediately following...

I spoke too soon....

And G-Man being captain (ham) that he is, is usually interviewed on these shows so of course I go watch and listen.

And yes, he made me proud.

MC: So, G-Man, I've known you since you were in 4th grade...hope you
let me be there when you sign for one of those many ccolleges that must be
knocking on your door...
G-Man: If you can get one to knock, I'll sign, and you can watch.
MC: Hmmm, so moving on, then. If you could trade places with anyone in this
room, who would it be?
G-Man (scooting a little farther away from the coach next to him): Coach
Football, because he is the scariest man alive.
MC: Well that's a side of him we do not usually see.
G-Man: That's 'cuz you never played football for him.
MC: True. So who's your hero, G-Man?
G-Man: My Mom.

Awwww....

Moving on to program #2....

Know that it is rival game (aka Civil War) week in Willoughby - the South Rebels vs the North Rangers.

As we walk into the second eatery, the North Rangers are being interviewed. They point to my son as he walks in and start laughing mockingly. I did a double take just to make sure he had all his clothes on - or at least the important ones. I did not see anything missing.

Then I realized that the North players were being all-around smart-assed and cocky up there as they were talking to the reporters.

Reporter: So are you ready for the challenge this week.
Ranger 1: We do not see it as a challenge. We are going to win - no
question about it....
Reporter: Wow - that's a lot of confidence especially since you have not
won this game in the last several years.
Ranger1: But we have a sophomore QB on the team who is awesome.
Reporter: Okay, then. But he cannot do it alone.
Ranger2: We also have a good receiver.
Reporter: Just one????
Ranger 3: No, we will all play.

As I am listening, I whisper to G-Man that he should be the bigger man when he is up there.

No problem, I have 20 pounds and 2-inches on all of them, Mom.

OMG, should I just leave now...wait in the parking lot, maybe?

Reporter: Let's welcome the South Rebels. So Coach Football, what do you
think about the game this week.
CF: Well, it should be fun. Two good teams, playing for the conference
champ. We are working hard to make sure we are ready for it.
Reporter: Do you see it as a challenge?
CF: Everygame is a challenge. We have a great QB, several good backs, a
great offensive line, and a defense that is getting better and better each week
as the season progresses.
Reporter: G-Man, what do you think about the Rangers. They are pretty
confident.
G-Man: It is going to be a fun game. It is the game we most look forward to
all year. They have had some successes this season; we have had some
successes. Two good teams doing battle in our house.

That is right...Coach Football has taught you well...play with class on and off the field.

G-Man had a little more to be proud of this week, too...

Him: Hey Mom, call me out of my off-campus classes Thursday afternoon....
Me: WHY????
Him: Because there is a pep rally at South and then I have to go to the local
paper for an interview because I am Player of the Week.
Me: WHY???
Him: Wow, Thanks, mom.
Me: Not that you do not deserve it...every week in my book...but it usually
goes to the kid with the most TDs and that was not...
Him: Forget it, Mom. I luv you. too.
Me: I didn't mean...
Him: I gotta go...

When am I going to learn to THINK before I put my foot in my mouth....

I KNOW it does not fit...I have tried many, many times...

Oh well....


I do have a feeling the South will rise again this Friday Night in Willoughby.


Go Rebs!

Happy 400th Post To Me:)

This is my 400th post as Phillipia - or as anyone for that matter...

And unless of course you count the couple that I previously deleted because they were offensive to someone who I do not mind offending - but sometimes offensive people do not play fair....but I digress...

And I thought I had 36 followers the other day, but now I am down to 35 - did I offend someone else?

I would apologize but maybe they,too, deserved my offense...

Seriously, I do not intend to offend anyone as Phillipia; I just blog what is in my heart and on the tip of my typing fingers at the moment.

I admit, I do have trouble controlling myself at times...

And I do exaggerate at times - otherwise my posts may not be nearly as funny...

And yes , G-Man, I did send your supplement order off on the day I told you I did, contrary to the day that was posted in my blog....this blog is like a tv show - you cannot believe everything you read. How did you find my blog anyway???

Top Heavy...

Thanks to Chrissy at I Shoulda Been a Stripper for this awesome award...

Yeah, there are rules...and I hate rules.

Rules are made to be broken...

So I am making my own rules with this one...play along:)

Copy and change the answers to to the 35 questions....

You cannot use one word answers! (Breakin' the rules...oh yeah)

Post your answers and let your readers grab the award for themselves. (My rules rule!)

