Weekend Past Part II

If you read my previous post, you know I did not do a bit of work Saturday....

Which means I really needed to get into the office Sunday to avoid missing the "by the time you get in Monday" deadline I had set for myself.

Note to self: quit setting deadlines that depend on network connectivity and other things outside of your control....

Such as three hour visits to the ER.

Thank you, G-man.

Yeah - football IS over.

Who would have though indoor soccer could get so violent...

G-man joined to soccer teams this session.

One played at 9:00 AM Sunday Morning. I met G-man at the field as he spent the night at a friend's.

And I sorta got the feeling that if he would have gotten hurt during that 9:00 AM game, he would have felt no pain.

He looked as if he had been up playing ping-pong most of the night.

After that game, I headed to work and then met him back at the field for a 5:00 PM game.

I debated missing that game as I was rolling along pretty good at work.

But after 5 hours of Sunday at the office, I figured I deserved a break.

I got a longer break than expected.

A few minutes into the game and G-Man collided with another player. I did not see the collision as I was at the other end of the field and some people just do not understand the logistics of sitting on the bleachers rather than standing in front of them and blocking everyone else's view.

In fact, I did not even know it involved G-man, because the next time I saw him - about 2 seconds after I heard the loud crash and felt the vibration of bodies hitting the glass walls - he was still playing the field.

And then I saw the ref tell him to leave the field - or at least that is what he seemed to be saying. I am thinking he got carded for playing so rough.

I head down to see what was going on - as he is heading to the concession stand.

Me: What happened?

Him: Nothing.

Me: Why'd you come out of the game?

Him: The ref told me to.

Me: You're bleeding....

Him: Oh yeah. He said I was bleeding.

Me: Are you okay?

Him: Yeah, I'm fine.

Me: Your nose is bleeding and your lip looks split.

Him: Yeah, I need ice from the concession stand.

Me: Did you hit your head on the wall.

Him: I don't know.

Me: You don't know??? I know you have a hard head, but didn't you feel it hit.

Him: What???? I need to get back in there.

And with that he went back into the field.

Not to play - thank you Coach Rick.

Oh he did try to play again, but Coach pulled him right back off. Of which he still has no recollection.

After the game, he was pretty quiet but said he was fine and was going to heat to Life teen at the church.

I followed him because I was not so sure he was fine.

He made it to the church ok and I headed back to work.

That was a mistake. The network had slowed down to a creepy crawl.

It took a good half hour for my system to boot up and then I my cursor was having a tough time keeping up with my 5 word per minute lightning fast keyboarding skills.

Within an hour I was so frustrated I was contemplating just shutting down and heading home...

Then the call came.

This is NurseC. I help at Life Teen and I am heading to the ER with G-man. He is not right. Tell me something I don't know.

Do you want to meet us there? Contemplation over...I'm outta here - thank you G-Man.

Three hours later, a CT scan, an x-ray, a prescription for an antibiotic for the split lip, a visit from a priest in case he needed last rites (not funny, Father Andy)...

Your son is fine, Phillipia. It is just a concussion...

The x-ray showed that nothing is broken in his face.
The CT scan found his pea-size brain and it is in tact.
Give him a few days to come to his senses - call us if he doesn't...
Oh...and you can wake him up every couple hours just to annoy him if you want...

Oh, it was a fun couple hours after that,

Ames and I took turns messing with ConcussionBoy.

Me: Wasn't that a great dinner before the game?

ConcussionBoy: What dinner?

Me: I made your favorite shrimp and pierogies.

Ames: And I made you homemade chocolate chip cookies.

ConcussionBoy: Really?

Me: What did you do with the $50 dollars I gave you for gas money.

ConcussionBoy: I don't know...did I get gas???

Ames: You always get gas...

ConcussionBoy: Did you give me lunch money for this week, too?

Me: Don't tell me you lost it already...

ConcussionBoy: Did we win the game?

Me: you scored, remember? for the other team....

ConcussionBoy: No way!

Ames: They kicked you out of the game.

