Open Letter to my kids....

I love you guys....

I like your friends, too...

Most of them, anyway.

And I like some of them because I like them - not just because they are your friends...

So....


Having said that.....


Forgive me if I do not understand when you feel the need - as all of you have in the not too distant past - to message me something to this effect....

Mom, quit posting on so and so's wall - I am not talking to them anymore...

A simple:

Wow, so and so is such a bastard/bitch/ashole....you would not believe what he/she did...I am not talking to her/him

...would suffice....

Then I can make up my own mind about whether or not I post on his/her wall....

I may have something to say to the bastard/bitch/asshole...

....

...

....

Just saying...

Being short is bad for your health....

Who would have thunk?

Short People at Risk for Heart Problems: Risk is 50 Percent Greater
Ya gotta love some of the possible explanations in this article...

Being short might be a result of being poor, meaning people of small stature could be undernourished and vulnerable to health problems in general.

There could be a biological explanation, such as a hormone imbalance that hurts the heart.

Because short people have smaller arteries, those could theoretically get clogged quicker with cholesterol and be more easily damaged by any changes in blood pressure

And, as the study's lead author says:

"Height is only one factor (among many) that may contribute to heart disease risk...focus on other things like not smoking, eating a balanced diet and exercise. Those are easier to change than your height."

And to that I say:

"Duhhh!"

I have been trying to grow up for years - it is just not happening...

Truthfully, I think the risk for heart problems is higher for short people like myself because we have a bigger, more giving heart...

And after all that giving...well there is only so much heart ...


But for once I am glad my kids took after their dad's family - at least in the height department.




And no matter what ....
 
Short people rock!

I want an iPad...

But not as bad as this guy....

Man Tries to Trade Pot for iPad

And I surely not willing to trade my pot for it...

Not that I have any pot to trade....

Or that I would post a picture of on Craig's List ...

It was Puppy Love...

I got to spend time with CareBear's puppies this weekend.

I was a little concerned because the newest addition to the family is still pretty shy around anyone except CareBear.

But my concern was unfounded.

Brownie decided she liked me pretty quickly...

Enough to take treats right out of my hand....

Enough to sleep in the bed with me...

Which did not please Taz too much as he seemed to think he should have me all to himself...

Talk about sibling rivalry...

Taz pretty much moped around when I paid the least little bit of attention to Brownie...

But a trip to the ice cream stand for a foot long hot dog got me back on his good side...

At least until bedtime...when he growled at Brownie any time she inched a lil closer to me on the bed...

I have found a solution to my financial woes....

The answer to all my financial problems was in my inbox today...how exciting...

Some poor guy got killed in a plane crash in Nigeria on Christmas Day 2003...

Apparently he has no next of kin to claim the $7 M USD he had on his person while traveling....

I got a an email from "The Desk Of .Dr.Malik Ali. Bill And Exchange Manager.BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)"..

Somehow Dr. Ali has gotten his hands on these funds and they have to be distributed within 5 years of the crash date....

I just need to figure a way to go back in time a couple years....

And Dr. Ali believes he can trust me because in his own words:

"When i was searching for a foreign partner i assured of your capability and reliability to champion this businees opportunity when i prayed to God or Allah about you."

You got to love a man who prays to God or Allah....

You think it is coincidence that his bank has the same initials as the bank that holds my mortgage?  I am thinking a transfer of funds should be simple...

Next time B.O.A. calls and asks when I think I will pay my mortgage - I can let them know that it is being taken care of by Dr.Malik Ali.

Dr Ali assured me in his email:

"...that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. "

And after I give him all of my account information so he can transfer my share of the money he plans to visit me...

"We agree that 40% of this money will be for you as foreign partner... 10 % will be set aside for expenses incured during the business and 50 % would be for me, Therefore after I and my family will visit you in your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated."

How special.   
He even gave me his private number and email address...

"Contact Me On My Private Number:+226 79016648 And Email Address: dr.malik_ali101@voila.fr "

I have a feeling he has more funds available for dispersion, which is why I have shared his contact info with you....

Vacation is around the corner....

Not for me, but for the kids and their Dad....