1. Where is your cell phone? Good question...call me so I can find out...

2. Your hair? Clairol#44 with gray roots....ooops

3. Your mother? Ask my brothers....bad answer...ummm...Yes, she is...

4. Your father? "It's my way or the highway"...I kinda like the highway...

5. Your favorite food? Steak with mashed potatoes and mushroom and onion gravy...yum...anyone wanna go grab some food?

6. Your dream last night? Too hot to talk about...night sweats are a bitch.

7. Your favorite drink? Jose chased with White Zin.

8. Your dream/goal? Financial security...or a well-to-do man...who loves me for me...

9. What room are you in? Living Room (as opposed to Dead Room)

10. Your hobby? Writing as Phillipia

11. Your fear? I will never be able to retire...

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? On a beach...

13. Where were you last night? Paninis and Hooley House with the Football Team...

14. Something that you aren't? Happily (or unhappily) married...there is good in everything.

15. Muffins? Chocolate Chocolate Chip and Banana Nut...because if you cannot decide, have them both.

16. Wish list item? Grandkids...just kidding guys...I can wait...

17. Where did you grow up? Willowick - east of Cleveland

18. Last thing you did? Water jog at Bally's - well... then I drove home and then I booted up my laptop and then I started this post...

19. What are you wearing? Comfy PJ's (i.e. old sweats)

20. Your TV? In the basement.

21. Your pets? Not here!!!!! Yay!!!!

22. Friends? Yes, I have a few. Some are reading this post:)

23. Your life? Not exactly the way I thought it would be...but when life gives you lemons, Jose is a godsend:)

24. Your mood? Hyper - it is 1:25 AM and I am blogging...oh crap, I better get some sleep.

25. Missing someone? Do not think so...G-Man, check. CareBear, Kent. LDBoy....

26. Vehicle? Black Ford Taurus

27. Something you’re not wearing? All the clothes in my closet, duh...

28. Your favorite store? If it sells clothes or food it is my favorite...

29. Your favorite color? Midnight Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? 45 minutes ago...

31. Last time you cried? Last Wednesday

32. Your best friend? Wonderful Rose

33. One place that you go to over and over? Peyton PHlaCe...I just cannot stay away...must have something to do with payday...

34. One person who emails you regularly? Susie488....geez, just quit already.

35. Favorite place to eat? On an outdoor patio or deck...

So there you have it...I dare you to play along:)

Open Email....

...to Susie488, Missy669, Kristy1889, and Maggie4123.

Thanks for viewing my Yahoo profile.

But quit emailing me telling me that you think I am cute and you would like to get to know me.

Do I look like a guy to you???? I am NOT a guy in a nun's habit - just in case you were wondering.

Do I look like a lesbian??? I am NOT gay, okay?

I DO NOT like girls in any way that you are suggesting...got it???

Leave me the F alone.

Thank you....

BTW, if you are gay or lesbian, I mean no offense, but I am not - to each his (or her) own...

Mud Bowl III

Week 7 of High School football is in the books...

A steady rain with spotty downpours was the theme...

Granted, moms do not have to wash the mud out of the uniforms...but what about protection for what's underneath the uniforms?

And I am not talking about bodies. If they wore enough protection for that, the players they could not walk, let alone run.

I mean the underwear. G-Man's white underarmour is now shitty brown - even OxyClean can only do so much.

But it was worth it...

Week 6 was the second week of PAC Conference play - Rebels are now 2-0 in that arena.

Week 6 was homecoming weekend in Willoughby. The girls on court had to battle the rain in their nice clothes - but not the guys - they needed to keep their game face on....

And the game face worked...with that win the rebels are now ranked 9th in division 1 Region 1. Move up one more spot and hold it and Willoughby could see some post-season action.

The 8-step program...

I have been pretty busy lately and have not made it to Bally's for a few days.

I mentioned this to one of my older friends.

She responded by sending me the 8-step exercise program she has been working on since she turned 50 a couple months ago...

1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides.
3. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
4. Each day hold this position for just a bit longer.
5. After two weeks, use 10-lb potato bags.
6. After two more weeks try 50-lb potato bags.
7. By 6 weeks you should be able to lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
8. After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.

Remembering a good man...

Art Reeves, you were a good man...

Of all my ex-in-laws, you were my favorite.

You did not judge, but had a strong sense of right and wrong.

You had a good heart, a great sense of humor, and an awesome love for life.

You could party with the best of them:)

Which is why LDBoy went ahead with plans to take G-man out on his 18th birthday even tho it was the day after you passed and the day before your wake.

"Grandpa Art would have wanted us to do this; let's not disappoint him."

From what I heard, the boys made you proud.

And yes, I will make sure G-man gets to enough classes and practices this week so he can play Friday night, because you would have wanted that, too. (Even tho in the last few months you had him confused with someone name Greg who runs touchdowns for THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY...)

I will never forget all you did for us as a young couple with young children. You helped us in so many ways. The kids always loved the times they spent with you.