ConcussionBoy: Were you there?

Ames: The whole time.

Back to reality....

Weekend Past Part I

I have been extremely busy at work.

There is so much that needs done before the end of the year.

I have been working late every night and more than a few hours on the weekends.

I was suppose to take a few vacation days this month, but there is so much to do that it would not be a very relaxing vacation...

So I'll just put those off til next month - or next year....

But in between work I do find time to relax and/or spend time with the family.

Some of that relaxing time is with the family.

Some of the family time is relaxing.

Saturday afternoon CareBear and KB visited with my granddog Taz and we watched the Buckeyes kick Michigan's Blue Butt...Go Bucks!!! Sorry, KB - not!

And CareBear and I baked mint brownies...

Twice...

We were not paying attention when we whipped up the first two batches and mixed up the amounts of oil and water....

I am sure the two bottles of wine we were sharing had absolutely nothing to do with our little mix-up.

Then we made some cheesecake.

We mixed some mini chocolate chips in some Philladelphia Cream Cheesecake Filling and spooned it into Keebler Graham Cracker crusts.

And we did it right the first time.

Yay us.

It was a Mom and daughter bonding Saturday afternoon.

As KB watched from the living room, shaking his head.

But he did eat the cheesecake.

And he liked it.

As did my Mom and Dad.

Mom and Dad joined us for dinner.

I am lucky in that my parents are still fairly healthy and can still drive short distances - or long distances if they are going somewhere they want to be - like a church service on the other side of the state.

Neither have symptoms of dimentia yet...

Although when you meet my Dad for the first time, it is easy to confuse his storytelling personality for a progressive case of dimentia. He likes to tell you the same story over and over again and again just in case you did not get what he was saying the first 60 times.

But that's okay; we have learned to deal with his story telling in small doses. We just take turns listening and acting like it is the first time we are hearing it.

Because no matter how many times you tell him you heard the story before, he does not hear that and feels the need to re-tell it - over and over again.

Yeah, that explains why CareBear and I were imbibing earlier in the day. We were preparing for family time:)

My parents mean well and we love them and enjoy their company - especially when fully loaded.

Not a healthy year

My ex-mom-in-law was supposed to have open heart surgery yesterday.

But she is so frail her doctor will not risk it.

Sadly, he gave her under 6 months to live as her heart is only working at 10%.

She is not my favorite ex in-law because....well, she raised the ex and he is a lot like her.

But she is grandma to my kids and she has always been good to them and to me in her own way.

I know the next few months are going to be rough on the kids and their dad.

Mom was a nurse and a stickler for healthy eating habits and a germaphobe.

Unfortunately, if she could have brought herself to eat "better" (i.e, more) in the last few months and put on some weight, she would probably be able to have the needed surgery and recover to spend a few more years with her family.

I am at the opposite end of the spectrum. I enjoy food and try not to worry about the calories or fat count. If I did, I would probably be in much better shape - although I do have round down pretty good.

I struggle to stay away from chips and salty foods because of my BP, but I do not always win that struggle. Ruggles chips and french onion dip...mmmmm....I am getting a craving just thinking about them.

A co-worker has been in the hospital for over a week now with what the doctors originally diagnosed as pneumonia.

She is on the road to recovery, thankfully.

She is a good person and a joy to work with...

However, she too is a germaphobe.

Which could be why her body had so much trouble fighting off the infection that decided to invade it...

Lately, everytime I think of her and mom, I want to suggest that maybe they could have taken this doc's advice....

Doc backs nose picking

But I don't...

Because...

This is probably a good a time as any to keep my thoughts to myself.

For my security...

I love my mail.com account.

I have had it for years.

Before I was Phillipia....

Before I knew what blogging was...

Before Yahoo and AIM and GMail were popular (or at least before I knew about them)...

It was customized for me, by me (FMBM)...

Yes, I love my mail.com account.

MOST of the time...

But not when it logs me out for no gd good reason other than....