Which is really like a vacation for me, too:)

Not having to wonder where G-Man is for a whole week...

Not having to wonder if G-Man is going to be home for dinner for a whole week....

Not having to do the courteous thing and let G-Man know where I am for a whole week...

I have not had one of these vacations for a long time....

Bring it on....

A graduation tale...

G-Man has graduated...yay!

It was touch and go there for a bit...not because his grades are bad - they aren't...

And not because he got in trouble - he didn't...get caught, anyway....

He tends to leave things to the last minute...

He pulled a couple of all-nighters last week just finishing up things that he had several weeks to do...

But I digress...

On to the tale...

On Prom Night when the announced the class superlatives, G-Man was crowned most-likely to be married several times....

Hmmm...not sure who was voting or what they were thinking...

G-Man is pretty committed to anything he decides to  do and he has been with Ames (on and off) three plus years now....

He was a lil shocked...

But one of his favorite teachers decided to help him out of the situation.

There must be a mistake....G-Man told me just the other day that he is entering the seminary.  So he is going to be married to the church...

Okay...that helped...

And at graduation practice, Mr. Favorite Teacher announced G-man as Reverend G-Man.

And yesterday, when G-Man is about to walk across the stage, Mr. Favorite Teacher says:

Gregory J Harmon...oh, excuse me, I mean G-man....

Which is bittersweet, because G-Man's Grandpa Art, his 2nd biggest football fan, who past away just last October from complications of Alzheimer's, was mistakenly calling G-Man "Greg" the last few months of his life...

Thank you Art for being there with G-Man and all of us yesterday.

About that....

I have been an active Rebel Mom since G-Man started high school.

I would have been an active Rebel Mom when CareBear was in high school but I had no idea the group existed.

I learned about it through the football team...

If you have followed my blog, you may be aware that I have not always agreed with a lot of things the Rebel moms do.

Like every other part of my life,  do not keep my feelings to myself.

So when it was time for G-Man to apply for the Rebel Mom's scholarship, I asked the board if they intended to give out the same # of scholarships they have in the past - which is 5 or 6.

Why do you want to know?

Because if you are, I am not going to push G-Man to apply  - because there are six members of the board with senior students - and he is pretty busy and I like to pick my battles with him...

You see, the scholarship candidates are selected to receive awards based on Mom's involvement and student extracurricular activities,  leadership skills, academic achievements, and  community service....and, in the words of the scholarship committee and the board:

All applications are reviewed anonymously!

There is where the credibility stops.  As much as you want to believe that all applicants are reviewed anonymously, how can you claim that?

• The applicants name is on every page of the application....
• There applicants must list any student government offices held including dates.
• The students must list clubs and extracurricular activities including offices or leadership positions.
• Transcripts from the office must be attached to the application.
• Student must list Mom's Rebel Mom activities which will be checked against sign-in sheets for such activities... 
• The same few Moms on the scholarship committee make the rules, collect and review the applications, and make the awards.

Granted, you can white out the applicants name before you start your review and shuffle the applications so you are not quite sure whose you are looking at...

But, if you are checking the activities listed against the Mom's activity log....
 

And how many captains of the football team are there whose Mom maintains the Rebel Mom's website????

And how many Class Treasurers are there whose Mom is VP of the Rebel Mom's board....

Sorry, but there is no f-ing way the review is anonymous...

And I understand that it would be impossible to make it anonymous....

Just quit claiming vehemently that it is, ok?

Try to maintain some semblance of credibility.

Especially to those Moms who worked their butts off and yet their kids did not get even a small piece of that scholarship.

I understand that it is totally up to you how the awards are dealt.

And I do appreciate that you awarded G-Man one of the mid-range scholarships. 

It is greatly appreciated...

But the decision was NOT  based on reviews of anonymous applications....

If it weren't for bad luck....

Last weekend during the early summer Ohio heat wave the air conditioner in the condo stopped working...

I was thinking of getting it looked at, fearing the damages would be too much for me to be able to handle...

But that is not  a problem now...

Glad  I waited...

Now  I have more pressing problems

As I was trying to leave work a few minutes ago, my car just fell a part.

I barely got out of the parking space.