And you have been there for them as they have grown.

I have never seen G-man cry so hard as he did when I had to tell him the sad news of your passing.

This week, so many fond memories of times past have been going through my mind, bringing smiles and tears...

I will share just one of my many favorite stories...

...Late one night you came in after the Akron PD had wanted to arrest you and your prank-playing friends for trespassing on the local golf course, but apparently you had decided not to renew your license EVER and so the BMV had just finally assumed you had passed away (quite a few years back).... as you retold the story, when the police dispatch told the would-be arresting officers that they were looking at a dead man - well, the whites of their eyes were all you could see that late at night and they let you and your friends go on your way....

Thank you, Art, for all you gave...to everyone who came into your life...

May you rest in peace.

Happy Birthday, G-Man...

Wow...My baby is 18 today. I should be happy but I am kind of sad.

I love being a Mom.

G-man, you make being a Mom fun....

Well except for the first few years when you were a living terror and we wondered who spawned you or if I took the wrong baby home...

You could cause some damage with a whiffle bat - and putting beads up your nose - what was that about?

But that is behind you (and us) now - thank the Lord.

You went from holy terror to holy shit that kid can play ball - any kind of ball. Three sports at a time, running me ragged trying to keep up with you.

You matured (physically) faster than any kid I know. I learned to keep your birth certificate close at hand to prove that you could not drive yourself to the game no matter what the opposing coach implied..

And that 16-yr old lifeguard we caught you with when you were 12 - geez! What were you thinking? Don't answer that...

Look at you now...

The last four years it has been just you and me (and all your friends) at home and I think we make a good team. We look out for each other...(BTW, thanks for caring enough to give every guy I go out with the third degree, but you can ease up a bit, ok? I know I find the biggest assholes, but still...)

I am happy for you for all you have accomplished and proud of who you are.

It is going to be a bittersweet year for me...

For you, I hope this year is full of health, happiness, fond farewells, and exciting new opportunities.

I love you G-Man.

Mud Bowl II

Week 6 of High School Football in Northeast Ohio...

It had been raining all week...

But by Friday afternoon the sun was shining and the sky was blue.

I checked the weather for Madison -the evening will be cloudy with a 10% chance of rain.

Cool - no need for an umbrella or poncho -good thing, too, cuz I just realized they are all in G-Man's car. (I knew I forgot to do something in the morning.)

The ride to Madison was uneventful...well except for that scary looking dude I ran into at the Sheetz who was looking at me kind of ...well, just scary.

At the field, as I got out of the car to walk to the stands it started to drizzle...no big deal - a few drops here and there.

Well, I think the forcaster missed a zero when he predicited that 10% chance of rain, cuz by the time I got to my seat, I was drenched. Three times.

Thanks for pushing that poncho in my direction Coach Meghan!

The players let up a whoop like they were happy for the rain. What the heck? Do they like rolling around in the mud?

It rained pretty steady the whole game with a few spotty torrential downpours.

I think G-Man had a passing TD and a rushing TD - at least the announcer said it was him, I couldn't tell; they all look alike caked in mud; he's usually the white running back, but not this game.

It took me a couple hours to get warm and dry once we got back home.

It took G-Man a couple of showers to get the mud off of him...it was still in the tub, tho. Thanks, bud.

Shuffle this...

I was tagged to do this on Facebook and figured I'd join in the fun:)

(1) Turn on your MP3 - or in my case my playlist on Windows Media Player.

(2) Go to SHUFFLE songs mode.

(3) Write down the first 15 songs that come up--song title and artist--NO editing/cheating -- no matter how many Barry Manilow songs play...

(4) Choose a group of people to be send this on to. I am just sharing with all my readers...And hoping some of you will try this and leave your list in my comments section or posted on your blog....

Here are my songs...
1. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
2. Holly Holy - Neil Diamond
3. I will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
4. It Just Won't Quit - Meat Loaf
5. Stuck With You - Huey Lewis
6. Still the Same - Bob Seger
7. Baby Hold On - Eddie Money
8. Shelter Me - Joe Cocker
9. Cracklin' Rosie - Neil Diamond
10. My Generation - The Who
11. And When I Die - Blood, Sweat, & Tears
12. Night Moves - Bob Seger
13. Love Me Two Times - The Doors
14. Centerfold - J. Geils Band
15. Right Now - Van Halen

What happened to Bruce, the Boss, he is all over my playlist....really...gotta fix that shuffle.

Taylor Swift...

Tonight G-Man has a date...

His girlfriend has tickets to see Taylor Swift.

He is pretty excited about it.

LDBoy did not understand his excitement.

LDBoy: You're prolly going to be one of the only guys there!
G-Man: Your point?
LDBoy: Ahh...