You have been logged in for 5 hours so we are logging you out for security reasons - to ensure that noone else can access your account...to log back in, click HERE....

Mind you, I have not been INACTIVE for five hours, I have just been logged in....

But here's the real kicker...

When I click HERE to log back in...

My account name and password do not need to be re-entered....

They are staring me in the face....

Account name: 5hourlager Password:******

So anyone smart enough to click Sign In can get to all of my email....

Real secure mail.com....

Real secure...

I love to read....

...as you know if you know me at all.

I love to read your blog posts.

I love to read mysteries...

and historical romances ....

and short stories...

It is not too often that I cannot find something within easy reach that I will enjoy reading...

If I cannot find a damn thing I would read...

Then I must be in the....


Thanks, J, for sharing:)

At least we have the Cavs....

Yeah...

You know what I mean...

Good looks does not a good QB make...damn.

I left work early for this???

Well not early - after being there 11 hours, and finally on a really good roll the last 3 of them, I decided I would call it a night so I could get home in times to see the Browns...

LOSE....

AGAIN...

To the RAVENS....

UGH!!!!

On another note...good looks does a good officer of the law make:)

Yesterday, I got to Life Teen camp to attend Mass and give G-Man a ride home.

Well, I was sitting in my car texting another camper's Mom to see how close to camp she was...

And as I am texting I get out of the car, press the lock button, slam the door and immediately realize my keys are still in there...

Both sets...

Although the second set would not do me much good no matter where it was.

It went through the washer the other day and is bent totally useless.

And there is the first set, still in the ignition.

I figured I might as well attend Mass and pray that by the time Mass is over my door will be magically (or miraculously) unlocked.

No such luck (or miracle).

I thing Jesus was too busy in the emergency room with the camper who fell over backwards and busted his head open....

After one of the camp coordinators tried with no luck to unlock the door, I was forced to put in a distress call to the local PD. No, I did not call 911, oh ye of lil faith.

But I gotta tell ya, the Moreland Hills PD are fast (as in responsive) and hot (as in hot).

It took them no time to get to my car and just a little more time to get me in.

What nifty tools they have for forced entry:)

Oooops...

Even the Boss makes mistakes...




I have to believe he was hoping if he said it enough, he would be back in Ohio...

'Cuz who in hell can mistake Michigan for Ohio? (sorry, K)

Weekend Humor...

I dropped G-Man off for Life-Teen retreat last evening.

So I thought it would be a good time to share some classic church humor.

You have probably seen these before, but every time I run across them they make me smile...

Kids' prayers overheard....

Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.

Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.

And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason was sobbing on the ride home.

Dad: What's wrong, Jason.
Jason: That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys.

A Sunday school teacher was walking with her class to a church service.

Teacher: And why should we be quiet in church?
Smartest lil girl in the class: Because people are sleeping.

A mom was making pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys were arguing over who would get the first pancake.

Mom: If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.
Kevin: Ryan, you be Jesus!

A dad was walking on the the beach with his four-year-old son when they came across a dead seagull.

Son: Daddy, what happened to him?
Dad: He died and went to Heaven.
Son: So why's he here? Did God throw him back down?

I'll have the sampler....

Friday I headed down to Kent with a friend to listen to Dinosaurus Rex.

They were playing at the Outpost.

As always it was a great time.

I also enjoy listening to Third Class

I also like long island iced teas....

Where did that come from? I better back up.

Before heading down to Kent, I promised myself I would not drink too much. My ulcer has been acting up a little and it is a long drive back.

Well, that promise went right out the window after reading the mail.. (thank you Father Dick)

I started out with a Long Island Iced Tea...

Barman: Do you want bottom shelf or top shelf?
Me: It is definitely a top shelf day....
Barman: So...Absolut top shelf...
Me: Its a Grey Goose Night...
Barman: Okay, then.

And then I had another...

And then I decided I should probably eat something....