The front end just fell - I figure either a spring - again - or a tie rod - again.

Oh and it tore my brand new tire to shreds....again...

Yes - this has happened before.

Deja Vu....

Have you driven a Ford lately?

I am sitting here at work waiting for a tow truck.

Apparently it is a busy night for tow trucks...

I have another hour and a half to get some more work done....

Lucky me....

If life gives you melons....

...you may be dyslexic :)

I got a call today from a friend who I had not heard from in awhile.

What a breath of fresh air...

What a fun conversation.

Hopefully we will continue it soon...

And then I had another conversation via instant message with an online chat buddy that I hope NOT to continue...

I swear, everytime I hear from this guy, it is the same conversation...

Hi, this is Dicktard. 
    Hello..
Remember me?
    Yeah....we chatted a few weeks ago.
I know it has been awhile...your name is Phillipia, right?
     Last I checked, yes.
Where do you live?
     Same place I lived last time we chatted.
I do not have my chats archived so I do not remember where that is...
     I do not have my chats archived but I remember where you live....
So where do you live?
     MotherHouse
Hmmm.  Are you married?
     I am a nun.
No, really.  You are divorced, right?
     Right now I am at work and really busy.
Are you curvy?

      You like curvy?
Curvy is nice.
     I am NOT curvey - sorry...
I bet you are...
   Hey my curvy boss just walked in - gtg.

Ok, hun.  TTYL, sweetie.

Yeah....sure...TTYL....

Note to self: Make Phillipia invisible to this guy on yahoo chat...

Two more weeks of madness....

G-Mans' Prom is over....

CareBear has graduated (cum laude, no less)...and with Josh Cribbs, who got a standing ovation just gor graduating...

LDBoy is back in Belize acting Roman

I am still working on Track web and Peyton PHlace projects and G-Man's end of senior year stuff - like making sure he finishes everything he needs to do to graduate...

Hope to be back soon....

I miss you guys:(

Attention!!!

So all week there have been signs posted on the doors of Peyton PHlaCe that there would be a test of the severe weather alarm system at a designated time/date....

Ignore the instructions - it is a test....

So the designated time/date arrives and DEAFENING alarm goes off....

With an announcement....

ATTENTION!!!
SEVERE WEATHER IS PROCEEDING TOWARD OUR AREA!!!
PLEASE PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO A SEVERE WEATHER SHELTER AND STAND BY FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS...
I REPEAT!!!

And she did - with sirens blaring....

For a whole half hour.

Meanwhile....

Outside the building...

Severe weather IS proceeeding toward our area...

But of course no one pays attention...

Because it is a test:(

Survial Date: June 6th!

I am not dead! 

Sorry for my ex and anyone else that thinks their life would be better without me in it....

I have still just been really, really, really busy....

But June 6th is my survival date....

If I can survive till then, things should slow down....

Three projects at work will be out the door....

Two kids will be graduated....

Track will be done....

Prom/After prom will be done...

And some other stuff that I forget what it is I am working on should be done....

I am not dead - just getting older....

Which brings me to the reason I actually took time to post today....

I go this inspiring email from a friend and I felt the need to share....

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person.


What does Harold do now that he is retired???  In his own words: 

Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, scotch, and margaritas into urine. And I'm pretty damn good at it, too!!


Harold should be an inspiration to all of us.

The Week in Review...

Unlike Moooooog35 over at Mental Poo, my week in review does not consist of blips from my posts from the past week.....

...because I haven't posted anything!!!!!

Yeah, I really have been busy not posting...

Monday was a normal work day after working  8+hours Sunday...

Which means, Monday I probably put in 4 good hours, because I was exhausted from Sunday...

Especially when the first email I read Monday morning informed me that some of the work I did Sunday was wasted because the writer forgot to tell me that the document that he said was done, really wasn't....

That did not put me in a good Monday mood...not that much does put me in a good mood on Monday.

Tuesday I worked a good long day, leaving the office just in time to get to the Rebel Mom meeting at the school.

There I found out that I did not miss the deadline to put an embarrassing baby picture of G-Man in the yearbook...

Payback time, G-Man....

You WILL be sorry about ratting your Mom out at Easter dinner...

Wednesday was work from home day...

It was a short work day...8 hours minus the two hours it took for my computer to reboot after it crashed around noon...

G-Man did ok at the meet considering ....

Me: What's the matter?
G-Man: Did you see how shitty I threw...or weren't you watching????
Me: So...you had a bad day....
G-Man: I wish I was running...I'm going to run if coach will let me....I'll be back...
....
....
....

Me: So.....????
G-Man: I'm running the 200.
Me: Cool....
...
....
...
Me ('cuz a Mom knows): What's the matter?
G-Man: My balls hurt.
Me: Okay - thanks for sharing.
G-Man: Really bad....I can't run....

Nothing like a night at home after a track meet with an athlete in a crappy mood because he did not do well throwing and could not run because his balls hurt....

Maybe if he had not been goofing around before the meet hurdling just to show someone he could....

And not quite making it over one of them....

But what do I know....

When the doc said rest...I thought he meant from everything that involves running...

Including jumping while running....

Anyway....

That brings us to today...

Which I will save for tomorrow...

Because I have to go put 25# of pork butt in the roaster....

So it gets done in time to be pulled...

I love my job....

LDBoy sent me this after one of my work-related rants...

It is too good not to share....

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. The following is the text of an e-mail Rob sent his sister....

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all .

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.



It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.



Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.



The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.



Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.



As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.



The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.



So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, “I l ove my job, I love my job, I love my job.”


Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

Peyton PHlace Politics...

It gets worse everyday....

But I love my new office space...

Away from everyone...

So I do not hear their politicking...

Put in my earphones...

And ride away with Meat Loaf into hell...

or Run with Bruce....

A couple of project managers who's office space is a short distance from mine have found another way to dispel their stress.

They have squeezed a putting green in their small space.

They do get a lot of shit for this...

But I say it is better to hit the golf ball then someone else's.

And I have learned to use a 7-iron....

Probably not the way it was intended....

Good Things Happen...

When you happen to be sitting at your desk...

With your email open....

When you receive an email from your boss asking who needs a new computer...

Yessss! I am getting a new computer...

Luckily mine was fast enough to be one of the first two to respond:)

'Cuz there was only room in the budget for two....

Those slower computers will never get replaced...

I've decided...

Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs are a lot like coke....

As long as you do not start eating or snorting things are just fine...

But once you start...

You cannot stop until your whole supply is gone...

And then...

You run out and hit up the local suppliers to score some more...

And it starts over....

Not that I have ever snorted coke...

I read about that part somewhere...

But I have been strung out on Reeses's ...

I cannot lie about that...

How's Buddy????

I was chatting with LDBoy and he asked about Buddy...

LDBoy: Does G-Man play with him when he gets home from school?
Me: Not really, Buddy does not seem to like to play much.
LDBoy: He likes to sleep, eh?
Me: Yeah - a lot.
LDBoy: oh well...
Me: Did he play more for you?
LDBoy: only after he poops
Me: oh - that explains some stuff

Buddy he is always so excited after he poops....

I figured he just wanted a treat...

And to that I say:

You pooped....we all do that and we do it in the toilet..


Apparently, he likes to  play after he poops.

It must give him a burst of energy getting rid of that extra weight...

He does have some might big poops...
Maybe I  will try the rope tug or the ring pull game again next time he poops...

The treats are jsut making him fat anyway.

Kids say the damndest things...

Even at G-Mans' age....

We just finished Easter dinner and my Mom asks G-Man if he helped cook...

He replied honestly...

G-Man: No. 
Mom: Oh, what did you do while your Mom was cooking.
G-Man: I went to Church.
Mom: Well, I'm sure your Mom went to Church, too.
G-Man: No....
Mom: Phip, you didn't go to Church?
G-Man: She says she went enough while she was growing up to last a life time...
Phip: What he said....
Mom: What???
Phip: Hey, somebody had to stay home and cook this awesome dinner, cause the loaves and fishes trick just wasn't working....
G-Man: So how 'bout them Cavs?

Grounded for Life, G-Man, Grounded for Life....

I am not religious, but...