Barman: Can I get you another LIIT?
Me: Not yet, probably not tonight...Could I get a sampler platter?
Customer: Too bad they do not have a sampler platter of drinks...
Me: Oh, they do...it's called a LIIT...
Customer: Good point. Bartender, I'll have one of those...

I should get a commission for the number of LIITs I talked people into trying that night:)

There was a band that played in between DR and TC that made me glad I had the LIIT.

We decided the lead was just trying too hard to make it all about him and his long hair to do the band any good.

After TC played, I was thinking it was time to head home....

But, I really want to make sure I am sober because Brimtucky police can be real annoying...

Just as I was trying to decide - should I stay or should I go????

Pearl Jam came on...okay, not the Pearl Jam.

But they sure sounded pretty damn good.

And they looked pretty damn good too.

Good ear and eye candy:)

They are Lock 4 and are a pretty good cover band - if you like Pearl Jam, Creed, Seven Mary Three, Red Hot Chili Peppers.....

I got me a coffee (not Irish this time) and a tall cold one (H2O) and enjoyed another hour of sobering up....

Dear Anonymous....

WTF?????

You can stop now...

I am rejecting your comments that are filled with links to ads about Viagara and sex toys....

And NO I am not clicking on the ads!!!!!

Seriously!!!!

Oh Look...

Ads for divorce lawyers are popping up in my AdSense ads...

Thank you Father Dick.

Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Hopefully ads for obtaining free marijuana....

Purely for medicinal purposes of course...

Or, maybe toys...ya know...toys for those of us too smart to have a dick in our lives...

Open Letter to Father Dick....

Dear Father Dick,

I am sorry G-Man did not invite you to the B-W campus visit he scheduled for yesterday.

I encouraged him to.

Even if it was under my breath and out of hearing range.

I am going to take it upon myself to invite you to the football sports award banquet.

I am sure he wants you there...

He just does not want you there all high and smelling like weed and noticeably having the munchies.

I think he can handle the Crocodile Dundee/Little House Pa look.

Just as long as it is not combined with the red eyes, glazed over "I am so proud of you son, now where's the goddamn food" look....

Sincerely,

The (WTF was I thinking when I married you) Mom of our Kids

Thank you Father Dick ...

So, as you may have figured out, I am a member of Humor Bloggers...



Head on over there (after you're done here, of course) and join us as we continue our Anti-Injustice Campaign throughout November.



I was seriously having a wee bit of trouble deciding which injustice in my life I should campaign against.



But thank you Father Dick for making the decision easy.


Let me back up a bit...


My ex is father to all three of my kids....really...sadly...


He left me - or us.


Stupid me did not want the marriage to end....


But every once in a while - more like every few weeks - he does something that totally reminds me that I am glad he left - 'cuz otherwise I may still be serving a life sentence - either with him or in prison for getting rid of him....


The latest little reminder came to a head Friday evening.


Actually, it had its start over the summer - I just did not see it coming...again....


G-Man turned 18 in early October.


Father Dick assumed child support payments would stop at that time; I reminded him (when he mentioned it earlier in the summer) that child support does not stop until the child graduates from high school. He gave me that deer in headlights (or high on weed) look.

I was planning on helping take care of him anyway....(yeah, in your own dick head way)

I made sure when CSEA sent the paperwork, I wrote in G-Man's graduation date and had the school fax the necessary paper work confirming that he is indeed enrolled full-time in school and will graduate in June (unless he becomes a television evangelist before that time).



A couple of weeks after his birthday, I received paperwork acknowleding the court's decision that child support will continue until graduation...



Or so I thought....




Friday, hiding in the stack of mail on the kitchen table, was an envelope from CSEA.



Hmmm...what could this be?



The Obligor (aka Father Dickhead) has challenged the court's ruling about termination of payments. There is a hearing in November and I am welcome to use one of my vacation days to trek to the court house and make my case. Oh, I can bring a lawyer, too.



I read this short note three times, thinking, I must be reading it wrong. Am I the obligor or is he? I did not challenge anything. Why would he - it all seems pretty straight forward.