But G-Man, I did not bring you up to enjoy playing that part so well...

I know it was a re-enactment, but it made me cry.

I guess I should back up....

Last weekend G-Man participated in parts of the Life Teen Spring retreat.

When he told me he wanted to go, I told him he had to make some choices, because I just could not afford another retreat and all the other stuff he wants/needs for Track and pre-college stuff...

But "they" wanted him there...so much that they told him to not worry about paying and to just show up when he could...

So he did....

And he got himself into a role of a guard for a re-enactment of the Live Stations of the Cross...

And he enjoyed it so much that he volunteered to do it again on Good Friday at a parish about 30 miles from home.

The stations of the cross was always one of my least favorite church services growing up.  My parents, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy them tremendously, because I remember being dragged to them quite often - more than the usual once a year Good Friday edition.

Being the supportive Mom I am, I decided to go to this re-enactment that G-Man got himslef into.

I got directions on line that seemed simple enough - but the printer was not cooperating so I went with them in my own Garmon (i.e, in my head).

Well apparently my head does not work so well anymore....

I was driving around Newbury in the dark for a good 45 minutes looking for this Church....

After a phone call to Ames' mom who had her husband google it and relay the right directions to me, I found it....

Right where it should have been...

And I got there just in time to miss the inside church adoration part and to hear the leader saying "step outside folks for the Live Stations"....

I have to admit, the kids did an awesome job.

I was crying just watching my son and his friend beating Jesus.

But they also put together some background info that was interesting and gave the stations some meaning in today's world.

It was definitely not the way I remembered them....

Easter Wisdom

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.

Walk softly and carry a big carrot.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There's no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.

The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.

An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.

To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.

The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!

It is public knowledge now....

So a friend told me something a few months ago that he wanted me to keep quiet about for awhile...

So I did...

I pushed it right out of my mind because I am not good at keeping secrets.

Yesterday I got a text from him...

Him: It is public knowledge now...do you know what I mean???
Me: Is what public knowledge???? What did I miss???

Yeah....

I had completely put it out of my mind....

And I read his text wrong...

I thought he was asking me if something was public knowledge...

And knowing that I know him through G-Man, I got worried.... 

What did G-man tell him that he has not told me????

All sorts of things went through my head....

None of them too comforting...

Him: I applied for the position...
Me:  Oh, yeah, that.  Good Luck!

Being G-Man's Mom is scary stuff at times....

Happy Holiday!

I love long weekends.


And today is Great Friday....


That's right, not just good, but great....


It is payday and a holy holiday....


And the start of a long weekend....




And it is suuny out...


Maybe I will try to take Buddy for a walk...


Try is the key word here, because if Buddy decides not to walk...


Buddy, the big baby Pit Bull I am sitting is a great dog.


Most of the time.


He is good to walk with...


Most of the time...


He does not pull me - he actually heels when I tell him to...


He does not bark at strangers - when we are walking. When we are sitting in the living room and someone comes within 200 hards of the locked front door, he goes ballistic. But I digress...


Back to the walking...


Or not walking....


Every so often on our walks, Buddy decides he just wants to stop...


So he does...


No amount of cajoling or threatening or commanding gets him to move...


Untill he is ready to move...


And then only in the direction that he is ready to move in...


Which is usually not forward...


It is not like he stops at the same place all the time either; otherwise, I could avoid that part of the walk...


Someday I know I am going to be a mile or two from home and Buddy is going to decide he is done walking...


In any direction...


And there he will sit...


Because I am not carrying his ass anywhere....


And no after-walk treats for you, Buddy, if you cannot make it the whole way without stopping for a bit...


CareBear says you are fat anyway...


Fat and happy:)

Hellooo.....

I amthe first to admit that I am not hardware savy...

I just keep proving it to myself over and over....

Proof #1:

Last evening I was wanting to play my IPod in the sound system LDBoy left at my condo...

Too bad it was not all set up to play the damn thing...

Oh, but look, a remote...

Damn...remotes are hardware, too.

Ok, so let's forget the sound system and just play my music through the IPod's built-in speakers.

Too late...I totally corrupted the thing...

It was set to Bruce's Hungry Heart and would not budge...

It took me a couple hours to figure out what to do so I could listen to my music again...

But....once I thought to Google it...I was smokin'...

I am internet savy...at least more so than I am with hardware...

Proof #2:

Today I was working away and just happened to pick up my cell and noticed I had missed a call.

Not sure why I did not hear it ring, but whatever...

I returned the call - or tied to, at least.

I was talking, but nooone was answering...

I look at the display and the call is in progress....

What the heck???

Hellooooo.....

As I am hanging up, I get another call and try to answer...

And then I see the light...

The little flashing blue light on my bluetooth headset which is sitting on the table...

Proof #3:

And just a few seconds ago, I broke my retractable mouse...

Just pulled that cord right out of its wheel...

So now my mouse does not retract...

Sort of like G-Man's balls...

But that's another story - that I probably will not be telling...

So....

How many bitches bitching about a bastard does it take????

I have posted about AFAFAC a few times...

Probably changed his name a bit to keep y'all guessing who he is because...

Well you never know who reads this....

But anyway, this contracting co-worker gets more arrogant everyday...

Pontificating about how things SHOULD be done...

And proclaiming that he is the master at his trade and all decisions about his work are his alone....

Yeah, I'd like to trade him...

For a monkey...

At least I could have fun with the monkey...

Or have fun watching the monkey...

The monkey would get just as much work done I am sure...

Maybe scratch his butt a little more...

Just yesterday, Ms OSBL asked me if I would like AFAFAC to help me with a project because AFAFAC was not sure I could get it done on time.

NOOOOOO!!!!!

I mean, no thank you....

I will not work with that arrogant bastard.

I am just now fixing up work that I thought he had taken care of....

He needs to do his own work and quit harrassing everyone else...

I mean, no thank you...

I am pretty damn sure I can finish this myself or find someone more qualified to help...

Okay, done ranting for the day...

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

One of my best friends sent this in an email and I thought it was too good not to share:)
A bus stops and two older Italian gentlemen get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation...


A lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is drawn when she hears what one of them is telling his friend:

Emma come first.


Den I come.


Den two asses come together..


I come once-a-more!


Two asses, they come together again.


I come again and pee twice.


Then I come one lasta time.

The lady can't take it anymore...

There are some kids on this bus, afterall...

Lady: You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig! In this country, we do not speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!


Italian Gentleman: Hey, coola down lady. Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi .'

Yeah, I had to go back and re-read....

I'll take that....

Friday night was girls' night at CareBear's...

Lucky me  - I am a girl:)

What a fun time....

The night started off with a trip to Lowe's to pick out knobs for CareBear's kitchen cupboards....

A little background on that....

CareBear and KB have moved into the house Grandma Lora lived in and passed on to her son and daughter - CareBear's Dad (the ex) and Aunt.

I bitch a lot about the ex - but that whole family has some issues....

Last week Auntie was in town to get some stuff out of the house that she wanted....

Apparently she wanted the knobs off of the kitchen cupboards (all 50 knobs) and the flatware right out of the kitchen drawers....

Flatware...NOT silverware...NOT anything special....

Oh, and the drinking glasses...

NOT wine glasses or anything special...

So, after Lowe's we hit up Target for flatware and glassware....

'Cuz we needed something to eat our Taco Bell with and drink our beer from....

Luckily Auntie is a born-again, so she left the shotglasses alone....

G-Man is a sweetheart at times.....

G-Man surprised me Thursday evening...


He has heard me mention that I would like an Ipod...


Out of the blue he used his Papa John tip money to purchase an blue 8g Ipod Nano for his dear old Mom...

G-Man: See, I do listen when you talk, Mom.
Me: Awww....but you should not be spending your money on me....
G-Man: You buy me all kinds of stuff ...
Me: You are my son....
G-Man: And you are my Mom...
Me: You know you are still grounded, right?
G-Man: Damn...

Yeah...that's it...

So G-Man is not the best of students...

He gets bored very easily...

He needs a challenge...

He has missed enough classes this year that he needs a doctor's note to have any more missed days be excused...

Okay, he has not really missed THAT many, but they tightened up the rules a bit this year to put a damper on truancy in the district.