The kid is in school...he lives with me at least until he graduates - 'cuz it would be kind of tough for him to live on his own while finishing high school.



So, I call the ex....

Hey - how ya doing? Thanks for offering to lend me money to get my car fixed. Luckily it did not cost as much as I feared, so I covered it myself. But thanks for being my backup plan.



No problemo. (say what? are you smokin?)


But I just got this letter from the CSEA. Am I reading it wrong? Do we have a court date?



Yeah, I'm challenging it. I do not think the courts have the right to tell me how to take care of my adult kids.


He's still in high school....


He's taking some college classes...


Through the high school....


He's 18; he's an adult. I'll pay for what he needs; the court has no right to tell me I need to pay you every month....


Yeah....okay...I gotta go....(Click)

OMFG!!!!



So - let's see....



I can go to court and pay a lawyer to come with me so maybe my ex will have to pay me the $3500 that he would have to pay over the next few months if he did not challenge this...



Because, I have absolutely no confidence that the Summit County Courts will rule against him. (This lack of confidence has roots....by the time our divorce was final, you would have though I left him and was the worst Mom in the world.)



Or I can just go to work that day - maybe send a short statement to the courts - and take my chances.



Yeah, $3500 dollars is a lot of money to me - hell $500 is a lot of money to me...



But it is just not worth dealing with Father Dick anymore.




Yeah, Dickhead, you are right. It is an injustice. You should not have to pay me to provide a home (with heat and lights and elcectricity) or groceries or to take care of all the day to day little shit that comes up during senior year in high school...



But wait...what would you know about that???



You did not finish high school,did you? - Okay, not on time anyway...how old were you when you got your GED????



You moved out of your Mom's house senior year because she would not let you live there while you and your friends ran drugs between Ohio and Michigan....



But now I am digressing...



You bring out the worst in me...



Thank you for leaving those many years ago...when G-Man was like 6mos old...



Sorry - there I go again...

The church called today....

Hi Phillipia, we just wanted to remind you that we would like to see you at Mass once in awhile. (okay....)

And by the way, we are happy G-Man has decided to attend the Life-Teen fall retreat again this year. (That makes one of us.)

He is such an inspiration to the other kids...being so popular and all and still high on Jesus. (Is that what he has you believing?)


I gotta tell ya, quite honestly, last year when G-Man informed me that he wanted to attend a retreat, I was a little skeptical.

I figured it was an excuse to spend a weekend with Ames...at my expense.

Oh, and the $70 was due yesterday, so if you can get that to us ASAP... (If you're so happy to have him, why don't you pay him???...or at least pay his way???)

But I played the part of the good parent...

Oh, and don't forget we like parents, friends, relatives to send letters of affirmation to the teens, so if you could get those to us before we go.... (Oh, yeah, that again...)

I was so afraid of not being a good parent last year, that I asked everyone to write him a letter. I mean, it sounded like everyone gets a few letters and I did not want G-Man to be left out....

Turns out he got more letters than anyone...

I guess I over did it...

But he felt special - not that his ego needed any more boosting.

I think I will write a different kind of letter this year.

Dear G-Man:

I am happy you are getting some religion in your life
But, when I come to pick you up Sunday, if you feel the need to keep jumping around and shouting and singing and screaming about being high on Jesus for three hours after the retreat is supposed to be over (yeah, like you did last year), just remember...
As much as I love you, I do not want you to be born again.
You caused me enough problems the first time...

Seriously,
Mom

Dear Phillipia...

I found this in my email box the other day: Of course, I had to reply:

The Evolution of a Goat Closet...

...with apologies to Margaret at NGIP...

I was going to send the graphic your way, but then realized I needed some blog material of my own:)

At Peyton PHlaCe, they (the upper management gods) like to shuffle us peons around quite a bit. I believe my desk is in its 5th location since I started 7-1/2 years ago. And I am one of the slow shufflers.

Anyway, a while after our latest shuffle, one of my coworkers decided to start pulling on door handles to see if they actually opened.

As she pulled on door handle #2 - what did she discover? A closet...A coat closet.

We no longer have to hang our coats on the back of our chairs or on our cubicle wall.

The # of coats in the closet was pretty sparse for a while after we started using it.

So....

Ms. Closet Investigator decided to post a note on the wall next to the doors identifying the "Coat Closet".

A few days later, we noticed that the note had been tampered with....


Cute...

Boys will be boys....

Then today, the unidentified tamperer tampered some more....


Coming soon to a Goat Closet near you....

It's over...

This week has been crazy....

In a bittersweet kind of way...

Thursday was the last pre-game Football dinner - although we were not sure of that at the time.

Thursday, after dinner, was Senior night.

On senior night, the seniors football players sit with their parents on the stage in the auditorium.

In the audience are coaches, other team players, cheerleaders, other relatives....

The seniors each take a turn at the podium, with their parents at their side, and talk for a few minutes about their time playing football at South.

There are 28 Seniors on the '09 team - the most there has been in a long time at Willoughby South High.

Which means it was a looooong night...


If you ever feel the need to watch grown men and teen boys cry, crash a senior night at your local high school.

Coaches were crying; players were crying, Moms and Dads were crying. Babies were crying - maybe not for the same reasons, but ...

Some of the players were crying so hard they could hardly talk...

I think G-Man was wishing he had stuck with soccer - because they do not do this and he would not have had to let everyone see him cry....

But he did good, considering when he first started school many, many years ago, I could not understand a word he said and had to have CareBear interpret until the speech therapy started kicking in...

But I digress...

A couple of the players opted not to prepare ahead of time...

I'd like to thank Marty, the guy that cuts the grass. He does an amazing job. I think of him everytime I go down - like when I tackle someone.. I mean - there's a lot of grass out there to cut. He does a good job. Oh, and thanks to the coaches and my parents, too....

I want to thank my Mom - she cooks and does my laundry and takes care of the kids. And my Dad - he works hard so my Mom has food to cook for me, cuz I eat a lot. And he takes care of the kids. We all eat a lot...

I have only been on the team like two months, 'cuz I am a soccer player and you guys just wanted me for my foot, so I do not have much to say, but thanks....

....and my Mom ...fuck...oh crap, did I say that into the mike...I'm sorry coach....sorry everyone...

Friday Night was the last game of the season...'tho we were not sure of that at the time either.

The Rebels did great - took the PAC conference championship for the second year in a row.

Playoff hopes were high - just needed a few other teams to win so they could get in....

But by the time we met the buses back at the school, playoff hopes were shattered...and we once again got to watch grown boys shed tears...

Which meant that they did not feel like eating much of the hot pizza and snacks we had waiting for them, so the moms, dads, cheerleaders, random parking lot wanderers, all had a feast....

What Halloween Means to Me...

Halloween = Chocolate

It is as simple as that.

Who cares about the costume?...bring home the chocolate...

I always buy bags of candy I like for Halloween Trick or Treaters.

And I always buy way more than I need- just to make sure there are leftovers.

And when the kids were younger, I had a plan B to make sure there were leftovers....

I had the kids stop back home about half-way through their rounds.

I dumped their loot and pulled out what they did not want....

Then I pulled out what I did not want from what they did not want...

And that is what the rest of the trick or treaters knocking at my door got...seconds...

Hey - it was probably their second time around anyway...

When CareBear got old enough to go with her friends to other neighborhoods, I use to get upset with her because she would come home without any candy...

Not a single piece...unless it was in her mouth...

WTF????

I just go for fun, Mom. I do not need all the candy. I just take it
if it is something I really want...

What about ME???

Who bought that costume, anyway, princess CareBear???

Did you not one time think - oh Mom would like that, let me get it for her????

Sorry, Mom. I didn't think....that we needed it...I saw how much you bought...

I love ya CareBear. You are always looking out for me:)

But remember, when it comes to chocolate, there is never too much...

To Grandma's House We Go...

The kids' Dad lives in his Grandma's house, which, according to them, is haunted.