Being 18 and all, he does not see how that applies to him.

But Mom does not want to deal with it so she has put forth an edict: YOU WILL NOT MISS ANY MORE SCHOOL UNLESS YOU HAVE A DOCTOR'S EXCUSE!!!!!

This week being OGT testing week, and G-Man not needing to be there in the morning for that, has decided that he does not need to be at school at all. 

I take that back - Monday, he followed the schedule like a good student.

Tuesday he called off his afternoon classes (at another location) by claiming that the OGT schedule has him at his home school in the afternoon.  True - I give him that.

Wednesday, I get a call from the school that he is not in class:

Attendance Lady: Phillipia, G-Man is not in class. He called earlier and said he had OGT's today, but his home school says he should be here.
Phillipia:  He does not have OGT's.  I will check on him....(I will KILL him)...

Then I saw the light - it is Green Day....

Yeah, G-Man decided to celebrate with his buds  - Irish style...

And he did not bother to ask me because, well, see edict above....

A few not so polite phone calls later, he knew he was in deep shit...

GROUNDED FOR LIFE....

Thursday, he had a doctor's appointment for a nagging football injury (aka pulled groin)...

I went with him to the apppointment because he asked me to...

As he comes out of the doctor's office, he has a huge smirk on his face...

G-Man: So Mom, you said I could not miss school without a doctor's note, right?
Mom: Yeah.....
G-Man: Well, here it is...and look at the dates...
Mom (reading): How the F$%# did you pull that off?

Yeah, G-Man of the persuasive personality, has a note that says he has been under doctor's care YESTERDAY, WEDNESDAY MARCH 17th & TODAY....

What the F????

G-Man: So I am not grounded any more, right.
Mom: NOOOO! I mean YES, you are grounded.  You did not have the note yesterday.
G-Man: How was I supposed to get a note before I went to the doctor???
Mom: You know what I mean...
G-Man: You're just jeaous, Mom...
Mom: Of what???
G-Man: 'Cuz you could not get away with this shit when you were in school...

Yeah, that's it....

May your coffee be Irish...

Here's to you and yours...

And to mine and ours...

And if mine and ours ever come across you and yours,

I hope you and yours will do as much for mine and ours

As mine and ours have done for you and yours!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Last week was a trip...

Wow...these posts are getting farther and farther apart...


What can I say??? 


I have been busy...really!


Last Tuesday evening, I bid goodbye to LDBoy as he headed for Belize...


To live...what a life...


I am not ashamed to say that I am jealous...


And I am waiting for that promised ticket, LDBoy...


You did promise, right?


I promise to not get in your way...


You will not even know I am there...


I had to say goodbye to Buddy (the Pitbull mascot of the Belize team) for a few days, too.


Thursday afternoon, I said goodbye to the sunshine of Cleveland and headed to cold, rainy Boston with G-Man and some of his Track teammates.


Now that was a trip....


10 High School Boys, 1 Coach, 2 Moms, and a Dad....


All in all in was a good trip, with just a few incidents....

• Before we left the airport, one runner realized that he did not have his uniform/warmups. No problem, we will share...somehow...

• While waiting for shuttles to the hotel, G-Man decides to take advantage of the available airport lobby seating...for the injured...
  Me (double-taking at the boy in the wheelchair): G-Man???
  G-Man: Yeah...
  Me: Ummmm. Get out of the wheelchair.
  G-Man: I can't...
  Me: What????
  G-Man: I was goofing around and fell and hurt my knee...
  Me: What???
  G-Man: Sorry...
  Me (looking at Coach): He was goofing around????.
  Coach: Yeah, goofing around...
  Me: OMG, G-Man, #$%* the %^$# you &*%$.
  G-Man: Mom, I'm kidding...
  Coach: OMG, Phillipia, I'm sorry - I meant he IS goofing around - now - with you..
  G-Man (laughing): Thanks, coach!
  Coach (smirking): Get out of the chair, G-Man...Quit giving your Mom a heart attack....

• The parents were staying at a different hotel than the team...which means we did not all get settled into our rooms until after midnight. Sorry, coach:)

That was day one.....