All three kids and some of their friends' have seen the ghosts - yes, more than one - and not just on Halloween...

They have seen an older lady standing at the foot of their bed - too old and pretty and see -through to be a lady friend of their Dad's.

CareBear has watched her door open and close several times during a night when noone else was in the house. She heard it a few more times but did not see it because she was hiding under the covers.

G-Man has been asked by a figure of a small boy to play with him. G-man rudely told the kid to get lost - he was trying to sleep.

Actually, G-Man had a friend visiting the night of that particular vision. At breakfast the next morning he mentioned to his Dad that he saw the ghost again. His friend was all like....

...you mean it was a ghost...I thought you'd think I was crazy if I said I saw a ghost...he was running up and down the hall...

LDBoy lived with Dad in the house during high school. On numerous occasions, he (and his visiting friends) heard footsteps on the stairs - not just the creaking sounds the stairs in an old house make....but heavy footsteps...when his Dad was out of town and noone else was in the house...

Dad has never seen or heard any of this...or so he says...

Of course, the blue smoke constantly emanating from his room may keep even the darkest spirits at bay...

There is a cemetery across the street from the house and there are several infants and small children buried there.

And...

Rumor has it that the county coroner lived in the house before Great Grandma...

And he used the basement as his morgue....

Catch some other more Humorous Halloween Tales of Horror over at the Humor Carnival.....

What???

Your Halloween Costume Should Be Candy Corn

I Don't think so...maybe a lemon, to go with Jose. Or a chocolate bar...but candy corn? Corn of any kind is still a vegetable... Unless it is covered in chocolate. Chocolate Candy Corn... Okay, now we're talking.

What Should You Be For Halloween?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

It's a Halloween Carnival...

Visit my Humor Blogging Buddies all week
for some sweet entertainment...

Trick or Treat Sweet, that is...

Password Protect This...

I have waaaay toooo many passwords.

I have so many that I have a spreadsheet with all of them...

Actually I have two spreadsheets; one for my Peyton PHlace passwords and another for my personal passwords.

These are not small spreadsheets either.

When I print them I use size 6 font so I can fit them on one page...and of course they are harder to read that way.

So anyone looking over my shoulder has to squint pretty hard to see what I am reading...

'Cuz they sure as hell cannot read what I am typing...************

I cannot read what I am typing.

And when I am in the middle of three things, I start typing and forget how far I got or what password I was suppose to be typing and I cannot tell where I was because all I see is *******!!!!!!

Password not recognized...try again.....try again...try again...three tries, you're locked out.

Damn....I really wanted to check my account balance. Oh well.

I believe in password protection, but let me pick my own goddamn password without six levels of security...

Nothing I have or know is worth much of anything to me or anyone else....

Unless someone thinks they can make my negative balances suddenly leap outta the red zone...

So, if it was up to me, I would use the same password for everything: ******

And I would never have to change it....ever.

But nooooo....it is not up to me.

You used that password three years ago, try again.
You used that password two years ago, try again.

Yeah, my password spreadsheets now includes my last six passwords for everything...

And of course the security answers.....

What is the name of your first pet? Hell if I remeber; I think we got the cat and the goldfish on the same day. But the cat lasted longer - does she win?

What was your first car? Clunker POS

What was your paternal grandmother's maiden name? Woah - she always used Grandpa's name. She didn't have her own name. Or was that her name, too. OMG, that's right. My grandpa married his third cousin, twice removed. I did not need to be reminded of that. Damn password security.

Holy Shit....

In the news:

Image Of Virgin Mary Appears In Bird Dropping On Area Family’s Truck

How much do you think this blessed bird shit will sell for on Ebay?

How long do you think before it miraculously appears there?

On a side note, I thought I saw an image in some dog poop in my yard the other day.
After intense scrutiny, I realized it was a footprint. I wanted to believe it was Jesus' or a saint's, but no one else wanted to believe...

That's okay. I did not really want to bag it for sale on Ebay anyway...

I'll find another way to make my millions....

Cat Lady Wisdom

I just finished working (for my day job) a few minutes ago...
It has been a long day.

I woke up with whatever G-Man had the last couple of days (which I originally, incorrectly diagnosed as Senior Skipness).

But there is too much going on at work to take a sick day, so I decided to work from home.

I actually got a boatload of work done, until I fell asleep at the keyboard about 5:00 PM.

I slept until G-Man, sharing child that he is, woke me up as he came in the door from football about 6:30.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah....

So I finished working a few minutes ago and decided to visit Cat Lady's Blog (via Facebook - which I visited first)...

After WTF Wednesday, I decided to click on her fortune cookie widget...because I could use a little wisdom.

Shit, now I forgot what it said exactly, but it was something about a no-legged running teacher...

Which just reminded me that I had an email today from G-Man's track coach (who still does have both legs, btw)...

Apparently G-Man, who hardly ran track last season because of a pulled hamstring, did run enough to qualify for the Indoor Nationals to be held in March of 2010 in Boston, MA.

So there is a parent meeting November 1st to discuss preparing for the meet (no doubt by participating in other indoor meets) and fundraising to cover expenses because none of this is school sponsored.....

All I could think while I was reading was .....aww come on, at least give me a couple of weeks to get over football!

Track is a spring sport...November 1st????

Whatever....

Damn, I almost forgot...

...until you reminded us all on Facebook that it is your half-birthday CareBear.

How nice that you are accepting presents.

Let me know how that works out for you....

As much as I love ya, I do not give half-birthday presents....sorry!

Want to know why???

Because if I give you half-birthday presents, I will feel obligated to give your brothers half-birthday presents...

And they are just too hard to buy for....

And I do not want you to feel obligated to buy me half-birthday presents when mine comes around....

See, I am doing both of us a favor:)

But Happy Half-Birthday anyway to my most beautiful, favorite daughter!!!

Though for the day...

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet
were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, I bet you're wondering now:)

And I am going to wash my hands....

Coincidence?

So I was working along at a pretty good pace this morning when I got a text message from G-Man...

G-Man: I am going to see the nurse.
Me (Pulled nuts going through my head): Why???
G-Man: I am going to throw-up.
Me: Go Fast!

A few minutes later I get a call from the school nurse....

SN: Hi Phillipia...I have your son here.
Me: Did he make it?
SN: What?
Me: Nevermind...is he really sick?
SN: Well, yeah. He looks pretty pale and sick. Can I send him home?
Me: Sure...I'm not there.
SN: He's the 10th person I sent home so far this morning.
Me: Not all to my house, I hope...
SN: What?
Me: Does he have a fever?
SN: No - half the kids had a fever, the others are just ready to vomit. And we have an unconfirmed case of H1N1.
Me: Great - can't you keep him?
SN: What?
Me: Send him home...thanks for the call.

Something was nagging at me throughout this whole conversation but I could not quite put my finger on it...



Until....



A few minutes later I happened to talk to another senior Mom...

OtherMom: My son is home sick today.
Me: Really?
OtherMom: Yeah, he went in for one class.
Me: Why did he go in at all?
OtherMom: He did not want to get in trouble for staying home on senior skip day....
Me: Oh really?

Yeah....that's what it was. G-Man had asked me late last week to call him off today. I refused, being the good Mom I am.



Apparently a lot of other Moms refused, too.



Most of the kids sent home sick were seniors....



Coincidence?



Will we ever really know?

Would you rather....

I sat down the other night after a long day at work, wanting to relax and do a little reading...

Getting all comfy on the couch....

And then I though...a beer sounds good...

So I headed to the fridge and opened the fresh case of Molsen....

As I pulled out a nice cold bottle of brew, I naturally turned it around to read the....

WTF, where'd the label go????

Would you rather have a Molsen without the "Would you rather....label" or a...

I still had the Molsen, but I was pretty depressed the whole time I drank it.

I think I need to make up some labels for the rest of the bottles in the case...